What's...that supposed to mean?
That expose the Voice did when you turned the Xerxes Building into a brewery didn't do the Zetas any favours.
So who's to say that you, and the Beef Parade didn't visit the newspaper's office looking for payback?
Like the in-depth history of the Adonis Hunt was good for you?
And they busted the Alchemy nerds for illegal surveillance of campus parties. We all had good reason to want them gone!
Which is why my friends and I, led by, let me stress again, the heroic vampire who saved all of us -
[Laura gestures to a broody, aloof useless lesbian vampire]
Uh, yeah. Hi.
- will be handling the investigation.
we're impartial
impartial?
You're the ones who overthrew the administration and caused this whole mess -
- and you're thick as thieves with the Summers
Oooh yeah, well from where I'm standing they look pretty cosy with your douche canoes too!
oh - oh - oh - oh - oh - oh - Oh - OH!
Okay. Me.
...Yes, Wilson.
Me and Danny - we could be like, um, you know uh like people here to like represent!
Representatives?
Yes!!
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but we are the logical choice.
Yeah, we are!
Terrific! Ok, so Danny and Kirsch will help, everyone else - lay off with the flaming arrows
and we figure out what happened to the newspaper students before anything else goes [interrupted by protest sounds coming from outside]
Uh - Laura - there's kind of a group of protesters outside
...wrong. Protesters?!
Protesting the inhumane treatment of the giant Anglerfish.
Okay - just so I'm sure I'm not having a seizure - you just said -
The Anglerfish.
...That tried to eat us.
They're calling her Lophii.
- tried to EAT us.
They seem to be upset she's trapped in a giant pit with frat boys throwing firecrackers in her eye
which does sound kind of unpleasant.
[protests continue] Wait, are you telling me you actually feel sorry for the monster who tried to brainwash you?
Woah, brainwashing - let me go check that out -
[towards the door] Hey Fish Minions! Can you feel your minds being controlled?
Huh. So evil has PETA protesters.
like we needed anymore suspects.
Fish crazy aside -
Do we have a truce?
[clears throat]
Fine.
Agreed.
...I'm good.
You know...when this whole friends with the Zetas thing blows up in your face
...I'll be running for Society president unopposed.
And here I thought this was going to be a quiet semester. [Laura scoffs.]
Glad you're back, Laura
Fangface.
Xena.
This is gonna be awesome, D-Bear.
We're gonna unite our warring bros, we'll be like Bromeo & Juliet -
Do you know even know how Romeo & Juliet ends?!
Yeah! There's kissing!!
So that went terribly.
Although no one put anyone else's head on a pike, so better than expected!
I really wish you'd cut out the mythologizing.
the what?
trotting me out like some prized pony.
"Carmilla, the heroic vampire who saved the day."
But -
- that is what you did.
- not the way you keep telling it.
and what's wrong with the way that I'm telling it?
like it were easy
like I wasn't scared the whole time
like it's your reason to like me
Perry -
Perry - are you okay?
Not really
there's um -
well - something happened while I was sleeping in the other room -
and I was alone - I made sure I put all the bolts on the doors because -
that's what you do when your university's been overrun by vampires -
but - but [struggles] I don't know how they got to me, how they did this -
there's blood I can smell it
Perry -
we need you to open your shirt, okay?
we need to see - if you're okay
oh my god - what is that?
It's Latin.
[Reading] Woe to those who follow in the footsteps of the dead, for their doom is at hand.
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