(intense rock music)
- [Announcer] Welcome to Set List:
Stand Up Without a Net, live in Ireland!
With comedians from around the globe
at the Galway Comedy Festival.
(intense rock music)
- [Little Howard] It is my first time doing Set List.
It's an absolute thrill to be doing it.
- [Interviewer] How old are you, Little Howard?
- [Little Howard] I am six, I'm six.
I'm usually five and a half.
I've been five for 10 years.
That's how it works with cartoons.
- [Announcer] Will you welcome the never before
seen Set List of Little Howard!
(audience applause)
- [Little Howard] Hello!
My name is Little Howard, and me
and my friend Big Howard,
we didn't think this show was complicated enough.
(audience laughter)
So, we complicated it slightly, because I'm dyslexic.
(audience laughter)
Okay.
Now a lot of people ask me,
as a cartoon boy, does it hurt
when nasty things happen to you?
And, I'm afraid to tell you, I'm afraid
it does hurt quite a lot, yeah.
(audience laughter) Obviously when you see
Wile E. Coyote get his head cut off,
or when he falls down a massive great abyss or crevasse,
or something like that, he just gets up
and he's absolutely fine, well,
I'm here to tell you that he isn't.
(audience laughter)
When they made those cartoons, they had
several thousand cloned Wile E. Coyotes.
(audience laughter) Yeah.
Every single time some sort of massive,
great big massive boulder fell on
Wile E. Coyote, that particular
Wile E. Coyote, he died. (audience laughter)
Don't laugh at that!
Why're you laughing at that!
But, then, eventually they run out of
Wile E. Coyotes, and then they just have
the one Wile E. Coyote left, and so
they had to reattach his head through surgery,
or something like that. (audience laughter)
Basically, one of Big Howard's jobs that he did,
was he used to make lawns.
And the thing that makes up lawns, is something called sods.
(audience laughter)
And, basically, when you find a bit of lawn
that's been broken up, you fix it with a sod.
And that operation is called sodomy.
(audience laughter)
And, sometimes, when you don't have any sods on you,
but a friend in another town might have some sods.
So, they have to post them to you.
(audience laughter)
In the lawn-making business we call the lawn, the subject.
So, when you fix a lawn with a sod
that's been sent in the post, you call it
a post-sodomy subject change.
(audience laughter and applause)
I'm absolutely really pissed.
Now, my grandad, I like to call him Poppy.
(audience laughter)
Remembering that I'm dyslexic.
And, also, bizarrely, my grandad is the Pope!
(audience laughter)
He's the Pope, and
I say I call grandad, Popey.
Never pee-pee.
Popey.
Never pee-pee, orange juice.
Because, that can cause burning,
in the area of your winky.
It really can sting, it really can sting quite bad.
Thank you. (audience applause)
I enjoy a barbecue (audience laughter)
as much as the next man.
Sometimes, I succumb.
I succumb to, I say, "I don't want a barbecue,
we can't have a barbecue today", and then
Big Howard, he says, "No way, no.
No we can't have a barbecue."
And then we both go, "C'mon, let's have a barbecue!"
(audience laughter)
We succumb to sizzling.
(audience laughter and applause)
We call that circum-sizzle.
And for some reason, we always cook
sausages with the ends cut off.
(audience laughter)
Thank you, thank you, I'm hear all week.
Thank you, thank you very much.
My name's Little Howard, good night!
(audience applause) (intense rock music)
I liked it when all the nice people laughed
at the funny things I said.
I didn't necessarily understand why
they were laughing a lot of the time, but it was
very nice to see all the nice honest people happy.
Do you think this screen makes me look fat?
No, no, no, don't look over there!
Do not look at the man behind the curtain.
(audience laughter)
(funky techno music)