I was going to pick you up.
I wasn't going to let you.
But then-- I know.
And then I thought, well, I'm in heels.
I shouldn't try it in front of so many people.
Wow, smart of you.
Now, happy birthday.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, my gosh.
[APPLAUSE]
How old are you?
What a way to spend it.
I'm 36.
Your 36?
That's a great age.
I think and hope so.
It really is.
Cause you get better as you get older, to a certain point,
and then you just get older, you know?
I'm finding that now.
I'm like, over the point--
What's 60?
I don't know.
60 feels good.
And then when you get over 60, you're
like, eh, let's forget the rest of the-- you know?
And I'm fine.
But it's just, that's a really good.
The whole 30s is good.
OK, good.
Yeah, it's really good.
Whole 30s.
Do you like birthdays?
What are you doing to celebrate?
I realized I asked you to dinner tonight.
But you have something planned, probably.
Yeah, well, I mean, I'm going out with my sister.
My sister's in town.
She came with me last night to the Globes.
Gosh, we had fun.
Oh, my gosh, she had so much fun.
Yeah, she must-- well, that was your first time at the Globes,
too, right?
Yes.
Now, that's quite a time to be your first time there.
I mean, the table that we were at-- well, you're there.
Yeah.
You're there.
You are, to me, everything.
And then Portia, everything.
And then we had Carol Burnett, you
know, American legend, everything.
And then there was also Beyonce and Jay-Z at the table, which--
[LAUGHTER]
I mean, they're the King and Queen of America.
They are.
They were unbelievably gracious.
But my sister and I found out that we
were going to be at their table, and started
panicking, and making a list of, like, well, what can we say?
We live in one bedroom apartments in New York City.
What can we say?
Do you use Hello Fresh?
[LAUGHTER]
What kind of a milk do you like to drink?
And so my sister went right over, and has balls of steel,
and just was great.
And Beyonce was so nice.
And I was just such a--
I just pretended I had something on my pants,
and was sort of like--
[LAUGHTER]
So I blew it, I blew it.
But you meet so many-- every week on SNL,
there's some huge person hosting and doing sketches with you.
Not Beyonce.
Oh.
We all know that's different.
We all know.
Yeah.
She was wearing a large thing.
And people were trying to get to her.
And she was being polite.
But you could tell she was just trying to not talk to people.
And I said, you should have worn something bigger.
Because if it would have--
[LAUGHTER]
You need to protect yourself.
It was clearly not enough.
But, now, when I accepted the award, I thanked you.
And I said, I hate being--
because, I don't mean to say that.
Because people ask me to do things for them.
And I don't want them to think I hate it.
I do.
But I--
[LAUGHTER]
But it's a lot of pressure to write something to give--
did you-- because I felt bad asking you.
But I wanted you to be the one to present it to me.
Well, usually, if anyone asks me to do anything,
I sort of seize up, and then try to find a way to say no.
Because I don't leave the house.
I think I leave the house less than you.
I think you do, too.
I think you're right.
But then the moment you texted me,
I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Because, you know, you've changed my life,
you've changed so many people's lives, not just as a comedian.
I mean, you're the greatest comedian of all time.
Apart from the life that you've led,
and the choices that you've made,
and the bravery that you've shown.
And so I just wanted a chance to say to people
what that has meant to me, and how that's changed my life.
And when you got your--
remember when you got your Presidential Medal of freedom
from President Obama?
No, I don't remember that.
OK.
[LAUGHTER]
That video, whenever I need to have a good cry,
I watch that video.
Because that signifies the movement
of our culture to me in the most beautiful way.
And so you asked me.
And I thought, well, I could certainly
match the gravitas of former presidents.
Surely, I can do just as good.
And so I was putting a lot of pressure on myself.
And then, you know, it was like a month leading up to it.
And I was like, gosh, I got to write that speech, got
to write that speech.
And instead, I clean my closets.
You have no idea what you did for me and my closet.
My closets are so--
I found space that I didn't even know I had.
I found rooms in my apartment that I didn't even know
were there.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Yeah, so when did you write the speech?
On the plane.
[LAUGHTER]
I thought, well, now, I really got to--
I'm down to the wire here.
Yeah, that's how-- I wrote mine three days before.
My God.
Because I was the same.
I was like, how do you--
It's a lot of pressure.
What do you say?
We are back with Kate McKinnon.
And now, who's taking care of your cat while you're gone?
Because you love your cat.
A dear friend of mine takes care of my cat.
And he-- it's a good thing-- oh.
Look, there he is.
He's my best friend.
He's my son.
He came from my body.
But we--
[LAUGHTER]
It's hard with us right now.
Because I don't know if you have this problem
with any your cats.
This guy does not sleep through the night.
Yep, that's my little guy.
And he, at 5:30 AM, every morning--
I don't know if you have this--
he wakes me up by licking my eyes and mouth.
And he sort of-- yeah, he's kind of trying to make out with me,
I think.
So he licks my eyes and mouth.
And I have to get up.
And I feed him.
And then I try to shut him out of my bedroom.
Because he's up.
And then he scratches and screams
for the rest of the night.
And I haven't slept in six years.
Oh, wow, that's not good, that's not healthy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't know what to do.
And his latest little thing is that, if I really shut him out,
he sometimes will just leave a single turd at the door.
[LAUGHTER]
That's impressive.
As if to say, well, if you're going to do that,
then I'm going to do this, and let's see where we end up.
Yeah, I wouldn't lock him out anymore, if I were you.
Mine does not do that.
Charlie meows, she just jumps down throughout the night.
And when she comes back, she needs to announce her arrival.
So just right when she gets in the bed,
she's, meow, in my face.
So I'm sound asleep.
And so she meows.
And the reason she meows is because I
need to lift the covers up, for her to go in,
to turn around, to put our head next to me
on the pillow, which is adorable.
But I'm asleep And I'm just lifting the thing up, and just
waiting for her to--
anyway, that that's what my cat does.
We obviously don't have a picture of my cat, just yours.
I don't need to see my cat.
That's all right.
Yeah, they're running--
Oh, my goodness.
That's Charlie.
What a gorgeous girl--
boy-- girl--
Girl, yeah.
That's chairman looking like a mountain lion.
Oh, my goodness.
She looks enormous there.
That is George looking at a bobcat right
outside of the window.
You can imagine them looking-- there's
a bobcat outside the window.
Uh-huh, do you think he felt bad about himself that day?
[LAUGHTER]
Thinking, I could be--
For not being a bobcat.
Not being a bobcat.
There might have been--
I think the bobcat was curious, like,
how do you get to live inside?
[LAUGHTER]
How do I get that gig?
All right, we've talked too long.
You didn't know what we're going to talk about.
And now we've talked way too long.
And now--
Oh, my goodness.
Now, we have to go to a commercial break, OK?
I'll take it.
OK.
All right, thanks.
All right.
We'll be back.