Uh-oh, Dr. Chan!
There's my guy!
Listen, I know we haven't had enough time to connect,
but honestly, I love your vibe, man.
I can't make you Molly, Tony.
Go ask Dr. Chandreshekar
That's not why I'm here.
Dr. Shandregard, you said?
That's the Molly person?
Doesn't matter, that's not why I'm here.
It is POTUS's birthday and he wants
something special from Space Force.
Is this official business?
Not exactly, but when we deliver something
cool and spacey for the big guy's big day,
you, my friend, will get the gratitude
of a grateful president.
Can you imagine how proud your parents would be
over in, uh, Mongolia?
Baltimore.
Baltimore, that's insane!
You have a Baltimore, too?
That is crazy.
Yo, you mind?
Every Space Man has his role to play,
and mine is generating content.
The balloons, they're bouncy.
Tony, Tony.
Get out of my face.
Yes ma'am, right.
Okay, all right, let's think of a gift
together, as a team.
Here we go.
Uh, do you have an invisibility cloak?
Absolutely.
Everyone's wearing one but me.
No.
Mm-hm.
Fuck you, that's not real.
That's not real.
Let's think of something real together.
Okay General, I never get involved
in whether people are telling the truth or lying.
I mean, those words carry very little meaning to me,
but something one of Edison's people said,
it's got me worried.
What was that?
"Yeah."
General.
[Newscaster] Mr. Broser's criminal history
reaches as far back as 1998,
when he was accused of starting a San Bruno County
and State Park brush fire.
We were okay with the plea deal
because we thought he'd get shot in Afghanistan,
but I don't mind him going to the moon.
I mind him coming back.
What the, what the fuck, Brad!
Sorry, I guess it was more how she said it.
I asked, does the rocket fuel work.
Then she said, "yeah."
I'm butchering it.
She said it like this, she said it like this,
she said it like this.
Fuck, she said, "yeah."
Why didn't you vet that guy?
That's inexcusable.
Me, I don't know how to vet someone.
Ugh.
It's easy, Brad.
You just give the name to our head media manager.
Isn't that right, Tony?
Tony?
Yeah, yeah?
Look up.
He wants to talk to you.
Yeah, I would love to talk to him.
Look at me.
Right there.
Tony, look up.
It doesn't matter.
As a publicist I never reveal my source, but it was Hannah.
I'd like to see you outside.
Of course.
Somebody's gonna get vetted now.
I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you.
Try it, I'll snap your neck like a twig.
How are you, sir?
What the fuck?
[General Naird yelling]
All right, I need you guys to tell me all the dirt.
Anything terrible any of you might have done.
Who wants to go first?
Don't be scared.
We're gonna find out anyway.
Anybody, all right.
Take it off like a bandaid.
One, two, three, somebody go.
My grandfather is a terrorist in Ireland.
Holy shit you came out big from the start.
Has he killed anybody?
No, he's a terrorist that doesn't kill people.
Okay, okay.
Okay, to figure out what the President
would want for his birthday we have to think like him.
Okay.
Go.
I'm the President.
I implement new laws and I appoint
heads of federal agencies.
Holy shit, you're terrible at this.
Okay, what about this, what about this?
Is there some sort of liquid or serum
that turns an old man into a young person?
What are stem cells?
Blood of a young thing, like a baby?
Doesn't work that way and it's morally questionable.
I went to a Halloween party a few years ago
as a film negative.
So blackface.
Wait, what, you did what?
A film negative, it was clever.
All right.
I went as Gandhi once.
That is not okay, right?
No, it's not.
Okay.
I'm not trying to say all the blood of a baby,
just like a little bit of blood
from a lot of different babies.
Nobody's using all of their blood,
and I'm talking about the best babies.
I can't believe I even have to ask this question.
Has anybody masturbated in front of an unwilling employee?
Define masturbation.
I will not.
Well, however you define it, I definitely did it.
Oh my god.
Okay, I'm not explaining it right,
but you're not even giving me a chance.
Because it's horrible.
Okay, why don't you say something then?
I'm in the Oval Office.
A bill comes to my desk, I pass it into law
because that is my constitutional role.
Fuck, I am bad at this.
It's insane to me that you have degrees in things.
If you ever get big and powerful one day come see me.
I might have an extremely low-level position for you.
Or maybe one day you'll be big and powerful enough
for me to take you seriously.
Maybe we'll both be big and powerful.
Maybe we will.