- Hilarious (laughs) Chinese Translation Fails.
(funky music)
- You know when you are a kid
and your momma tells you to eat vegetable?
Don't eat vegetables, (bleep) vegetables.
And here's a good one.
When you go to a cafe, a restaurant,
not just any cafe,
Rape When Greenstuffs.
What are greenstuffs?
- Vegetables, (laughs) I don't know.
- Really don't like it, that's what I think.
- There's something wrong with vegetables.
- Yeah. - You just hate it.
- You don't just eat it you rape, you rape,
you raped it.
When there's a fire,
you don't want to use a fire extinguisher,
too much of fire, (bleep) hand grenade.
And here's a good one.
When you walk you got be very careful,
you want to slip and fall down carefully.
Carefully.
- I can't even read the sign.
What does that mean?
- I don't even, it's not a Chinese, I don't get it.
I don't even get the Chinese word.
Okay, if you just got divorced
you go into a restaurant, this is what you order.
Roasted husband.
(laughter)
- Can I order that?
- You want to order the roasted husband?
Can I get a one roasted husband and one roasted wife.
Oh, this is a good one.
Be careful, beware of missing foot.
Beware of missing ... You go there,
you want to find some, it's like Walking Dead.
You got foot lying around.
- How about hand?
- Hand. - Missing hand.
- Missing hand.
Here's something you'll like.
The wild germ hate soup.
- What's the Chinese?
Oh, my!
What does it say? - The wild germ hate soup.
- Wild germ, when they want to say mushroom.
- Yeah, basically.
- That's how much the wild germ hates this soup.
It's a soup that they really hate.
- You know some people can get like
poisoned by mushrooms, so I guess so.
It's kind of like a germ.
- Potato the crap.
(laughter)
- What's the Chinese?
- Potato the crap.
- The crab, it's a crab.
It's actually C ... - Crab, this kind of crab.
- It's crab, not crap. - It's this kind of crab.
(laughter)
- It's just off by one letter, it's just.
- Let's eat some crap, dude, let's eat some crap.
Let's get potato the crap.
Here's a good one, potato the crap out of it.
Potato crap out of it.
Oh, meat muscle stupid bean sprouts.
Not just bean sprouts, stupid bean sprouts.
Now sometimes Chinese can be very cocky.
I don't understand man.
Give me some stupid bean sprouts please.
- I know.
- I don't want stupid bean sprouts,
I want a smart bean sprout.
- So sad for the bean sprout.
(laughter)
- Okay, grab me now!
Cock.
- And this is English.
- And it's 7-Eleven, cock zero.
I want some cock zero.
I want some cock light.
(laughter)
Can I get some cock zero please, 2.90?
- No, you can't just ask for it,
you have to grab it.
- Grab me now, go grab me some cock zero.
(laughter)
Here's a good one.
You want some drink?
What do you want to drink?
Whatever.
What do you want to drink?
Whatever.
What do you want to drink?
Whatever.
Can I get some dumping please?
- Dumping. - I want some dumping, man.
I want some, give me some Chinese dumping.
I want them brown dumping right there.
- It's a very nice restaurant,
they recycle from your ... - You recycle.
- Washroom. - Some dumping man,
some dumping.
It's one piece left right there.
Here's another one.
(reading in Chinese)
- Wang. - Wang had to burn.
Man, Wang gives all his heart and soul to the dish
he had to burn to cook this dish for you.
- I feel sorry for Wang.
- Oh my goodness man.
It's like you gotta burn, you gotta burn.
If you're hungry you want some fresh crap.
(laughter)
You want some fresh crap.
You have potato the crap or you have fresh crap.
That's awesome.
I wonder if not fresh isn't cheaper.
$7.99 a pound.
You know you've heard of Chinese eating dog meat,
not just dog meat,
it's meat fried cat ear.
- I got to say this, actually in Chinese it is cat ear.
- It is cat ear, just translated?
- But it's not cat, nothing to do with meat.
- It's nothing to do with meat?
- It looks like cat ear.
- It looks like cat ear?
- Yeah, so actually this is not like a ...
- But what if I want some cat ears?
So I want some cat ear.
Isn't that good?
Here's another one.
Fries pulls out of the rotten child.
- Wow.
- That, I don't know what it is.
- You want some French fries?
Pulls out of the rotten child.
I love this one.
Saving water, you're the best.
Urinating into the pool, you are the best.
Flushing timely, you are the best.
Protecting private property, you are the best.
(laughter)
Hey, boy!
Be a good kid, urinate in the pool.
You are the best.
Not just any rubbish,
poisonous and evil rubbish.
That is one bad apple.
- Yeah. - It is such an evil apple.
Only poisonous and evil rubbish can go in.
I love this one.
You want some duck?
Can I get some duck please?
No, (bleep) the duck until exploded.
(laughter)
You don't want to eat the duck,
you want to (bleep) the duck until it ...
- Actually you don't get to eat anything, right?
- Exploded. - That's right.
You don't get to eat anything,
you're just going to do some action.
- (bleep) the duck until exploded.
- And you have to pay.
- You have to pay.
Can you imagine to go get your box in?
"Yeah, I want to (bleep) the duck until exploded."
"So you want to (bleep) it here or you want it to-go?"
- I've got to call 911. - You want to-go?
- "Hey!" - Can I get to-go?
(laughter)
Okay, this is a good one.
Walking down the aisle in a supermarket,
a time sex thing.
It actually means one time use.
- Yeah, one time use.
- But I think, maybe Google translated
it becomes a time sex thing, I mean, one time sex thing.
You walk down one time sex thing aisle.
- Oh my God!
(laughter)
- No shiting, thank you.
That's actually correct.
- But where, where did they post that?
- Yeah. - But it's not ...
(laughter)
You don't need to shit in the washroom.
- You're going in the washroom,
you can't shit here.
You can pee, but you cannot shit.
- No, no.
- No shitting allowed.
- Wait!
What's the governance on that?
Is there somebody at the door?
- We've got a camera on you man,
don't take off your (bleep) pants.
- Don't want a catchy tag.
- Okay, here's a good one.
Beware of safety.
- It's too safe here.
- This is too safe, I don't want to be here.
This feels too safe.
I want some danger.
Give me some excitement. - Give me some anchoring.
- Give me some (bleep) and no shitting here.
I want to (bleep) the duck until it exploded.
(laughter)
Okay, what's this?
Please don't be edible.
Exterior girdle food.
What does that mean?
Please don't be edible.
- I guess it's Google Translate.
- It's like don't be nice.
- You know, you go there you see these signs.
You know in China you eat dogs,
people say they eat dogs as one of their food.
They're probably wondering if they eat humans too.
- If eat humans too, oh my goodness.
Here's a good one.
- Whisky.
- Whisky and cock.
Why do they always, they want to do coke,
but why they always translate into cock?
(laughter)
- I think it's because of their accent.
They actually say cock when they say coke.
- Coke - It's the ...
It's the way they pronounce it.
- So grab me now cock zero and whisky and cock.
Okay, here's another one.
I want some tuna mayo, prawn mayo.
This is Japanese.
Smoked salmon is not, and crap stick.
Give me some crap stick.
- They're the same price as the prawn and tuna.
- I want crap stick man, I don't want ...
Same price, I want crap stick.
Okay, not racist at all.
Special for deformed.
not disabled people, deformed.
You use this washroom, you are deformed unfortunately.
- Yeah. - Okay.
What is that? - Examination for ...
Emergency room, cunt examination.
(laughter)
How do they translate that?
"Hey, where are you going?"
"I'm going to cunt examination."
- They might have used Urban Dictionary,
instead of Dictionary.com.
- Cunt examination.
No discunt.
You are no discunt man,
we don't do discunt here.
No discunt, please.
Please don't touch yourself, let us help you try out.
(laughter)
- Where did they post the sign?
- Oh my god.
Please, don't touch yourself, let us help you out with that.
We can grab the cock zero for you.
- Thanks. - Thanks.
And then look at the exclamation mark.
- Yeah. - Thanks.
I told you, they're racist.
It's for deformed and then they have racist park.
If you are a racist you can go.
You can go.
- Just so then people know ...
- I'm now racist man, I'm going to racist park.
- They want to say like cultural, this cultural park.
- Cultural park. - And for some reason ...
- But now you become a racist.
- It translate into racist - "Where do you work, man?"
"I work at a racist park."
- Hey, you don't want to go here,
execution in progress.
(laughter)
They're chopping off someone's head.
- Wait five minutes until we're done.
- Wait five minutes man.
No shitting here, execution in process.
Don't go in, don't go in.
Here's one.
No drunken drive ...
Do drunken driving.
(laughter)
You know what, you want to drink and drive.
Only drink and driving.
New flavor, Wang-seasoned seaweed.
I feel so ...
Do you remember the dish? - No.
- Wang had to burn. - Yeah.
- And Wang seasoned, like a saw, seaweed.
Oh my god.
I like your smile, but I like you put your shoes on my face.
This actually goes on to the lawn.
Basically telling you, you don't want to step on the lawn.
But the lawn is telling you, "I like your smile,
"but I like you to put your shoes on my face."
- It doesn't even make sense.
It actually doesn't make sense.
Here's a good one.
Soup for the sluts.
You're not a slut, you can't eat this.
- That's an interesting target market.
- Soup for the sluts.
- For girlfriends though. - Yeah, soup for the sluts.
- Give me 10 boxes.
- When they get together a pack of six,
soup for sluts.
Do not disturb, tiny grass is dreaming.
This is so nice.
- That's kind of cute actually.
- That's actually cute. - It's cute.
- This is actually cute.
Yeah, do not disturb, tiny grass is dreaming.
And that's it.
Those are the hilarious Chinese translations.
If you see any other ones, please comment below.
We had a great time.
This is all fairly fun.
(laughter)
Hold on.
Don't grab me now, please.
Leave a comment below.
Click on the click button.
If you want to check out other Decode China videos,
click on the videos on the left
and I'll see you in the next episode.
And don't (bleep) the duck until exploded.