Mark: Hi, this is Mark from Make Him Yours and today, I'm sharing the secrets with you
about how men fall in love and how you can get the guy you want to fall in love with
you and commit for a lifetime. And it was such an important video and important content
that so many clients get this wrong that I had to bring in two other incredible experts
to chat about this with me. I've got Dr. Antonio Borrello all the way from Detroit coming into
our Chicago studio to chat here as well. He's an incredible psychologist. I love his content.
15 years one-on-one and Jason Silver from Attract Great Guys. He's working for match.com
hired him, coaches hired him, all these work, the CEO of a matchmaking agency in Los Angeles.
I brought these fellows in because who better to explain how men fall in love and how you
can make it happen for you. They're not just two have the most intelligent end, if I'm
honest, genuine, like actually genuine guys that I know as well as two fantastic coaches
in their own right. So what we're going to share with you today is...
Jason: Keep going doing about
what you were saying about now.
Mark: How do men fall in love and how do you make it happen
for you, Jason, your take.
Jason: Well how men fall in love. To me it's a bit of an abstract concept. Love, right?
It could mean different things to different people. Uh, but at the end of the day, I think
that before you can even start working to build that together, you have to know what
does that mean to you? What does love mean to you? And so I have a, a bit of uh, uh,
an exercise that I asked my clients to go through. It's like the 90 year old test. When
you're 90 years old, imagine who is the partner that you want with you? What are they like
and imagine your life with them. What are some of the most amazing things that you've
done together? How, how can you really imagine that relationship going if, if your deepest
dreams were fulfilled? And, uh, that should give you a pretty good indicator of number
one, the type of man you want to be with and where you want to go. And so that is kind
of a roadmap of how you both can develop that intimacy.
Mark: Nice. And, and filter in towards the right person.
Jason: Of course. That's super important.
Mark: Yeah. Antonio, your thoughts.
Antonio: So I think that men fall in love when they fall in love with the experiences
that they're having with the person. I mean, it obviously starts with attraction. You're
attracted to someone, you start having interactions with that woman and you know, all of it is
positive. And you know, you go on a date and you have an amazing time with that person
and she's rocking your world like no one else has ever done. You're having this amazing
time. And so when the, when the man leaves there, he wants to experience that again and
he wants it again. There's this dopamine that, that when we're having this amazing experience
where, you know, our body's being flooded with dopamine, and so that creates this addictive
quality that you know I want to see this person again. And so we want this again. And so we
have this experience. And, and, and so then what happens is because they want that, they're
investing, they're working to make that happen again. If I have to drive 30 miles to go pick
her up, I'm going to do that because I want that. And so as they're investing, they're
experiencing this, this, this high, there's dopamine excitement and it's a cycle that
keeps repeating it. And every time that they're, you know, as we work on something, as we work
towards something, the harder we work, the more we invest, the more we appreciate that
as a result. So we want that, we value that. So I think that though, that's, you know,
obviously there needs to be an attraction, but the experience has to be like this amazing,
wonderful, fun time. And then it, you know, just goes from there. I want to do it again.
I want to do it again.
Mark: Exactly. And lots of women come to me, they say, how do I form this deep emotional
bond? And that is the next step of how men fall in love is, is we enter that phase of
vulnerability and deep acceptance and where we're wanting your appreciation and your affection.
But a lot of clients who come to me, and I don't know if you guys agree, they put the
cart before the horse, they want to do all the emotional bonding first before the guy
has the motivation. And what Antonio is talking about is all right, he's having these great
experiences. Even if you want a 90 year marriage, John Gottman's research, five to one positive
to negative experiences. And it especially starts in your dating. He's having these positive
experiences over and over again. You take your own natural space in your own authenticity
to see your friends go to the gym. So he gets some space with that and he gets this kind
of ride. He has this amazing experience and then, Oh, I miss her. Or another guy might
snap her up and then amazing again. And then that gives him the motivation and then he
feels safer to go into those deep bonds. And I don't know about you guys when you, you
know, we all have parts of ourselves we're not proud of and that we know that, you know,
we don't like as much or that we are trying better to own and when you can have these
amazing experiences and then reveal those parts of yourself to a woman, be vulnerable
and not only have her accept them but have her appreciate them. She's now so bonded to
us through a deep oxytocin bond and a vasopressin bond that that's the kind of woman we want
to commit to and fall in love with.
Antonio: Sure. And I agree with you about the cart before the horse. I think that sometimes
what happens is you know it while the man is having these, this great experience. Then
you know, in the in the woman says, "Okay, I like him. I think he's a good guy." And
they start thinking about commitment. They start thinking about, "Okay, I want this guy.
I want this man to commit to me." And when, when that topic comes up, when it's too soon,
the positive experiences he's having are mixed in with these negative experiences like you're
asking him for something and so he's starting to feel pressure a little bit.
Mark: Yeah. You started with the way everyone's in the moment and then she's going, Oh, now
I have to make this thing happen. He's like, I just want to have my present time to bond
with you, have this great experience and then fall naturally in love with you as opposed
to now fitting into what used to be a presence. Now why is this agenda and put on it?
Jason: I also, I want to add something to what Dr. Antonio said, which was really, really
important. Basically they're, first of all, you're talking about feeling good and feeling
that dopamine with your partner, so a man that feels really good when he's with someone
now. That's great, and we talked about this before. What's important is as long as you're
focusing on what those motives are. Is he feeling good because you're sleeping with
him or is he feeling good because you're working together towards that deeper vision, that
longer term vision? Because if, if you're feeling good cause you're working towards
that, then it's, it's you're moving in the right direction. So that was just the first
thing I wanted to say just to add on top of that. And the only other thing about, uh,
I thought this was brilliant about women investing too much in trying to bond before attraction.
Yeah. It's like literally meeting someone and saying, "Hey, I'm not really that into
you and you sitting there and upset with me because I'm not spending Friday through Tuesday
with you." "What? I haven't even told you I want to spend Friday and Tuesday with you
and you're already negotiating how many days that we're going to spend together." It seems
a little bit like putting the cart before the horse. Yeah.
Mark: And so how do we do this? What's your number one tip? If a woman wants to build
this exciting experience in, how can she do it?
Antonio: Uh, two things I think that, you know, you know, obviously is, is having authentic
experiences with the person that you're on a date with. And you can do that if you're
looking at that person. Um, and not, not thinking about it except for thinking that this is
my best friend or you want this person to be your best friend because ultimately if
they're your partner in the end, that's who they're going to be. So if you think of them
as a best friend, you're going to laugh with him that way. You're going to enjoy the experiences,
you're going to have shared experiences and so it's going to be a fun time. So when, when
you're, when you're having these amazing experiences with your best friend, he's going to leave
there feeling like, "Wow, I just had the best date with this person like it was so fluid.
It was so natural. I, it was a great time." He wants to do it again. And so when a man
wants to do something, he wants to, he wants to ask you on another date, he wants to invest
in you. He wants to put his, let him do that. If he's offering to come and pick you up,
let him pick you up. Don't go to him. Don't make it easy for him. The more you make someone
work for something, they're going to appreciate it more. So I think that that's, that's one
thing that a lot of women do is like when they feel that, okay, this guy is liking me.
And so they've already had this bonding experience with them. And so all of a sudden now, they're
you know, very open and transparent and letting him know how much they care about him, how
much I like him, I want you in all of this and then all of a sudden the guy doesn't have
to work anymore. And so that's gonna have like a negative effect. And the second thing
is when they start complaining, like, you know, "I want this commitment. I want this
person, you know, you need to commit to me." So you're starting to add in some negative
experiences. Not always this positive, this fun time where you know, he, he's just thinking
like, you know, every, every thought that he's had, every experience he's had with every
memory is like amazing. Like no one else has ever been. And so if you're able to do that,
keep things light and fun and easy and make him work, it's going to always have a positive
effect I feel.
Mark: Yeah. And of course it's not about being this way all the time. You know, it's not
at all about saying be someone you're not simply about getting into your own confidence
and saying, "All right, well if I want a relationship built on five to one, am I building that in
my dating?" Cause of course there's going to be negative experiences too. But you want
to look at the ratio. And the big thing I say to women about bonding, cause he's got
this motivation now he's having a great time with you. A lot of women are very focused
on, how do I get him to open up, so he will bond to me? Like how do I really get him to,
to open?" And I say, "Look, stop trying to get him to do something. Okay. So that alone
has an agenda to it. Now you can be open with him and you can just do that in your own energy
and then let his openness come to you. A man has to feel if he's, once he's into this oxytocin,
oxytocin bonding, he really has to feel a sense of safety and he has to feel like it's
not forced. So you can certainly lead by example, but don't, don't try to force it if he's not
willing, continue in the creating positive experiences with him until he is, let him
come to you and decide when he wants that vulnerability. If he just never does it, cool.
Maybe he doesn't meet your standards or maybe he's not emotionally available. You might
have to filter him out, but don't force the vulnerability. Let him do it on his terms.
Jason: Yeah, I mean I think really what you guys are talking about, which is why I watch
your channels, by the way, it's way cooler seeing them in person. They're just really
fun. But, um, I think what you guys are really, really saying, or at least what I'm hearing
is that you really have to be your authentic self and create fun experiences and great
experiences. And if they're not fun and great experiences instead of shaming or blaming
yourself and saying, "I'm not good enough," maybe it just wasn't a good fit, right? But
if it is a good fit, you'll feel those experiences and you'll be working towards that are towards
that point. And to your point Mark, that if it's, if you're continuing even in a relationship
to be your true self, to follow your own personal goals and dreams, not allow yourself to veer
off your course, to be codependent to a man, but really empowering yourself. And to your
point, that might mean that you're not with your man 24/7, you're doing your own things
and, and that's attractive. That's, that's really attractive.
Mark: So attractive and that over and over again is going to give him the space to come
to you, to be vulnerable with you, to form that deep bond and love for life. Fellows,
thank you for coming in. It's been a treat. What a treat Antonio Borrello, Jason Silver,
check out these guys' channels. Ask Dr. Antonio. His channel is going crazy he's giving just
meeting the man has given me a new sense for his realness, his authenticity, he's a beautiful
soul and make sure you check out his channel. His advice is golden as I say, 15 year PhD
psychologist and Jason over here, incredible channel as well. Make sure you check it out.
His, his advice is real, it's authentic, it's coming from his heart. You got to check it
out. The link is in the description and we'll put something on the screen as well. Hey,
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the video, so let us know in the comments below. I think
the fellows will come in and answer a couple of comments too. So who have you got a question
for? Put it in the space below. Love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Hit the big like
button with the subscribe button as well and the little bell and more importantly, get
over to their channels and subscribe to their channels.
Jason: Forget my channel. Subscribe to Make Him Yours. If you want to know how to attract
men and attract, great guys like Mark and Antonio, check out, Make Him Yours and check
out Dr. Antonio.
Speaker 1: These guys are amazing. Check them out. Thanks for coming in fellows. We will
see you in the next video.
Speaker 2: Punch it out. Punch it out. Punch it out. Okay, he's rolling. I have Antonio
Borello from make him yours. Shit, what is that Ron? We're live. I'm nervous. I have
Mark Rosenburg Rosenfeld phone. No one knows who I am or where I'm from. John's robbery
today. Jonathan Rosenberg from London. Dr Antonio Borello from doctor dr Antonio Lark
from him as dr [inaudible] with ask gay guys. Okay. Alright. I love editing. It's the best
thing ever. Don't do the gay guys attract gay guys. The most exciting times is just
like cut of you saying gay guys like over and over again. Thank you for not laughing
Maddy. Thank you. Appreciate you man. First I want to hug this guy like I love this guy.
Feel so like this is like a love Fest of coaches. He, okay, go ahead. Sorry. You're like, I
want to hug you now. We're going to have like another video of us appreciating each other
now. Yeah. It's funny cause you asked me this question. [inaudible] amazing. Oh, it takes,
Speaker 1: that was golden. Cool. Cool. Yeah, I thought that was good. Golden, golden. Golden
soul. Real.
Speaker 3: It's like a [inaudible].