- What's the pain in me
you wish you could heal?
- You have a lot of trauma.
Like not a lot but
you've had some things you've gone through.
I wouldn't say I would want something to disappear,
I would want to help you through it.
I wouldn't want it to disappear
'cause all those things, you know,
helped you be the person who you are today.
- Yes.
- So yeah.
I already knew your kids were everything to you,
but given certain situations and being around them,
you would do so much for them.
- Which (mumbles).
- No, I'm just...
You love your kids and they come first.
- Yeah.
- But like seeing you, how you react to them
and how it's always about them,
you like that.
- Appreciated it.
- Yeah, you like that.
- When do you feel people judge you or people judge us?
And why do you think so?
- Well, people got a lot of reasons to judge people,
first of all. (laughs loudly)
- I don't know. (mumbles)
- So, you know, one being,
"You're not like my typical type,"
so they say.
- Got it.
- You having kids
and me not having any, or me being so young.
- Yeah.
- And people are like, "you don't have no kids.
You know, you got your whole life ahead of you.
Why would you want to be with someone who has kids?"
Like, "Why would you want to play the step-mom role?
So young."
- Yeah.
- 'Cause, you know, we're like,
"I'm in my 20s and you're in your 30s."
But I don't really care
'cause people gonna judge you regardless.
- (mumbles) but they'll be idle.
- They will, 'cause you're mine.
- For sure.
- Cool. Okay. (laughs loudly)
I'm weak.
What is one thing you don't understand about me?
Like, you still don't understand about me?
- Your ability to shut down.
When you shut down, you shut down.
I just don't understand, but I also know that,
you know, things have happened
to make you be that way.
And that's just your way of dealing with it,
you know, (mumbles).
Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm trying to work on it myself.
Like, I wouldn't want nobody to talk to me.
I want nobody say anything to me.
Like, I don't like to talk
about things when people like to talk about things.
Like you're more of, "We're gonna talk about it now."
- Yeah.
- And I'm like, "I don't want to talk to you.
Don't talk to me.
Don't even be around me."
- Yeah.
- I feel like when I shut down and you press me,
it makes me want to shut down more. (laughs loudly)
But it's like you're forcing me.
And then you will say one thing to trigger me.
And it's like, now I got to explode, but I don't explode.
It's like I'm responding.
Like now I'm clapping back at you.
Now I got to respond 'cause... Oh, okay.
- Well, I just do that
so you won't think that I don't care.
I just want you to know that I'm engaged,
and that I do care.
Even though if I've made you mad,
I'm trying to fix it right now.
I'm not trying to let it linger.
But I have learned like, okay
I'm gonna let your baby breathe a little bit
(laughs loudly) before I say something,
or try to do something sweet or something like that.
- I'm just okay. (laughs loudly)
What do you think is the next step
in our relationship, and why?
- I don't want to jinx it,
but I think engagement,
(Lawrenda laughs loudly)
because I know
your chart or
(Lawrenda laughs loudly)
your deadline,
but also I'm at that stage where,
you know, I'm dating to marry,
I'm not just, which you just sort of heckle,
but I also don't want to scare you away.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't want you to be afraid to commit so early.
Not early, but right now.
Like our age difference and all of that.
So I know you got your life ahead of you and all that.
That's a given, but I just want to make sure
that you want to include me in it.
- You are included.
- Okay.
- All right.
- I'll wait.
- You'll wait?
- I'll wait for that day.
- Got you.
Why am I in your life?
- I wasn't looking for anything.
As I say all the time, it was like
I was still working on myself as it is.
All I care for, nobody else.
Like, I'm here,
I got to get here.
I got to do this.
- So what have I done to keep me in your life?
- Felt my pain,
felt my struggle.
It's like you've witnessed so much, somethings that
another guy would have scared them away.
I still sometimes don't believe you're here
or how we got here.
And I appreciate you.
- (mumbles)
- Like all the time.
But, you know, I appreciate it.
- Thank you.
- How do you love me?
Why do you love me?
- Why do I love you?
- Yes.
- Because you helped me a lot too,
like get over some past of passageways.
You're so caring, like you got 110%.
Even when your friends tried to say negative stuff
about our age difference and all that, you stand up for me.
You love my kids.
Like, you don't shy away from them when you're around them.
Not to judge you because your age is like
you do all that at a younger age already.
That's how I know you're strong.
You're very strong.
You liked me for me and not what I've been through,
or what I have.
Well, you love me for me.
But, yeah.
- Hey guys, it's Melanie from The Skin Deep.
Thank you so much for watching.
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