HANNAH: MY LIFE WAS SO DARK.
I ACTUALLY WOULD SIT IN MY BEDROOM, CLOSE ALL THE BLINDS,
AND JUST SIT IN THE DARK.
I WAS JUST ON A VERY SELF-DESTRUCTIVE PATH FOR SURE,
AND IT WAS PRETTY SCARY.
JON: AS I GOT TO KNOW HER MORE, WE STARTED TALKING
ALL ABOUT HER PAST, AND THE PAIN STARTED COMING UP.
AND THAT'S WHEN--THAT'S WHEN THINGS GOT REALLY DIFFICULT.
I'D COME OVER AND SHE WOULD'VE CUT HERSELF AND THEN TRY TO
HIDE IT.
SHE SAID THAT SHE WANTED TO DIE, SHE WANTED TO KILL HERSELF.
HANNAH: MY DAD WASN'T AROUND MUCH BECAUSE OF WORK.
HE WAS ALWAYS TRAVELING, AND THAT WAS PRETTY PAINFUL
FOR ME GROWING UP.
AND THEN LATER, ACTUALLY IN HIGH SCHOOL, MY PARENTS GOT
A DIVORCE, AND HE ACTUALLY MOVED AWAY.
SO, I SAW HIM EVEN LESS.
JON: SHE LOVED HER FATHER SO MUCH AND SHE WANTED TO BE WITH
HIM SO MUCH.
AND DURING THOSE FORMATIVE YEARS, THAT ACTION OF NOT BEING
THERE SAYS A LOT ABOUT HOW MEN CAN NOW TREAT YOU, AND WHAT THEY
CAN DO TO YOU, AND WHAT KIND OF MEN YOU'RE GOING TO PURSUE.
HANNAH: I CRAVED MALE ATTENTION.
VERY UNSTABLE GROUNDS GOING INTO HIGH SCHOOL.
IT REALLY SET ME UP FOR SOME PRETTY TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS THAT
I GOT INTO LATER ON.
SO, I WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED A NUMBER OF TIMES BY SOME
OLDER MEN.
I FELT LIKE I WAS UNWORTHY AND WORTHLESS.
THEN I GOT INTO ONE RELATIONSHIP IN PARTICULAR, IT WAS A
LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS ONE GUY, AND IT QUICKLY BECAME
THE MOST DANGEROUS RELATIONSHIP THAT I HAD BEEN IN.
IT WAS ABUSIVE SEXUALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND EMOTIONALLY.
I MEAN, HE REALLY TORE ME DOWN, SO IT WAS A MIRACLE THAT I GOT
OUT OF IT WHEN I DID.
YOU KNOW, I WOULD TAKE DRINKING AND PARTYING TO AN EXTREME.
ALL I CARED ABOUT WAS DRINKING TO NUMB THAT PAIN.
I MET MY NOW HUSBAND, I STARTED SELF-HARMING AGAIN, I DEVELOPED
MY EATING DISORDER, BUT WORSE THAN EVER.
EVERYTHING CAME BACK WORSE.
I WENT TO MERCY MINISTRIES, WHICH IS ACTUALLY NOW CALLED
MERCY MULTIPLIED.
AND I ENDED UP GOING TO THE ST. LOUIS HOME ACTUALLY, THE ONE
THAT JOYCE MEYER HAD OPENED.
IT WAS LIFE-CHANGING.
I WENT INTO THE HOME ONE PERSON AND LEFT A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
PERSON, WHICH I DIDN'T THINK WAS POSSIBLE FOR ME.
I'D SEEN, YOU KNOW, THE TESTIMONIES AND THE STORIES, BUT
I WAS LIKE, "YOU DON'T KNOW."
LIKE, I HAD COUNSELOR AFTER COUNSELOR GIVE UP ON ME, NOT
REALLY KNOW HOW TO HELP ME, AND SO I FELT LIKE I WAS THAT CASE
THAT WAS JUST DOOMED.
JON: AFTER A MONTH, I JUST SAW A COMPLETE SHIFT IN HER TONE
OF VOICE, HER CONFIDENCE.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE.
THERE WAS A MOMENT THAT SHE HAD AT MERCY MINISTRIES THAT CHANGED
EVERYTHING FOR HER.
HANNAH: I WOULD SAY THE BIG HEALING MOMENT FOR ME WAS WHEN I
READ "BATTLEFIELD OF THE MIND."
IT WAS MY BIG GOD MOMENT.
FOR ME, IT WAS INSTANT CHANGE.
IN THAT MOMENT, LIKE DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, EVERYTHING JUST LIFTED,
AND MY OLD SELF KIND OF CAME BACK.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW IMPACTFUL YOUR THOUGHTS WERE UNTIL I READ
"BATTLEFIELD OF THE MIND," AND IT REALLY SHOWED ME THAT, LIKE,
THE WAY YOU THINK IS THE DIRECTION OF YOUR LIFE.
JON: SHE GOT FREE AND SHE'S NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE.
THOSE THOUGHTS AND THOSE THINGS, THEY'RE GONE.
THE ONE TRUE LIVING GOD HEALED MY WIFE AND SET HER FREE.
HANNAH: I JUST FEEL COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED.
IF YOU'RE OUT THERE AND YOU'RE GOING THROUGH ANY TYPES OF PAIN,
THERE'S ALWAYS HEALING AND THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE IN GOD.
HE WAS ALONG MY JOURNEY THE ENTIRE TIME PROTECTING ME,
EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T REALIZE IT.
SO, JUST DRAW NEAR TO HIM, AND IT'S WORTH THE DISCOMFORT OF
GOING THROUGH AND SORTING OUT ALL THOSE PAST THINGS THAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO RUN FROM, OR NUMB AND MEDICATE.
IT'S WORTH FACING IN ORDER TO GET THE HEALING AND LIVE
A HEALTHY LIFE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.