(upbeat music)
- I'm John, I'm a private investigator here in Los Angeles
and today, I have to deduce which of these subjects
is the lone wolf, the single person.
Hello.
- Hey.
- Will you please join me here?
- Sure.
- What's your name?
- Spenser.
- Spenser? - Mmhm.
- Do people tell you you look like Sarah Paulson?
- Yeah, all the time.
- Is that annoying?
- No.
Just gets old after.
- Yeah, it gets repetitive.
It's very complimentary.
- Yeah, thanks.
- But when you hear it a bunch--
- It's like-- - Maybe it like
loses its luster or something?
- Mmhm. - Yeah.
- I used to tell people she was my aunt.
- So, you're a liar.
- There you go.
- Spenser, you said?
- Mmhm, with an S, not a C.
- In the middle?
- Mmhm. - [John] Okay.
- No, it doesn't start with a C.
- What's the vowel situation?
Es? - Mmhm.
- Am I dealing with Es here?
- Mmhm. - Okay.
- No Is, or Os, or As.
- It's not Spensor?
- No. (laughs)
- I feel like we're vibing a little bit here.
- A little. - Aren't we?
- Right? - Yeah, yeah.
I wonder how that makes anybody else back there feel.
Where are you from?
- Boston.
- What part?
- 30 minutes south of Boston.
- South? - Yeah.
- What's the name of the town?
- Scituate.
- Scituate?
- Lots of vowels.
- Yeah, okay.
- And an S and a C.
- Where'd you go to college?
- Fordham, in New York.
- Oh yeah, Rose Hill or Lincoln Center?
- Rose Hill. - Okay.
- The boogie-down, as one would say.
- No. (laughs)
What do you do?
- I am our concierge here.
We've met a few times, I've signed you in multiple times.
- Oh, at the front desk?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Well, I tend not to talk to, you know,
below the line people, so.
Concierge, okay.
So you work over there in the main building, I guess, right?
- Yeah, Office Services.
- Okay, gotcha.
How long have you lived in Los Angeles?
- Three years.
- Where do you live now?
- West Hollywood.
It's line on the line between West Hollywood and Hollywood,
I would've said two minutes away
but I don't want people to know where I live, so.
- Well, I would say West Hollywood
is more specific than two minutes away.
- That's fair.
- Okay.
Will you come and join me?
- Absolutely. - Thanks.
What's your name?
- Seth.
- Seth? - Yeah.
- S-E-T-H.
- Thank you.
Where are you from?
- Where was I born?
Or where do I currently live?
- More the former.
Where were you born and where'd you grow up?
Where are you from?
- New Jersey.
- New Jersey, what part?
- Bergen Country, like northeast.
It's like five minutes south of like upstate border
and then 20 minutes like north of the GW Bridge.
- Okay, so, for an outsider like me,
general New York Municipal Area kind of?
New York City?
- Yeah.
- I mean, within--
- Tri-state area.
- Okay, tri-state area, all right, gotcha.
How old are you?
- Uh, 30.
- Okay, you sure?
- Yeah, well, my birthday's coming up, so,
I'm debating-- - When?
- Next week, Monday.
- November. - Yeah.
- All right, where do you live?
- Chicago.
(disc scratching)
- What?
- Chicago. (laughs)
- Okay, what are you doing here?
- Visiting my brother.
- Okay, where in Chicago do you live?
- Ukrainian Village, West Town.
- Yeah, okay.
What do you do out there?
- Digital advertising.
Threw a little wrench in there, huh?
- Um, so you know the intersection of
Chicago and Damen then, huh?
- Chicago, wait, yeah.
- Okay, what business is on the northeast corner
of that intersection?
- I think it is the Greek restaurant, wait northeast.
I don't know.
I know there's a coffee shop
and then there's a Greek restaurant
and then there's a gas station
but I don't know the northeast one.
- Did you go to undergrad?
- Yep.
- Where at?
- Elon University.
- Elon?
- Yep. - Gotcha.
- North Carolina. - Yeah, yeah.
You guys dating?
- No.
- Are you single?
- It's a sad story so yes, but yeah.
- Do you wanna date me?
- No.
- There you go.
- Very small pupils.
Your pupils are pretty small.
- It's kinda combative, this batch.
(laughs)
Are you dating anybody?
- Nope.
- You on any of the apps?
- I did, but I'm more old school,
I like to meet people at bars.
- Which apps were you on, are you familiar with?
- I was on Hinge and Bumble.
- Hinge, I don't even know what the hell that is.
Um, and what, no good?
- Eh, kinda you're just going through the motions.
- I feel like it's all on the apps now.
Are you finding like-minded individuals?
- Yeah, yeah.
- In Chicago?
- Yeah.
- Where's your brother live?
- He lives here.
- Yeah, where?
- He used to live in Culver City
but I don't know where he is now.
- Are you on the apps? - Mmhm.
- Which ones?
- Hinge.
- So what is Hinge?
What's the hook?
Bumble, girls have to reach out first, right?
- Hinge gives you-- - Sexist.
What's Hinge? - Hinge gives you prompts
that you have to answer.
Like mine says, "Where would you find me at a party?"
And my answer is, "With the dog."
- All right.
How old are you?
- 26.
- What do you do for fun?
- I mostly just stay at home, watch movies.
- What's your favorite movie?
- Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
I'm a hermit.
- What's your favorite 21st century movie?
- Guardians of the Galaxy, all of them.
- Mm, mmhm.
What's your favorite movie?
- I'd say Kingpin.
- Nice.
(laughs)
All right, I think I got enough for now.
Thanks for your time.
Will you join me please?
- Thank you.
- Tell me your name.
- Essence.
- Essence? - Mmhm.
- Where you from?
- C-E. - Yeah, oh.
- E-S-S-E-N-C-E. - I didn't do that?
No, that's, no, you didn't,
there's a little curl on the bottom of the C.
- [Essence] Oh, okay, never seen that.
- I'll just make it clearer, just for you.
- Thanks.
- Where are you from?
- I'm from Georgia.
- Okay.
Do you live out here now?
- No.
- Where do you live?
- Jersey.
- How old are you?
- Mmm. - [John] Okay.
- I'm 32.
- Did you go to undergrad college?
- Yeah, and grad. - Where'd you go to college?
- I went to undergrad at Albany State in Georgia
and grad at SUNY Albany in New York.
- Big on the Albanys.
- I guess, that's just kinda how, you know, life panned out.
- What do you do?
- I work here at BuzzFeed.
- Doing what?
- I'm the Beauty Director.
- Okay.
Do they have a whole beauty category of videos
and stuff like that? - Yeah, mmhm.
- Okay, cool.
- Videos and editorial content.
- So what do you do?
Do you edit those articles?
- Sometimes, sometimes I edit.
I do mostly like big features
so like celebrity interviews on the editorial side.
Sometimes I'm in videos like this
which have nothing to do with beauty at all.
- Do you conduct those interviews?
- Yeah.
- You must be very comfortable
since you're used to dealing with
very popular, very likable kind of like famous people.
- Right, exactly. - Right.
- Oh, are you saying that's,
you're comparing yourself to them?
- I mean obviously.
- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
- Which I knew that. - I thought that was, yeah.
- Yeah, I knew that.
- Okay. - Obviously.
- Okay.
- Totally.
- Will you come join me please?
Join us?
What's your name?
- Austin. - Austin.
- Hey, Austin. - Hello.
- And where are you from?
- Torrance.
(sighs)
- And what do you do?
- I am a case assistant at a law firm.
- And how long have you guys been dating?
- Uhhh.
(laughs)
We haven't 'cause I'm single.
- Uh-huh.
When's the last time you went on a date?
- Hmm, last year.
- How'd it go?
- Eh, it was okay.
- What am I even trying to do?
Find out who's single?
(sighs)
How old are you, Austin?
- 23.
- Okay.
Essence, thank you--
- You're welcome. - For your time.
I think I'm done for now,
I might need you back later, but.
- Okay.
- Will you come join me?
- Sure. - Thanks.
Tell me your name.
- I'm Janna.
- Janna? - Yes.
Two Ns.
- Everybody's spelling today.
I guess I appreciate it, it's nice.
Where are you from?
- I am San Bernardino, California.
- Okay, where do you live now?
- I live in Los Angeles.
- Okay, what neighborhood?
- South of K-Town, Crenshaw area.
- What do you do?
- I work on the Social Team at BuzzFeed.
- What do you do day to day?
Are you in charge of deciding when to release the videos?
- Yes. - Okay.
- I manage publishing and I manage content strategy
for the team. - Okay.
Anyway, you datin'?
- No.
- No? - Mm-mm.
- How old are you? - I mean--
I'm 25.
- So, you were about to say something?
I mean?
- I've been seeing people but I'm still single.
- So what does that mean, seeing people?
- I recently went out with my housemate's coworker,
that was fun but I didn't really,
I didn't really vibe with him, so.
- Okay.
- And then I had a crush on my housemate's best friend
but I really don't know what that's--
- How's your sex life?
(laughs)
- It's, it's, you know,
you get people here and there that are like...
Sometimes I'm like, yeah,
but sometimes I'm like, no.
And then I just ghost them.
- Shit. - Brutal.
Yeah, wow. (laughs)
- Yeah, I mean, gotta say what you gotta say.
- Yeah, I guess so.
I guess all is fair.
I guess it's the wild west out there, so.
So, when's the last date you went on?
- The last date I went on was last weekend.
- Okay, what'd you do?
What'd you folks do?
- I went to see, what was, what was the name of that movie?
Oh, I went to see Parasite.
- Oh, okay. - [Janna] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right, where at?
- At the ArcLight.
- I have so many questions about this date
but I don't think it matters
'cause I think the whole thing is a lie.
Okay, thank you, Janna.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Austin.
- Thank you.
(papers tap)
- So, four of these people make up two couples?
(sighs) All right, this is tough.
(fingers tap)
You know, 'cause, you know, I'd like,
you know, I'd like to be likable, you know.
I'd like to...
You know, it's not like, completely inappropriate to ask
about someone's, you know, like orientation
or like who they like to date
but like it also seems a little intrusive, you know?
Then again, I needed like details of Seth's sex life, so.
(laughs)
All right.
I have my feelings, I have my hunches.
Here's the deal.
I think Janna and Austin are dating.
They've been out of my thought process for a while.
That obviously narrows things down.
Seth is the answer to my investigation here.
I think Seth is straight,
which means he's dating either Essence or Spenser.
Can't rule out the fact that
maybe Spenser and Essence are dating
and Seth is the single one, but.
Says he lives in Chicago,
Essence says she lives in New York.
Maybe that's partially true,
you can't really trust anybody.
They're of similar ages.
She's from Georgia, he went to college in Georgia.
Again, this is what they tell me.
She lives in Jersey, he's familiar with New Jersey,
I think maybe he went to school out there,
used to live there, grew up there, I think.
Doesn't matter but it's always nice to hear
when someone's favorite movie is Kingpin.
(laughs)
- Maybe I'm dating him, I don't know.
(laughs)
- Spenser's evasive, was very combative.
(laughs)
Generally seems very unpleasant, I don't--
(laughs)
- I get that a lot.
- I think either Essence or Spenser is single.
That's not a final.
And I'm on the clock, you know, I'm on the clock,
I'm getting rushed here.
I don't know, this is tough.
I just don't wanna get it wrong,
I just love getting these things right.
But I think Spenser is the single one.
(sighs)
(buzzer sounds)
(laughs)
I was kinda close, I guess.
- You did great.
- Shut up. - All right.
- I'm just unpleasant.
(laughs)
- All right, you got me.
(sad music)
(group applauds)
- Would you like a group hug?
- No. - Okay.
(laughs)
Can we (bleep) cut this goddamn (bleep) out now?
(bleep)
No, look, I was, I was pretty close.
When you put five people in front of anybody
and their whole point is to lie their asses off
and deek you out--
- I didn't really lie. - I was still pretty close.
I mean, I said from the get go,
I knew two of 'em were dating right off the bat
and it came down to either Essence or Spenser
and I made the wrong choice.
At the end there, there's a little bit of gut instinct
that you try and follow and that sort of thing
and I was wrong.
But it happens.