- But I no longer let the fear of cancer run my life.
I run my life.
(beep)
Hi, I'm Michelle Brubaker and I'm here today to talk
about what it's like to be a breast cancer survivor.
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Have you heard breast cancer is the best cancer?
How does that make you feel?
Cancer sucks no matter what.
It does not matter what type you have.
And yes, I have heard that.
You don't wanna get any cancer.
And so when you are saying that to somebody,
please be mindful of that because that's not something
that the cancer patient wants to hear.
How often do people ask to see your chest?
So good friends and family definitely were interested
in seeing what was going on under the shirts.
It's amazing.
Like they would never ask me precancer to just see my boobs,
but when it's reconstructive fake boobs,
I guess it's a different story.
But I will also say this in their defense,
and I'm talking close family and friends.
I found myself not being as embarrassed
when they would ask that.
I mean, I would laugh, but then I would find myself
showing them because it also kind of felt like
well, these are actually my real breasts
like these are reconstructed breasts and implants.
So to me, it kind of felt foreign too.
So it didn't feel as personal for some reason,
as it would have pre cancer.
But I am not going to show you all right now.
So let's make that clear.
What factors came up when deciding
to have reconstructive surgery
examples close-fitting long term diagnosis perception?
So I actually did not doubt for one second,
about reconstructive surgery,
I knew that that was what I was going to have.
I'm a young woman, well, I'm 42 I consider that young.
And I wanted to feel like a woman.
So there are a lot of things that people don't realize
when you're going through reconstructive surgery
that take place, but you do have to take into consideration
the clothes that you wear, the positions in which you sleep,
even hugging people was very uncomfortable.
Like they didn't realize it
but when they would hug me it would hurt.
You know chest on chest, it was really uncomfortable.
(laughing)
Oh my gosh!
How did you like your boob job?
(laughing)
Okay, this makes me laugh because I had a double mastectomy
and I had reconstruction.
And I had so many people say to me,
this is the silver lining,
this is the big treat after everything you've been through,
you get a boob job, that's amazing.
It is not a boob job.
It is a surgery
in which they are reconstructing your breasts.
So they took my breast away and reconstructed them.
And it was a painful process
that was not fun and very uncomfortable.
Why would you recommend UC San Diego Health?
Well, that is an easy one for me.
They saved my life.
I feel like I had the A team when it came to treatment.
I was enrolled in two clinical trials that were life saving.
They were an extension of my family for two years.
They were my go-to people and the treatment
that I received here that is now allowing me
to see my boys grow up.
I would not have gotten anywhere else.
And I know that for a fact.
So there is nowhere else that I would rather be
than UC San Diego Health.
- [Interviewer] You tell us about this.
You can show us that picture. (Michelle laughing)
- This is a milestone picture.
This is when I could fit my hair
in a ponytail after cancer treatment.
Not all of my hair is in it and I look like pebbles.
But this was so exciting.
It was so exciting I had to take a selfie with it.
(laughing)
How was your first intimate experience
with your husband after surgery?
Oh, we are going there.
I am so fortunate that I have a husband,
who always made me feel beautiful.
And he continues to make me feel beautiful.
Because I didn't feel beautiful.
I was bald and I had no breasts,
and a lot of scars on my body.
And it was very difficult for me to be intimate,
but he always made me feel like I was a warrior.
And then none of that mattered to him.
And I am so grateful for that.
What's your biggest accomplishment since beating cancer?
I would say my biggest accomplishment is
not allowing it to consume me anymore.
I think about it, like I said, every day,
and there's things that remind me of it,
but I no longer let the fear of cancer run my life.
I run my life.
What did the word cancer mean to you before being diagnosed?
Oh, man, so it meant something incredibly scary.
It meant something that people die from.
It meant something that I never wanted to get.
I would like to follow that up with saying
that now being on the other side of my journey
that cancer has given me the most precious gifts.
It has given me people in my life
and experiences that I've had.
It's made my family stronger.
It's taught my kids lessons
that although I would never wanted them
to learn at these ages,
I feel that they will take those lessons
with them for the rest of their life
and it will make them better people.
I'm crossing off my bucket list
not because I feel like I'm dying,
but because I'm truly living.
It's given me a deep sense of gratitude.
And as much as I can't believe I'm saying this
because if he would have told me this when I was diagnosed,
I would have thought you're crazy.
That I don't regret a minute of it.
And that I'm incredibly grateful
for the experience that it has given me.
I am a better person.
And I love the person I am and I love my life
in such a full way because of it.
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