(audience laughs)
(laughs)
- We covered Doogie Howser, we covered Friends.
Next up is another one of my favorite shows, Seinfeld.
There's gotta be some medical scenes in there
that are medically accurate, right?
- Definitely. - Peewoop!
- I think I'm having a heart attack.
- I don't think that's it.
- I'm not kidding.
- What does that mean?
- I think what he's trying to say
is that he's having a heart attack.
- Oh, he's having a heart attack.
- Mm-hmm. (audience laughs)
- Tightness.
- Come on.
- Shortness of breath.
- Oh, this is ridiculous.
- Radiating waves of pain.
- Those are three classic symptoms of a heart attack,
but there are some that are less common.
Pain radiating to the jaw, to the left arm.
- Left arm, left arm.
- We oftentimes have people describe
feelings of indigestion, when in reality
just radiating or referred pain from the cardiac region.
While there are classic signs of a heart attack,
it's important to know that some signs are more subtle.
So if you feel like you're having a heart attack
it's definitely time to call 911.
- Hey.
(door closes)
How you doing, buddy?
You need anything?
- Why does he have a nasogastric tube right now?
I'm really confused.
That's a really weird looking nasogastric tube.
Maybe this is what they did in the 90s or 80s.
Whenever this was.
That is not how nasogastric tubes look like.
- Do you use water in the shower?
- Yes.
- Stop using it.
(audience laughs)
- There's some truth there.
If you use hot water too often
or for a long period of time,
you could actually dry out your skin, dry out your hair.
So take a cold shower.
It'll wake you up in the morning.
I haven't seen nor held a paper chart
(exhales heavily) seven years.
And even when I held it,
it was to go into a filing room of old records
that were growing cobwebs on them.
But cobwebs don't grow.
Now, a patient would have to hack
into my electronic health record,
which is protected by four passwords
that change every 30 days
and must be 20 characters in length,
include a capital, lower case, middle case letter,
a number, a special character, a super subspecial character,
along with the combination to my high school locker
that can, I can only change each month with my credit card
that must be connected to my phone
that has Google authenticator and phone verification on.
As long as I have my passport number,
I can then call and verify by phone,
by my using my voice recognition.
If I am able to go to the...
All right, I'll stop.
- You know, (chuckles)
I noticed that someone wrote in my chart
that I was difficult in January of '92.
- I don't think I've ever written in the chart
something like difficult patient.
I've definitely had difficult encounters,
and if someone was being unprofessional,
I definitely documented that.
I told you one of my patients started telling me
that she's communicating with my dead mother
and that's why she was there to see me,
not for a medical condition.
That was strange.
I've had patients come in requesting controlled substances
when they knew that they shouldn't be getting them.
Them storming out and getting really mad
and cursing at myself and the staff.
All that is documented.
(audience laughs)
(laughs)
Outside of how ethically wrong that is
that the doctor's getting a nitrous oxide high
before performing a procedure.
He touches his nose and mouth,
the most transmissible mucus membranes, to the device
before applying it to the patient.
(gags)
(audience laughs)
- What are you eating?
- Junior Mints.
(audience laughs)
You want one? - No.
- Take one. - I don't want one.
- No, they're good, take one.
- I don't want any. - Just take one.
- No, stop it.
Kramer, stop it.
(heart beats)
(audience laughs)
(candy splats)
(audience laughs)
(laughs)
- We've left all types of surgical devices in patients.
Scalpels, pads.
I've never heard of a snack, though.
- What did they do?
- They sealed him up with the mint inside.
(audience laughs)
- They left the Junior Mint in him?
- Yes.
- Well, I, I guess it can't hurt him.
- I think it could really hurt him,
'cause it's not like it's inside his intestine.
It's inside his cavity
where bacteria are going to feast on it,
and as a result, multiply and cause an infection
causing a peritonitis which is a surgical emergency
or antibiotic emergency.
Oh my God.
(sighs)
(door opens)
(screams)
- Oh my God.
(audience laughs)
I'm sorry, I thought this was the baby's room.
(laughs) I'm really sorry.
(audience laughs)
- That's just rude.
(audience laughs)
- I was in the pool!
I was in the pool!
- Medical term for that would be vasoconstriction.
In order to preserve body warmth,
it redirects blood flow away from nonvital organs
and brings it to your vital organs.
In fact, your testicles actually come closer to your body
'cause you gotta keep your gametes alive.
Your spermies.
The rest of the male genitalia actually shrinks.
It vasoconstricts because blood flow to that area
when you're really cold and shivering
is not of utmost importance.
Your kidneys, your liver, your brain, your heart,
that's where the blood flow needs to stay
and heat needs to be preserved.
- Jerry, what brings you here?
- I don't know, this?
- Looks like hives.
- Where do you suppose that could've come from?
- Are you suggesting I somehow infected you on purpose?
- I want the antidote, pimple popper.
- (gasps) Did he say pimple popper?
Shout out, Dr. Sandra Lee.
How did she infect him?
Hives are an allergic reaction
caused by an immune overreaction
to something usually harmless.
So what did she infect him with, something he's allergic to?
- Open your mouth.
Open your mo...
Open it, open it.
(audience laughs)
- A sure fire way to get someone to choke.
(audience laughs)
(exhales heavily)
- What kinda pills are these anyway?
For Smuckers?
(audience laughs)
May cause panting and loss of fur?
(audience laughs)
These are dog pills.
- Please do not take your dog's medication
thinking it's gonna work for you.
The same goes for the other way around.
Do not give your dog a medicine that you take.
Use a species appropriate doctor.
- Come on. (jingles keys)
(audience laughs) Come on.
(inhales deeply)
- (sighs) Yeah.
(sighs)
- You know, there's actually a condition
called hot tub folliculitis
where your hair follicles can get an infection.
Usually with the bacteria, pseudomonas,
which tends to live in hot tubs,
and it could be a nasty, nasty infection.
Don't Google it. (keyboard taps)
(computer chimes) Don't Google it.
(sneezes loudly)
(audience laughs)
- A little wetter.
See, I didn't believe it.
- What, what, what's with the fake sneezing?
- Yeah, we're going down to Mount Sinai Hospital.
See, they hire actors
to help the students practice diagnosing.
- That's true, by the way.
We actually have simulated patients where actors are paid
to pretend they have medical conditions.
We ask them questions.
We even do parts of the physical exam on them.
There's a special set of actors that we use
for prostate and gynecological exams.
This is mandatory training, because otherwise,
if you're uncomfortable being in a room with a patient,
how are you supposed to deliver good care?
- And are you experiencing any discomfort?
- Just a little burning during urination.
- Okay.
Any other pain?
- The haunting memories of lost love.
- Why do they have the med students
all in there at the same time?
And the simulated patients in there in the same time?
And x-rays?
There's so much wrong with this scene.
What happens is you actually have a set of 10 rooms
with 10 different simulated patients
and you have the students rotate through each of the rooms.
You have a set number of time
that you're allowed to be in the room
and a set number of time that you spend out of the room,
writing your note.
That's actually part of your board exam,
your licensing exam that you take,
that you have to show you're capable
of taking the practical portion of it,
that you're capable of interacting with people.
- And so we danced.
(audience laughs)
- And I burned for her.
Much like the burning during urination
that I would experience soon afterwards.
- Gonorrhea!
- Gonorrhea.
- You don't just guess the patient. (laughs)
All this to their face without doing any other questions
outside of hearing burning on urination.
Why wouldn't he say urinary tract infection?
That could be there too.
You should ask about discharge, sexual partners,
unprotected, protected sex.
All those are important questions.
- I'm gonna make people feel my gonorrhea.
- Have you ever seen a doctor prank a doctor?
Well, check it out here.
I actually prank three of them, including Mama Doctor Jones.
And of course check out my medical scene review of Friends.
The also popular competing show with Seinfeld.
As always, stay happy and healthy.
(smooth music)