-Now, if you follow science news, you might have heard
that the Hubble Telescope discovered a new planetary body
that may be the largest gas giant in the known universe.
-Yeah, it's your butt!
-Who said that?
-Uh, your butt did.
-Um, I'm sorry, everyone. This is my nephew, Derrick.
-Hey, Uncle Seth.
-Why are you interrupting my show?
-What?! I was just making jokes.
It's a comedy show, right?
I don't know. My squad thought it was funny.
-Yo, what's up? -What's up?
-What's up? -What's up?
-What's up?! -I'm sorry.
Derrick, Derrick, who are those kids?
-Uh, they're my squad. I just said that.
Are you losing your mind?! [ Cackles ]
Because if you're losing your mind,
I know one place you might check.
-Don't say it. -Up your big...
-No. Don't say it, Derrick. -...fat, stupid smelly butt.
-[ Laughs ] -What? What?
-All right. You know what, Derrick?
That's enough! Come over here!
-Hold on. I have to high-five everyone in the audience.
-No! Derrick!
Derrick, get over here!
-Oooh...
-I am so -- so sorry about this, everyone.
My nephew, Derrick, asked me if he could come on the show,
but it looks like I can't trust him
to be mature and sit quietly.
So now he has to sit here with me at the desk
where he can't get in any trouble.
-Hi, Uncle Seth. I like your fake eyelashes.
-Hey. Come on. Very funny, Derrick.
And I hope you're proud of yourself.
I said you could come to the show,
and then you just make fun of me to your friends?
-What? Make fun of you? No.
Uncle Seth, my friends begged me to come on the show
'cause they're huge fans of yours.
-I find that very hard to believe.
-Well, they are! In fact, we all are.
In fact, we even made T-shirts. Can I show you?
Can I show you? -Yeah, sure.
-I wanted permission to show you.
Look.
-Oh.
-Do you know what it says?
-Yeah. "Take a closer look." Wow. That's really cool!
-Isn't that cool? Look at the back.
-"At my child-sized..."
Derrick!
-What?!
-Well, I hope you're happy.
I hope you're happy, Derrick, now that you hurt my feelings!
But now because you had to act out and interrupt my show,
now I don't have time to do my NASA segment!
-Not your NASA segment! -Yeah, I can't do it!
-Oh, n-- -And it's your fault!
-God, you've been talking about the NASA segment for weeks.
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God. What a fool I am.
I'm sorry. I didn't bean to interrupt your NASA segment.
-You didn't bean to? -I didn't mean to.
I just -- I guess I just wanted to impress my friends.
And, you know, nobody --
[ Audience awws ]
Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Nobody even used to know that I existed before.
And now when I act out
or when I speak truth to power, which is --
That's what I was doing before with the T-shirt,
speaking truth to power.
-That's not what that means.
-When I speak truth to power now,
people actually pay attention to me.
I'm afraid if they knew the real me
and the stuff that I actually like,
they'd think I was a spaz.
-Derrick. [ Sighs ]
The real you is always cooler
than anyone you could pretend to be.
And I think it'd be important --
Like, just tell me something that the real Derrick's into.
[ Laughter ]
-Well, I'm really kind of into magic tricks,
but everybody thinks that's super-lame.
-No, Derrick! No!
Derrick, no!
-No? -No, Derrick!
Magic tricks take a lot of skill and dedication.
I think that's really cool, Derrick!
-Come on. -No, it's really cool.
-No! -Could you show me one?
-Nobody wants to see me do a magic trick.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Sure, they do.
Doesn't everyone want to see Derrick do a magic trick?
-Y-You're just goading me.
Fine.
I do have a deck of cards.
-All right, great. Here we go.
A magic trick from my little nephew, Derrick.
Such a good boy.
[ Laughter ]
Such a good boy. -Okay.
I'm going to ask you to just pick a card, any card.
-All right. Any card? -Yeah.
-Okay, gotcha.
-No, not that one! Just kidding. Ha ha ha!
You can pick that one. -Okay.
-Okay, I want you to look at it hard
and show it to the audience, but never to me.
-Okay. I'm going to show it over here.
There we go. -Show it to them, not me.
-Okay, great. -Got it?
Everybody has seen it? Have you seen it?
-Yep. -Yep.
-Okay. Now I want you to put it back in the cards.
-I can put it anywhere? -Put it anywhere, yeah.
-Okay, great. All right. There we go.
-And now I want you to tap it. -Okay.
-I want you to say the magic word -- "awooga."
-Awooga! -Awoo--
Say, "Awooga." -Awooga!
-There you go. Now say the other magic word,
"Chim-chim-cheroo."
-Chim-chim-cheroo.
-All right. Now put it together.
-Awooga! Chim-chim-cheroo!
-Very good. Tap it again. -Huh-huh.
-All right. And was this your card?
[ Laughter ]
-No. -No? It wasn't?
-No. -Huh.
It wasn't? Huh.
-And it couldn't have been. I mean --
-No? Huh. Hmm!
-It's not. -Hmm. Excuse me, sir.
Would you mind -- I think I know what the solution is.
Would you mind checking into your left breast pocket?
-Okay. -Yeah.
-All right.
Wait. This isn't my card. This is -- What is this?
-No, it is your card.
Look. It's your membership card to the Tiny Penis Club.
-Oh, come on! Derrick!
[ Applause ]
-Hey!
-That wasn't even a real trick.
Once again, my feelings are hurt!
That's the trick!
Do you even like magic, Derrick?!
-Of course I do! I love magic!
But I'm just afraid that if I try to do a real magic trick,
I'd only just mess it up like I do everything.
[ Audience awws ]
I'm such a turd. I'm a big turd.
-No, no. Derrick, you're -- -I'm a turd!
-You're not a turd. -I'm a big turd.
-You're not a turd. -I'm a big, squishy one.
[ Laughter ]
-Derrick, I bet if you put your mind to it
you would be able to do a magic trick.
-Really? -Yeah.
-Well, there is one other trick I've been working on.
-You want to try to show it to us?
-I could. -Okay.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, let's see it.
-Ladies and gentlemen, what you're about to see
has never been performed on this world or any other world.
I present to you... Hammurabi's Cross.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪♪♪
Don't be afraid.
The only person at risk tonight...
Ooh!
...is me.
♪♪♪♪
Ugh!
♪♪♪♪
Whew!
The ancient Babylonians believed in a code of justice --
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth...
and a butt for a butt.
But tonight, it will be a hand for a hand
as I attempt to escape the shackles
in this ancient torture box
before the razor-sharp axes fall
and clive my limbs from my very body...
-Cleave, Derrick! -...before the clock runs out.
-They cleave your limbs!
Clive is a first name!
-[ Laughs ]
Don't blink.
♪♪♪♪
[ Laughter ]
I will now enter the torture chamber.
Ooh!
Ugh! Okay.
♪♪♪♪
And now...to shackle me in.
♪♪♪♪
Do not worry.
The axes are in place,
and I will escape from the shackles.
[ Exhales sharply ] I need all of my concentration.
♪♪♪♪
Okay.
♪♪♪♪
Begin the countdown!
[ Grunting ]
-10, 9, 8...
7, 6, 5...
4, 3, 2, 1! -Wait! Wait! I'm not ready!
Wait! No! Not yet!
Aaaaaaah!
♪♪♪♪
Ugh!
[ Laughter ]
Ugh!
Remove the boxes!
Aaaaah!
Ugh!
Bring them to Seth!
[ Laughter ]
Seth, can you -- Are you there, Seth?!
-Yeah, I'm here.
-Seth, open the box.
-Okay.
Ohh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Derrick, that's my card!
-What's in it? -That's amazing!
-What is it? What is it?
-It's the 8 of hearts.
-Ohh.
Okay, Seth, are you still there?
-Yeah. -Can you hear me?
-Yeah! Can you hear me?
-I need you to open the second box now.
-Okay.
♪♪♪♪
[ Laughter ]
-What is it?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Is there something inside of it?
-You're a bad kid, Derrick! We'll be right back!