What causes anxiety and suffering?
Maybe let me tell you my own story.
It's not a nice story,
but it has a good ending, a happy ending.
My story is...
Maybe you know?
When I was young, I had anxiety disorder, or panic disorder.
It was a big problem.
And...
When I was in three year retreat, you know, when I was doing retreat,
at that time I was really focusing on working with my panic.
And what I found was that
there were two causes of my anxiety. Two causes.
First, you believe in your panic.
With any message that comes from panic, you think,
"Yes, you're right. Yes sir."
Because you have monkey mind, yeah? What I call monkey mind.
Blah blah blah. Yada yada yada.
Always talking, talking.
But this voice is not always nice, you know.
It worries.
It worries too much, you know, and make problems.
Excuse me.
"This is a problem! That is a problem!"
"He's not good! She's not good!"
"Oh, there's danger! Oh!"
And you think, "Yes! Yes! It's not good, not good!
"This is a problem! What should I do? Hmm! Oh!"
In this way, the problems become bigger and bigger.
And in your brai, the scientists say -
there's a lot of neurons in your brain, and they talk a lot!
They love gossip! Gossipy neurons.
Anf they share gossip with each other, you know.
And then one neuron says, "Oh, there's a problem!"
And then another neuron says, "Yes! There's a problem!"
"Oh! Yes, yes!"
And they become bigger, and bigger, and bigger,
like a political group, you know. They become bigger.
Then your perception also changes.
You know, everything looks kind of fearful.
Everything looks like it's dangerous.
You cannot sleep. Your heartbeat goes up, also.
And...
For you, the world is…
Fearful!
Why? Because you believe in your panic.
You say, "Yes sir!"
That's why, maybe 99…
Maybe 98% of your perception is not real, but you created it.
Your fear becomes bigger, and bigger, and bigger.
So, if you recognize that this is my own perception…
Some scientist said,
"99% of our worries are not going to happen."
You know.
So this is the first cause. And the second cause is…
After some time, maybe you don't like your panic.
For me, also. At first, I believed the panic.
"Yes! Oh..."
Then later on, it drove me crazy, you know.
There was a lot of problems. I didn't like my panic.
I had fear of my panic. I had panic about panic.
Aversion to panic, and dislike.
The fear of panic is stronger than the panic itself sometimes.
And then, it is like,
"Hey!" You know. You're fighting with the panic.
You're against the panic. And that also creates more anxiety.
So behind the anxiety, there's another anxiety,
which pushes you to develop your anxiety.
This is why I think the best is…
the best is…
the wisdom, which makes you recognize your own perception.
Maybe you have a little bit of a problem,
but your mind exaggerates the problem
and makes it very big.
And…
The method here is compassion and meditation -
calm abiding meditation.
And that
gives you peace - a more peaceful experience.
Your mind becomes calmer and more relaxed.
With the combination of these two,
you can free yourself from your panic.
And this is not only with panic,
but also with all the other types of sufferings, also,
and situations in our lives.
Everybody has their own sufferings.
Everybody has their own problems.
Each one has a little bit of different problems.
Some are a little bit funny.
Some of them look like they are meaningless.
Some look like big problems.
And some people have big problems
but they don't feel like they are having big problems.
"I'm OK with that," you know. "Who cares?"
So it depends on how your mind looks at it.
Maybe you have a problem.
And it's always connected with, maybe,
"Yes sir!" Or fighting. "Hey get out!"
These two types of problems, you know.
For example...
Maybe I will use a funny problem.
What is a funny problem?
I cannot find one now.
No problems, you know.
Well...
OK, this might not be really funny,
but some people are very worried about their stomachs.
"I look like I have a big stomach. Oh, no!" Who knows? Hmm...
And when they look in the mirror, you know,
"Huh? My stomach!" You know.
But...
Maybe your stomach is not that big.
But as you look in the mirror again, and again,
then you see, "Oh I think my stomach is big," you know.
And then that is developed in your brain.
These gossipy neurons that are talking to each other,
"Yes! Your stomach is big! It's not good!
"You should do something! Exercise!" Or whatever.
"Don't eat! It's too much!"
"But I want to eat!" "But it's not good!"
Your mind says, "Don't eat!
But your stomach says, "Eat!" And they fight.
And slowly, slowly, you feel like you're very ugly. And every day
you feel like your stomach is becoming bigger and bigger,
although it's not!
Who knows? Maybe it's becoming smaller!
But you feel like it's becoming bigger and bigger, you know.
And when you walk in front of other people, you think,
"Oh, shes's looking at my big stomach."
Or, "He's looking at my big stomach."
But actually nobody is looking at your stomach.
But you think like that.
Then you cannot communicate with others, you know.
You're very shy, or embarrassed, or depressed.
And...
Then sometimes you may think,
"Oh, maybe this is not real! Maybe it's just me thinking!
Maybe it's just me creating this, thinking that I have a big stomach.
And you do some research.
"Maybe they are not looking at my stomach."
And result of your research is:
Yes! They are looking at your stomach.
But actually they are not.
In that way, your belief becomes stronger.
And you have hope and fear. Yes. No. Yes. No.
So...
90% or 95% is not real.
So if you recognize, "Oh, this is just my own perception.
"Maybe my stomach is a little bit big, but it's not that big.
"And they are not looking at my stomach,"
then you can get rid of —
you can be liberated from this problem.
And that's what we call wisdom.
If you can maintain that recognition,
especially with meditation, it's better.
Or if meditating is something you cannot do,
then with mindfulness, and with awareness,
it's even better.
That's how wisdom and method come together.
Thank you!