NOWS
NOWS ARE
NOWS ARE YOU LOOKING TO HEAT THINGS UP IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP THIS SUMMER?
IT MIGHT BE TIME TO SWITCH
THINGS UP FROM YOUR
NORMAL ROUTINE.
NORMAL ROUTINE. WE DECIDED TO DIVE INTO HOW WE
DO JUST THAT IN REAL
TALK.
TALK.
TALK. EVERYBODY STUCK AROUND.
MATTIE'S HERE.
MATTIE'S HERE. CRASH STUCK AROUND, AND
LIFESTYLER INFLUENCER AND
OUR DEAR FRIEND MATTIE JAMES IS
BACK.
BACK.
BACK. I
BACK. I NOTICE WE HAVE A THEME THIS
WEEK.
WEEK.
WEEK. WE'VE BEEN TALKING LOVE, WAYS
TO REKIN THE IT.
IT MUST BE ON EVERYONE'S MIND.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> BUT I REALLY AM GLAD,
BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF
ADVICE OUT THERE TODAY.
A LOT OF BOOKS, A LOT OF LOGS,
A LOT OF POD CASTS.
>> A LOT OF OPINIONS.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> A LOT OF OPINIONS.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> SO THE FIRST ONE WE WANT TO
DIVE INTO IS THERE
ARE WAYS TO REALLY IMPROVE YOUR
RELATIONSHIP, AND
RELATIONSHIP, AND WAYS THAT YOU MIGHT GO, "WELL,
GOSH, IT SCHOOLS LIKE
A NO BRAINER."
BUT WE WANT TO MAKE SURE WE
ACTUALLY DO THESE THING.
THE FIRST THING IS TO SEEK IN
THE POSITIVE.
THE POSITIVE. SO RELATIONSHIP EXPERT DR. JOHN
GOTMAN FINDS HAPPY
COUPLES EXCHANGE AT LEAST FIVE
TIMES AS MANY
POSITIVE STATEMENTS TO AND
ABOUT EACH OTHER AS
NEGATIVE ONES, ESPECIALLY WHEN
DISCUSSING PROBLEMS."
DISCUSSING PROBLEMS." YES OR NO?
DO YOU GUYS MAKE A HABIT OF
THIS?
THIS?
THIS? >>
THIS? >> I NEED TO.
>> GLAD YOU SAID THAT FIRST.
>> I NEED TO.
I NEED TO.
I DEFINITELY ALWAYS NOTICE THAT
OUR MOOD -- I THINK
WE HAVE A MARRIAGE MOOD IS ON
THE UP SWING WHEN I
AFFIRM MY HUSBAND.
LIKE, "YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THIS."
>> NOT A CONDESCENDING WAY.
>> IT'S SO EASY TO FOCUS ON
THIS.
THIS.
THIS. BUT
THIS. BUT IT'S LIKE ONE OF THE THINGS
THAT I REALLY ADD
TODAY, HOW CAN I TELL HIM THAT.
REPEAT THAT BEHAVIOR.
>> CRASH, YOU'RE NODDING.
>> I AGREE, BECAUSE I TRY TO
KEEP THE POSITIVE
MOVEMENT WHENEVER I'M TALKING
TO MY WIFE ABOUT
ANYTHING, BECAUSE HER SELF
ESTEEM GETS REALLY,
REALLY BEAT UP AT WORK.
BUT I ALSO FIND MYSELF DOING A
LOT OF WRONG BY HER
WHEN HAVE SAYS, "I CAN NEVER DO
ANYTHING RIGHT,"
ANYTHING RIGHT," BECAUSE I THROW THOSE FUN
LITTLE BARBS IN ABOUT
SOMETHING.
SOMETHING. LIKE LOADING THE DISHWASHER.
SO I HAVE WORK TO DO BY BEING A
LITTLE MORE
LITTLE MORE POSITIVE.
POSITIVE.
POSITIVE. >> JIM'S THE SAME WAY.
HE IS LIKE, "I REALIZED OVER
THE YEARS YOU'RE NOT MY
BUDDY IN THE SENSE OF" --
>> IT'S WHAT YOU PUT INTO IT IS
WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO
GET OUT OF IT.
IF YOU WANT MORE POSITIVE
CHANGES, WANT SOMEBODY TO
GIVE YOU POSITIVE FEED BACK,
YOU KIND OF HAVE TO
GIVE THAT TO THEM.
IF YOU START WITH THE NEGATIVE
AND CRITICAL AND ALL
THAT, YOU'RE GOING TO DAMPEN
THE AND THE
RELATIONSHIP IN THE HOUSE.
>> I'VE GOT TO SAY, WHEN I
FIRST READ THIS, I WAS
THINKING MORE ALONG THE LINES,
CRASH -- WHAT CRASH
SAID.
SAID.
SAID. NOT
SAID. NOT SO MUCH TO EACH OTHER, BUT
MORE IN GENERAL,
BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENED WITH US
IS WE BOTH REALIZED WE
WERE BEING NEGATIVE ABOUT WHAT
WAS HAPPENING
WAS HAPPENING THROUGHOUT THE DAY, AND JIM'S
LIKE, "I'M NOT LETTING
YOU EXPLAIN ANYMORE."
IT'S LIKE WHAT WILL WE TALK
ABOUT THEN.
ABOUT THEN. BUT IN TURN, OF COURSE, WE WANT
TO DO THAT.
BUT EVEN IN GENERAL.
CUT OUT THAT NEGATIVE TALK.
>> IF YOU DO, MAKE SURE YOU PUT
A TIME LIMIT ON IT
OR TIME FRAME.
BECAUSE YOU DO NEED TO BE ABLE
TO TALK TO YOUR
SPOUSE OR PARTNER.
>> YOU NEED A PLACE TO VENT AND
FEEL SAFE, BECAUSE
YOU PROBABLY HAVE BEEN HOLDING
THAT IN ALL DAY.
YOU NEED THAT PLACE.
BUT LET'S PUT A TIME LIMIT ON
IT, AND SAY, "AFTER
THESE FIRST FIVE MINUTES, WE'RE
DOING NOTHING
DOING NOTHING BOILOFFING EACH OTHER THE REST
OF THE NIGHT."
>> GET IT ALL OUT, AND IT'S ALL
GOOD.
GOOD.
GOOD. >>>
GOOD. >>> NUMBER TWO IS SHARE YOUR
LIVES TOGETHER IN THE
SPIRIT OF CELEBRATION.
RESEARCHERS FOUND THAT COUPLES
ARE HAPPIER WHEN THEY
SHARE THEIR LIVES WITH
ENTHUSIASM.
ENTHUSIASM. THAT SEEMS EASIER SAID THAN
DONE.
DONE.
DONE. THOSE WHO CELEBRATE WINS, THEY
EXPERIENCE GREATER
EXPERIENCE GREATER LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.
I REALLY THINK, NOT JUST THE
BIG THINGS.
BIG THINGS. ''ATLANTA AND COMPANY" HAS
NOMINATED ME FOR AN EMMY.
OR JIM HAD AN AMAZING YEAR WITH
THE SCHOOL.
THE SCHOOL. IT'S THE LITTLE WINS.
>> IT'S THE DAY-TO-DAY WINS.
I GOT TO WORK ON TIME TODAY.
>> HALLELUJAH.
>> HALLELUJAH. >> JUST CHECKING IN WITH HIM
ABOUT SMALL THINGS.
>> AND IT GOES BACK TO SELF
ESTEEM I WAS TALKING
ABOUT, BECAUSE A BIG PART OF MY
DAY AND MY WIFE'S
DAY AND EVERYBODY'S DAY, WHAT
WE DID EITHER AT THE
OFFICE, AT THE STATION, OR WHAT
NOT.
NOT.
NOT. SO
NOT. SO YEAH, IT'S THOSE LITTLE
ONES, IT'S THAT
POSITIVIVETY YOU HAVE TO KEEP
GOING.
GOING.
GOING. THOUGH I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT HER JOB AND WHAT
SHE DOES, WHEN SHE TELLS ME
WITHIN OF THE ENGINEERS
THAT MESSED UP LISTEN MORE TO
YOU, HONEY.
YOU, HONEY. YOU'VE GOT TO BUILD THAT UP.
>> ALSO, TOO, ABOUT BALANCE.
THERE ARE SOMETIMES WHEN I'VE
HAD A REALLY GREAT
DAY, AND MY PARTNER MIGHT HAVE
HAD A REALLY SUCKY
DAY.
DAY.
DAY. I
DAY. I DON'T WANT TO TAKE AWAY FROM
HIS CRAPPY DAY,
BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO
VENT, TO BE ABLE TO
TALK ABOUT IT.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> I DON'T WANT TO COME IN AND
SAY, "I'M SORRY THAT
HAPPENED, BUT GUESS WHAT
HAPPENED TODAY."
HAPPENED TODAY." >> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. >> I THINK THERE HAS TO BE SOME
BALANCE IN THAT.
DEFINITELY CELEBRATING EACH
OTHER, BEING HAPPY FOR
ONE ANOTHER, AND BEING PRESENT.
>> EMPATHY.
>> EMPATHY. IT'S EMPATHY.
IT'S EMPATHY. >>> AND I WANT TO TURN TO A
VIEWER.
VIEWER.
VIEWER. WE LOVE TO THAT, BECAUSE WE
LOVE WHEN YOU WEIGH IN.
PAMELA JOHNSON JUST GOT
MARRIED.
MARRIED.
MARRIED. >> YAY.
>> YAY.
>> YAY. >> AFTER 22 YEARS TOGETHER.
I LOVE THAT.
AND WE ASKED HER TO POSTSOME
THROW-BACK PICTURES.
THROW-BACK PICTURES. PAMELA, THANK YOU, FIRST OF
ALL, FOR BEING OUR
ATLANTA AND COMPANY FACEBOOK
FAN.
FAN.
FAN. >>
FAN. >> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE.
>> WE JUST ARE SO HAPPY FOR
YOU.
YOU.
YOU. WE
YOU. WE LOVE THAT IT WAS 22 YEARS
STRONG.
STRONG.
STRONG. CLEARLY PRACTICING WHAT WE'RE
PREACHING HERE.
PREACHING HERE. >>> OKAY.
>>> OKAY.
>>> OKAY. NUMBER THREE, I HAVE NO PROBLEM
WITH.
WITH.
WITH. SLEEPING MORE.
SLEEPING MORE. BELIEVE IT OR NOT RESEARCH
SHOWS THAT COUPLES WHO
REPORTED POOR SLEEP WERE MORE
LIKELY TO -- THIS
MAKES SENSE -- TO ARGUE WITH
THEIR SIGNIFICANT
THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.
OTHERS.
OTHERS. >> ABSOLUTELY.
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> IRRITABLE.
>> IRRITABLE. >> THE QUESTION IS IS LACK OF
SLEEP A GOOD EXCUSE?
I THINK, UNFORTUNATELY, YEAH.
YOU DON'T MEAN TO BE, BUT IF
YOU DON'T GET YOUR
REST, I THINK THAT PERMEATES
INTO EVERY --
>> I WOULD PUT SLEEP AND FOOD
IN THE SAME CATEGORY.
>> MY HUSBAND GETS HANGRY BIG
TIME.
TIME.
TIME. >>
TIME. >> TO YOU GET HANGRY?
>> I DON'T GET HANDRY.
MY WIFE BLAMES HE, BECAUSE I'M
FULL OF POSITIVE
ENERGY, AND SHE WANTS TO TAKE A
NAP, AND SHE'S LIKE,
"I GOT TO GET OUT OF THE
HOUSE."
HOUSE."
HOUSE." SLEEP IS HUGE.
>> WE HAVE TWO KIDS UNDER THE
AGE OF FIVE.
SLEEP IS LIKE HITTING THE MEGA
MILLIONS IN MY HOUSE.
I WILL SAY THAT I'M VERY, VERY
BLESSED, BECAUSE I
HAVE A PARTNER WHO WILL WAKE
ONE THE BABIES.
I AM NOT THAT PERSON.
I HAVE THE TO GO TO SLEEP.
SO I UNDERSTAND, LIKE, IF HE
DOESN'T SLEEP, IF HE
DOESN'T EAT, I WILL EXTEND HIM
SOME EXTRA GRACE,
EVERYONE IF HE SNAPS AT ME.
I'M LIKE, "ALL RIGHT.
HE GOT, LIKE, FOUR HOURS OF
SLEEP LAST NIGHT."
I TRY TO EXTEN THAT GRACE.
IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY.
BUT IT'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF HE HAD SLEPT FOR A FULL
EIGHT HOURS, HE PROBABLY
WOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT."
>> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. THIS NEXT ONE GOES BACK TO WHAT
DR. TIFFANIE WAS
SAYING, ABOUT DATING YOUR MATE,
AND THIS SAYS
REFLECT BACK TO HOW IT ALL GOT
STARTED.
STARTED.
STARTED. SO THIS PARTICULAR DOCTOR SAYS
IT'S EASY TO BURY
THOSE POSITIVE RECOLLECTIONS,
KIDS, CAREERS,
KIDS, CAREERS, SCHEDULES, BEING ON YOUR PHONE
TOO MUCH.
TOO MUCH.
TOO MUCH. THE KEY IS THAT QUALITY TIME
ABOUT REMINISCING, WHY
YOU CHOSE ONE ANOTHER IN THE
FIRST PLACE AS I'M
SAYING IT, IT SEEMS KIND OF
CHEESY.
CHEESY.
CHEESY. LIKE, REMEMBER BACK WHEN.
>> IT IS.
>> IT IS.
>> IT IS. >> BUT HOW OFTEN DO WE TRULY
AND LITERALLY DO THAT.
HOW OFTEN DO WE SIT DOWN AND
SAY, "REMEMBER WHEN YOU
TOOK ME TO THE CHEESECAKE
FACTORY BACK IN 1995 WHEN
I WAS LIKE" --
>> IT'S LIKE, "LET'S GO GET
SOME CHEESECAKE."
SOME CHEESECAKE." >> IT ALL GOES BACK TO THAT.
>> BUT IT'S LIKE THINK OF THOSE
TIMES -- LIKE MAKE
IT GENUINE.
IT GENUINE. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE -- IT
IS CUTE IF YOU CAN
THINK OF A REASON TO GO.
THIS REMIND ME OF THE WAY YOU
WORE YOUR HAIR WHEN WE
STARTED DATING.
STARTED DATING. >> THIS IS A GREAT IDEA FOR ME
THAT I'M GOING TO
TAKE HOME WITH ME PERSONALLY.
BECAUSE COMPLACENCY IS A
KILLER.
KILLER.
KILLER. IN ANY RELATIONSHIP, ESPECIALLY
IN A MARRIAGE WHEN
YOU START ADDING UP THE YEARS.
AND I THINK MY WIFE AND I HAVE
ACTUALLY FALLEN A
LITTLE BIT INTO THAT RUT.
I'M GOING TO TAKE A NOTE HERE
AND MAKE A LITTLE
CHANGE.
CHANGE.
CHANGE. THANK YOU, "ATLANTA AND
COMPANY."
COMPANY."
COMPANY." >> COME BACK TOMORROW, BECAUSE
WE WANT TO KNOW HOW
THIS ENDED UP.
>> ENDED UP.
>> IF IT WAS A SUCCESSFUL
NIGHT.
NIGHT.
NIGHT. >>
NIGHT. >> YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW THE
PANTRY WENT.
PANTRY WENT. >>> AND SPEAKING OF THE PANTRY,
IS THIS OUR FINAL
ONE?
ONE?
ONE? YES
ONE? YES IT IS.
CHILDREN, EAR MUFFS, AIM FOR
QUICKIES, NOT
QUICKIES, NOT MARATHONS.
MARATHONS. I DIDN'T WRITE THIS.
I'M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT THE
EXPERTS SAY.
EXPERTS SAY. AS OUR SCHEDULES BECOME MORE
HECTIC, IT IS DIFFICULT
TO FIND AND TO RECEIVE.
I PUT THIS ON REAL TALK BEFORE.
YOU HAVE TO FIND THOSE FOCUSED
MOMENTS.
MOMENTS.
MOMENTS. SO MAYBE IF YOU GET IT BUILT UP
TOO MUCH THAT YOU'RE
GOING TO GET THE SEXY LINGERIE
FROM YOUR HONEYMOON,
ALL THAT.
ALL THAT.
ALL THAT. IT MAY NOT HAPPEN.
JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN WHEN --
>> IT MAY NOT FIT.
IT WAS 12 YEARS AGO.
REMEMBER THAT.
REMEMBER THAT. >> YOU GET IT IN WHERE YOU CAN.
WE HAVE TWO KIDS UNDER THE AGE
OF FIVE.
OF FIVE.
OF FIVE. SO IT'S LIKE WE DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THIS LONG.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> AND HONESTLY, IT'S, LIKE,,
"I DON'T HAVE 45
MINUTES."
MINUTES."
MINUTES." REASONABLE, YOU'VE GOT 10
MINUTES.
MINUTES.
MINUTES. LET'S GO.
LET'S GO.
LET'S GO. >> LET'S DO THIS THING.
>>> CRASH, I KNOW YOU'RE
GETTING A LITTLE RED FACED.
>> THE WHEELS ARE SPINNING.
I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE WRONG
THING ON TV.
WE'RE 14 YEARS INTO A MARRIAGE,
NO KIDS.
NO KIDS.
NO KIDS. YOU WOULD THINK WE WOULDN'T
HAVE THOSE DISTRACTIONS,
BUT MY WIFE'S JUST KIND OF
LIKE, "HEY, MAYBE SLOW
AND STEADY WINS THE RACE, BUT
RIGHT NOW, COME ON.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE.
I DON'T WANT TO SPEND MORE THAN
20 MINUTES IN THIS."
>> CAN I SAY ONE THING?
REAL QUICK STATISTIC.
THE AVERAGE MARRIED COUPLE IS
HAVING SEX ABOUT SEVEN
MINUTES LONG.
MINUTES LONG. THAT TAKES ABOUT 7 MINUTES.
THAT'S AVERAGE.
THAT'S AVERAGE. IN MY BOOK -- YES YOU DID.
IN MY BOOK THAT IS WHAT IS A
QUICKIE.
QUICKIE.
QUICKIE. THINK WE CAN SPRINKLE THOSE
OUT.
OUT.
OUT. BUT
OUT. BUT SOMETIMES WE DO NEED TO RUN
A MARATHON OR AT
LEAST A 10K.
>> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. >> LET'S DO IT.
>> I'M NOT SAYING EVER TIME.
>> I'M JUST SAYING SOMETIMES
IT'S GOING TO TAKE TIME
TO WARM THIS CAR UP.
>> OKAY.
>> OKAY.
>> OKAY. >> AGAIN THAT IS DR. TIFFANIE
COUNTERING THE
COUNTERING THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S POINT NUMBER
FIVE.
FIVE.
FIVE. JUST KIDDING.
JUST KIDDING. >> THERE'S --
>> .
>> .
>> . >>
>> . >> THERE'S THE MARATHON YOU
TALK ABOUT.
TALK ABOUT. THEN THERE'S THE CHILLY SLOGAN,
GET IN, GET OUT, AND
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.