>>IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED
WHAT LIFE ON A FARM IS LIKE, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
[COCK'S CROW] OKAY,
MAYBE YOU'RE ALONE IN LIFE.
BUT OTHER PEOPLE WONDER ABOUT FARMS IS WHAT I MEAN.
WELL THEN THIS STORY IS FOR YOU.
MR. SMITH WAS A FARMER 'CAUSE HE LIKED HAVING LOTS OF
FURRY LITTLE FRIENDS AND THEN KILLING THEM AND EATING THEM.
[GUNSHOT] [SHEEP BLEATS]
HIS WIFE MRS. SMITH HAD ONLY AN EIGHTH GRADE EDUCATION,
WHICH WASN'T MUCH GOOD SINCE SHE DIDN'T DO GRADES
ONE THROUGH SEVEN.
BUT SHE OWNED HER OWN PITCHFORK SO...
YEP.
THE SMITHS LIVED IN NEBRASKA ON PURPOSE.
THEY ALSO HAD TWO KIDS, NOT ON PURPOSE.
JOHNNY SMITH WAS ONCE A GOOD BOY,
BUT HE BECAME A TEENAGER AND GOT INTO SOME WEIRD
STUFF LIKE PUBERTY.
NOW HE AND HIS FRIENDS HANG OUT BEHIND THE SCHOOL SQUEAKING
THEIR VOICES AND DOING ACNE.
MARTHA MAY WAS A GIRL.
TOGETHER THEY ALL LIVED ON THE SMITH FARM WHICH
GRANDPA SMITH HAD BOUGHT.
GRANDPA SMITH DIED 'CAUSE THAT'S ALSO WHAT BOUGHT THE FARM MEANS.
>>BUT THE FARM LIFE WAS A HAPPY ONE.
AND SO THINGS WENT UNTIL ONE DAY...
[DOORBELL]
THINGS CHANGED.
>>BARNABIE!
YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY FARM AGAIN?
>>NOT NECESSARILY.
>>OKAY, COME IN.
>>BARNABIE AND MR. SMITH HAD BEEN BROTHERS EVER
SINCE THEY WERE KIDS, BUT WHEN MR. SMITH TURNED FARMER
BARNABIE BECAME A PHARMACIST.
'CAUSE HE THOUGHT THOSE WERE THE SAME THING.
SO MR. SMITH GOT THE FARM MUCH TO BARNABIE'S CHAGRIN.
>>AM I IN TIME FOR SUPPER?
>>INDEED YOU ARE.
MARTHA MAY SMITH, JOHNNY SMITH,
SUPPERTIME!
>>JOHNNY DIDN'T HAVE A MIDDLE NAME BECAUSE THEY
COULDN'T AFFORD ONE.
AND IF HE DID, HE WOULD HAVE SOLD IT
FOR DEODORANT MONEY.
HE HAD A PROBLEM.
>>UNCLE BARNABIE, I CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING THAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL THE FARM.
>>MAYBE 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE DOES LITERALLY EVERY TIME.
>>SAID MARTHA MAY, THE GIRL.
>>WELL TO MAKE YOU ALL FEEL BETTER LET'S DRINK A TOAST.
EXCEPT, I AIN'T THIRSTY SO JUST YOU ALL.
>>HE POURED FROM A SPECIAL FLASK.
>>ALL RIGHT NOW, DRINK UP.
>>THEY TRIED TO DRINK, BUT THE LIQUID HAD
MELTED THEIR CUPS.
>>TIME FOR PLAN B.
>>WHAT DID YOU SAY?
>>I SAID, "TIME FOR PLAN C."
>>OH, OKAY.
>>AFTER DINNER THEY ALL WENT TO BED EXCEPT JOHNNY SNUCK
OUT BACK TO SHAVE HIS UPPER LIP.
THAT NIGHT GRANDPA SMITH CAME TO MR. SMITH IN A DREAM.
>>BEWARE YOUR EVIL BROTHER BARNABIE!
>>WHY?
>>BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO STEAL THE FARM YOU NINCOMPOOP.
>>THIS WAS NEWS TO MR. SMITH.
JUST LIKE IT WAS EVERY TIME.
>>HE WANTS TO TEAR OUT THE CORN AND PLANT PRESCRIPTION
MEDS BECAUSE HE THINKS A PHARMACIST IS A FARMER.
>>WELL WHAT DO I DO?
>>YOU MAKE A BUNCH OF HOT CAKES--
OH!
>>DREAM GRANDPA DIED SUDDENLY AND MR. SMITH
WOKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT.
IT WAS MRS. SMITH'S SWEAT.
>>HEY SWEETIE.
>>HE COULDN'T HELP THINKING BARNABIE WAS AFTER
THE FARM OR SOMETHING.
HE WAS NERVOUS THE WHOLE MORNING.
NERVOUS WHEN HE READ THE PAPER.
NERVOUS WHEN HE COOKED BREAKFAST.
NERVOUS WHEN HE SIGNED AWAY THE DEED TO THE LAND.
>>[LAUGHTER] >>DANG IT!
>>PAPA YOU GONE LOST THE FARM!
WE'VE BEEN SWINDLED.
>>I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS FARM AND GROW SOME
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
RITALIN, ADDERALL, BENADRYL, AND MAKE A FORTUNE.
>>FARMER'S AIN'T SUPPOSED TO MAKE MONEY.
>>YOU GET BROTHER.
ABOUT TIME YOU ALL LEFT NEBRASKA.
>>[GASPS] >>THEY LOVED NEBRASKA
FOR LOTS OF REASONS-- >>EVERYONE--
>>BUT THE BIGGEST ONE WAS BAD JUDGMENT.
>>GET THAT DEED!
>>NO SIR!
>>BARNABIE STARTED THROWING ROCKS.
THE FIRST ROCK KILLED GRANDPA AGAIN.
THE SECOND ROCK HIT JOHNNY WHO WAS EXPERIMENTING
WITH GROWTH SPURTS.
THE THIRD ROCK WAS ACTUALLY THE DEED.
SO THE SMITH'S WERE SAVED MY DEUS EX MACHINA.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
UNLESS THIS VIDEO IS POPULAR ON YOUTBE.
THEN THEY'LL HAVE MORE PROBLEMS AND A SEQUEL.
THE END.