That's true.
They bought him stuff.
They bought him stuff, Brian, and that's what love is.
They bought him a lot of stuff.
I don't know if you know that, but that's what love is.
Nina, what are some of Voldemort's most redeeming qualities?
Oh, this was a tough question when you asked me, Brian, because it feels like when people
say, "At least Hitler was a painter and liked dogs."
It was kind of thin on the ground.
I guess the biggest thing I came up with is if you know about his backstory, it's very
troubled.
I feel like this is mentioned a bit in the films, but the books definitely go more into
it.
Where his mother was a witch who tricked a handsome Muggle into marrying her, and then
used love potion.
They had a child, he left her.
Yeah, and then the mother dies, and so he's left at an orphanage and then brought to Hogwarts
later.
There is a horrible, tragic quality to that whole story that he's born to people who do
not love each other outside of magical artifice.
His mother does love him, but dies pretty quickly.
I mean, there is a sympathetic...
Oh God, it feels so gross to say that, edge to Voldemort.
Just say it.
It's true.
Fine, I'm going to own it.
There's a sympathetic element to his character.
He had mommy issues.
Yeah.
He has parent issues across the board.
Who doesn't?
He is also an orphan, but his parents... at least Harry's parents really liked each other.
I don't think Voldemort's tolerated each other outside of the fact that his mom was drugging
his dad on a regular basis.
I mean, that's just...
I mean, that's typical these days, I think.
I mean, that is the plot of Phantom Thread.
Sorry to spoil that film for anyone who hasn't watched it.
I guess, it's an immortal...
There's a lot of crossover between the Harry Potter crowd and the Phantom Thread crowd.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah.
I would think so.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I think that's the biggest thing I came up with is that there is a very tragic,
sad element to him and I think that needs to be considered, but also does not excuse
anything that he ever does.
I need to be very clear about that.
For you, the redeeming quality is that he's got a backstory that a person can relate to.
Yeah.
We all come from our own version of that, and it's not necessarily that, but no one's
childhood is idyllic.
No one has perfect parents, no one has a perfect family.
Right.
When you consider his backstory, you can start to see why he is the way he is?
He was a lonely abandoned kid, orphaned kid who grew up with nothing, and when you look
at another antagonist like Draco Malfoy, who grew up in a mansion with two loving parents.
Rich kid.
Really every amount of-
Loving parents?
Loving?
Well, liking.
They loved him enough to get his hair done so it matched.
Yeah.
They bought him stuff.
They bought him stuff, Brian, and that's what love is.
They bought him a lot of stuff.
I don't know if you know that, but that's what love is.
I hope you're right.
That kid had every element of privilege and still just sucked.
Yeah.
There's a sympathetic element to Voldemort's entire backstory, and that's kind of all I've
got about the guy.
That's something.
Yeah.
It's a thing.
It's terrific.
I think you could have gotten him out on parole.
Yeah.
I'll see if he's up in 10 or 20 years.
Tom, what about you?
What are some of Voldemort's most redeeming qualities that you could think of?
You know, I was thinking about it and I think that he, is aside from the very important
detail of his being British, I think that he is the most American villain that you could
ask for.
I think he's got this kind of an idealized version of Reagan-era politics to him where
he picked himself up by his bootstraps, lifted himself up off the ground.
He gets done with school, what does he do?
Does he dwell on the fact that, yeah, he killed some kids?
He doesn't.
He goes out there, and after getting, if I'm not mistaken, Nina, he was offered a job in
government, right?
He was offered a job either at Hogwarts or in the Ministry, I'm not sure which, and he
takes a job at a store.
At a small business, right?
Supporting a small business, and then he uses that to build himself up further, right?
That's where he learns about Horcruxes and stuff, right?
No, he knew about... no, no, Tom.
He knew about Horcruxes before that.
It's where he finds out where the most valuable items aren't going so he can make them into
Horcruxes.
That's even better, so he's got an eye for business, and then he starts his own small
business from the ground up.
He inspires love in his followers.
Are you calling the Death Eaters a small business?
It's a catchy name.
Yeah, I mean what is it if it's not?
It's good branding.
Terrific name, yeah.
What income do they make?
I don't know.
I mean, there's friendship.
Finders keepers.
The greatest treasure of all.
That's a great point, Brian.
Whatever they finds, they keeps.
You're right.
If they had spelled Death Eaters wrong, as one word, it would have been a great app startup.
No, so I think that there are a lot of good qualities in the guy.
I think he's economical in the... there's that old, what's that journalistic phrase
where you never use a 5 cent word or never used a 10 cent word when a 5 cent word will
do, and he brings that to his face where he doesn't need the hair.
What's the nose doing for it?
Let's lose it.
Lose it.
It's just wind resistance.
Get out of here.
Yeah.
There's another old truism, "A design is not perfect when there's nothing left to add,
but rather when there's nothing left to take away" and that's what he did with the front
of his head.
Tom, would you also argue that he's persistent, and that's a good quality because every single
year he tries to kill a teenager?
Absolutely.
Actually, I have one more.
He's considerate because when he tries to kill that teenager every year, he does it
right after the school year is ending, or when it's about to end.
He is very considerate of Harry's schedule.
He makes sure they get through finals.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He wants to make sure the kids get their learning done first.
He's got the summer blahs at the beginning of the year.
Yeah.
Lets them get past that, really refined himself, redefined himself in a lot of ways.
He always waits till May to attack and I just think that's admirable.
Well, who wants to start a magic war in the middle of winter?
True.
We're all down.
Yeah.
It's so gray outside.
You want to make sure that the days are as long as possible.
Absolutely, get that sunshine.
Get that vitamin D.
If there's one thing he's known for it's for soaking up those rays.
He's got such a great complexion.
Yeah, Voldemort is such a sun bunny.
He put out that surf album that was pretty good right out of college when he was still
finding himself.
Beach Boy covers.
Yeah.
It's really good.
He probably saved a lot of money by rooming with Professor Quirrell in the first book
by just living on the back of his head.
The guy's got, he's admirable.
That was mine actually...
That was similar to mine because I was going to say he's so, he's single-minded, he's dedicated.
Yeah.
This is a guy who is committed, so committed, that he'll do anything he needs to do to achieve
his goals, including sticking himself on the back of someone's head that is also wrapped
up in a tight turban, so he's not getting any-
No, the turban is specifically to hide him though.
That's the only option.
That's what I'm saying.
That's how into...
He's like, "Whatever, just stick me on the back of your head, wear a turban.
It's the only way that this will work.
I don't care that I can't breathe or see."
Is that how you think the conversation went?
He just walked up to this guy and he was like, "Hey, stick me on the back of your head,"
and the guy went, "Absolutely."
Guys, I got to stop you right here.
Okay, there's a couple of things.
First of all, the turban was not the only option.
Let me just give the Photoshop team headaches here.
He could have worn a backwards baseball cap that would have looked pretty fly, I think
you'll agree.
Secondly, Brian, I don't think you get to call somebody single-minded if they're literally
living on somebody else's brain.
Okay.
Fair enough.
Fair point.
That's true.
Another hat option to celebrate the second season of the greatest show of all time is
that he could have worn a fedora with a safari brim down the back, like Tim Robinson in I
Think You Should Leave.
Everyone loved that hat.
He's carrying around dice in his robes.
Yeah.
It would be a great look for him.
I like it.
So, Brian, yours is his persistence and his single-mindedness.
Yeah.
I just was going to say, this is a guy who will do what it takes.
If that means making it so that he can't breathe and all he can smell is some guy's head at
all times, at all hours.
How does... does he eat?
Does Quirrell put the soup spoon behind his head?
Oh, I never thought of that.
Does he just let rats crawl up his back so that he can munch on them or something?
I don't know how to-
He lets Pettigrew crawl up probably.
His henchman is a rat.
They do something else, I think.
That scene would have been so great in the movies.
You get to see him at the great hall at dinner and he's sneaking a straw up into the back.
He's pushing a chicken nugget in the back of his turban.
No, he has a chicken, a full drum stick and he's just scratching the back of his head
with it.
Pulls out a bone and he's like, "Oh, that's weird."
Oh, magic.
Magic.
Yeah, and nobody thinks it's weird because magic.
Yeah.
You can get away with a lot at Hogwarts because magic.
Because magic.
Yeah.
So, yeah, that's my pick.
I think if you want something done, he may not actually get it done, but he will do everything
he can to try.
You bet he will, short of trimming his nails.
Short of trimming his nails.
I mean, that's a bridge too far.
I agree with you that he is single-minded Brian, but I do want to push back against
that he'll do whatever it takes.
Because if you think about the plan he comes up with in Goblet of Fire, his whole plan
is have a henchman sneak into Hogwarts.
Harry has to live through all of these super dangerous tasks.
He cannot die during any of them, or the whole plan is ruined.
Okay.
No one else can win the tournament, and this is like a nine to ten month gambit where literally
everything could go wrong at every second, just for a vial of blood.
He could have just been like, "Hey, rat, henchman, go bite him in his sleep and put it in a vial
and come back."
I mean, they could have killed him dozens of times.
Yeah.
In dozens of different ways.
Voldemort is very, it's very like Dr. Evil vibes where he lowers them over a pool of
sharks with laser beams.
Sharks with lasers, yeah.
How will you get out of this?
Yeah.
Voldemort does have that vibe a little bit, but Goblet is the worst example to me because
I'm like, this is a full year's worth of nonsense that could all go very, very, very wrong,
and yet this is your grand plan.
There were definitely easier ways to do this.
He's from the mouse trap school of plans.
Okay.
Now I'm in this.
He needs to make sure that the boot has to kick it in just the right way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You have to get...
The gear has to be just in place.
Yeah.
So Harry, once this man dives into a small cup of water, I think you'll find...
I love this.
You know what else?
You know what we forgot to talk about?
What's that?
He seems like he's a great hugger.
You remember when he gives Draco that hug?
Yeah, his hug with Malfoy?
Yeah.
It lasts for an hour.
Yeah, no, that's a firm hug.
That's nice.
He really owns the bald look.
Absolutely.
He's always running his hands over his head.
He clearly really digs it.
He's the Moby of the magic world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's a disturbingly apt comparison.
Yeah, from everything we hear about Moby.
He looks a little bit like Ralph Fiennes.
Just a little.
I don't see it.
No.
Kind of looks like the guy from Made in Manhattan, but not really.
Not much.
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