There's a few around that the most romantic thing you could tell someone else is,
" I don't want to change a thing about you,
'I love you exactly as you are."
According to a prevalent romantic philosophy,
Love is definitely not meant to be about trying to alter another person.
But, a blanket refusal to listen to any idea of change at our lover's hands
would only make sense if we were in fact, already more or less perfect.
and yet, the more time two people spend around each other,
the more they're naturally going to spot
things that are a little less than ideal.
It might be something quite small - their way of chewing perhaps.
Or something larger.
Their attitude towards their career or family.
Many other people might've spotted these problems before -
If they never said anything, it's not because they're nicer -
just far less concerned.
But our lovers can and have to be bothered.
It's the mixed privilege of the job.
However, because the concept of education in love
has such low status, things tend to go terribly wrong when there's a lesson to impart.
From a lack of confidence in the legitimacy of their task,
the lover with something to teach may be neither calm nor prepared.
Furthermore, because so much is at stake
A fear of not being listened to over something vital
can quickly explode into rage
or something similar.
As for the one who has something to learn,
Our culture immediately makes them feel that feedback is by nature unromantic and illegitimate.
They can feel - got at - picked on -
and humiliated and so may fall back on that comforting
yet nonsensical line,
"You wouldn't criticize me if you loved me."
In love, we're too often
terrible educators and students.
Yet in truth, we're all so imperfect,
We've got to teach
and learn.
Good criticism is the salvation not the end of love.
A lot about love IS about tolerating and accepting frailties.
But some of it is also about offering the sort of feedback that no one else
gives a damn enough about to give us.
Love should not be about cherishing everything,
But about seeing the full potential in one another
And therefore, about trusting in one another enough to listen to challenging information.
Good love means two people on a rotating basis,
knowing how to take on the roles
both of really kind teacher
and deeply open minded,
undefensive student.
Did you know the School of Life is actually a place.
Ten places, in fact.
Campuses all over the world. From Melbourne to London.
Taipei to Istanbul.
With classes, books, and lots more.
Please click on the link below, to explore more.