Narcissists love to accuse you of things falsely,
that is their MO.
So, stay tuned.
Hey, there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, I’m a narcissist negotiation expert and
on this channel, and in these videos,
I teach you how to deal with the drama, trauma and chaos
of narcissists and most importantly,
how to get out of these relationships with narcissists.
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So, what do narcissists love to do?
They love to accuse you of things falsely.
Why do they love to accuse you of things falsely?
Because they love to trigger you,
they love to get under your skin,
but let's take that a step even further.
So, what has been going on in your relationship?
So, first of all, you have probably been supplying them,
you've been giving them narcissistic supply.
It started off where they love bombed you,
they love bombed you,
they came on super strong, or impossible to resist,
they were charming, they were charismatic,
they seemed perfect at the beginning, am I right?
Now you thought that they were amazing,
you thought they were wonderful,
maybe you thought they'd even loved you,
maybe you thought that they were perfect,
all of these things.
Now, it was all a manipulation,
I'm sorry to have to tell you this,
it was all a manipulation,
it was all meant to get this form of supply from you.
Now, I have to tell you,
there are a couple of different kinds of supply,
what you've probably been giving them is like,
the best form of supply and
the best forms of supply for them are,
adulation, service, making them look good,
really, really stroking their ego at the top level.
There's these different phases of a narcissistic relationship,
there's the love-bombing, then, you go into the devaluing and
then, there's the discarding and
I have videos, by the way,
on all the different phases of a narcissistic relationship:
The love-bombing, the devaluing, and the discarding,
definitely check out my videos
on all of those phases of a narcissistic relationship
if you haven't checked those out.
When you go to leave a narcissistic relationship,
whether it's you leaving, or them leaving,
that's when you go into that discard phase,
that's when you see that smear campaign start,
that's the birth of the smear campaign.
By the way, it can start even before you even realize
that the discard phase has started.
I have a video on how to shut down the narcissists’ smear campaign,
you can check that out too.
But, what's happening is during this discard phase
is that you've become public enemy number one and
you're no longer giving them the best form of supply.
So now, they're going to want to continue to get supply from you,
but they're just going to take it in the lower form of supply,
which is making you miserable, making you squirm,
showing them they still have control over you in some way.
So, how are they going to do that?
They're going to make these false allegations and
they're going to start either through the court system,
which is what I've seen as an attorney,
by the way, over, and over, and over again;
I mean, they file this stuff, either through the pleadings,
so you'll see it in the divorce pleadings,
they will actually say these things in the divorce petition.
They'll say, “Father was a molester”,
I mean, I've seen that,
horrible, horrible things like that,
or a wife beater, or a child beater,
or they will say the worst possible things you can imagine,
where you think, “Oh my gosh, I never even touched them”,
the worst possible things,
or they will just even say things like,
“They didn't pay child support”,
“They withheld money”, things like that,
or “They spent lots of money”,
“They spent lots of money on the people”,
lies about things like that.
You will see those kinds of things
in actual documents that are filed with the court,
I think it's important that we walk through
the types of false allegations you will see,
then, other types of false allegations you will see as well are,
people will see in the actual letters
that go back and forth between the attorneys.
They’ll tell their attorney they didn't feed the children,
that the children ate candy all weekend long,
or nothing all weekend long, or pizza,
or junk food the entire time they were with the dad, or the mom,
or that the whole time they were with the dad, or the mom,
they were with a babysitter, or nobody,
all kinds of things.
I mean, those types of false allegations or false accusations,
when you're dealing with narcissists,
are really endless.
I mean, completely infinite and honestly, the funny thing is,
they will contradict themselves over and over again.
That's the thing that's really interesting and
also very, very helpful for you,
because this is where you can start building your leverage.
This is where my S.LA.Y methodology will help you,
strategy, leverage, anticipate where they're going to go,
be two steps ahead of them and
focus on you, your case, your position,
that's what the S.L.A.Y methodology is and
it will very much help you because they are liars and
you know what judges hate more than anything,
They hate liars.
And narcissists are lazy, they're also very, very lazy,
they also ignore court orders and
judges hate lazy liars who ignore court orders and
narcissists are all of those things.
I'll tell you that, at the end of the day,
If you are just diligent in keeping track of these things,
you really will be able to catch them and
so the thing that you have to remember is
to just keep your wits about you and
remember who you're dealing with and
don’t allowed them to get the best of you,
understand who it is that you're dealing with and
every time they do one of those things that they do,
just say, “Thank you very much, you just gave me something else”.
Understand what it is that you're building,
you have to play a little bit of the long game.
I'm gonna give you 6 ways to deal with the narcissists’ false allegations,
but just understand that yes, they do this,
yes, they're trying to trigger you,
yes, they're trying to get you to look like the crazy one,
that's why they do it.
They want you to be triggered,
number one, because they get supply from it,
number two, they want you to look like the crazy one.
So, when you get sucked into that mud and you react,
they go, “Oh, look, you're the crazy one” and
you took that bait, hook, line, and sinker,
they use your reaction against you and there you go.
Don't get sucked into it.
So, that's number two and then number three,
as long as you are giving them that supply,
as long as they catch that fish,
they’ll never leave you alone because you are giving them supply.
You don't want to go into it because of that as well.
All right, six ways to deal with the narcissists’ false allegations.
number one,
you can respond, do not react,
do not react and I
I know you know that’s where I was going,
it's like they got the fish.
Do not give them that,
unles you want to be that fish that they reeled in,
don't be that for them.
You can respond, do not react, just picture yourself,
you're that fish that they've reeled in.
Don't be that.
So, that's one way to deal with a narcissist false
allegations number to make sure to document document document and
In my S.L.A.Y program,
I have a 12 areas that you should be documenting,
I have a whole chart on that and
I have a whole module on this,
but make sure that you are being very, very diligent
on how you are documenting and do it in real time.
Please, do yourself a favor and do it in real time,
it is so hard to go back and try to recreate,
What was that? What day was that?
And they do give you so much material, they really do.
I remember a case one time where,
the wife threw her 14 years old son out of the house.
It was 4:00 in the morning, she just had a big fight with the son,
it's like in the middle of December, it's so cold out,
this husband had to go pick up the son and
she sends the husband an email saying,
“It's probably better if we take some time apart from each other”,
you should call the school bus service and
have the bus start picking him up at your house for now and
then, the next thing you know,
the lawyer gets a motion saying that the husband
has been withholding their son from the wife and
all of this stuff, when there's an email out there that says,
“You should call the bus service”,
I mean, it's like mind-blowing,
but these are the kinds of things that they do.
That's why you document, document, document,
you keep it in a file you just have all this stuff,
you have it ready to go,
so you don't have to go back,
you don't have to go look for all this stuff,
“What day was that…?”
You know what I'm saying?
Keep track of it in real time.
I have a whole other video, by the way,
on how to keep your cool against narcissists,
definitely check that out too.
Start looking at it as if you're a third party,
try to start looking at it as if you're an observer,
I have a video where I was interviewing Judge Lynn Toler,
from Televisions’ divorce court,
she talked about that too,
where you just start looking at it,
as if you're looking at something happening.
Oh, “I see that you're upset”,
“Oh, I see that you are unhappy about something,
you want to tell me more about that?”
Because you have to understand that
these are people who are just deeply unhappy and
that that's what you're dealing with.
So,don't be surprised when they act like themselves,
be surprised if they act normal.
So, that's number three way to deal with a narcissist’s false allegations.
They're going to try to guilt you into things a lot of times,
that's another way they try to suck you in to this thing.
One way of course, is they try to trigger you,
by getting you angry or saying things,
but another way is they try to guilt you into it.
“Oh, I thought maybe you might want to take care of your family”,
“I thought that you were a better mother than that, but I guess not”,
something like that, don't go for the guilt thing either,
become like Teflon, stand in your power,
you know what's right.
Remember, keep your focus on what you know to be fair,
what you know to be what's right,
what you know to be what's equitable,
don't allow their manipulation to get inside your head anymore,
because a lot of times the voices inside your head,
especially if you've been with this person for a long time,
are their voices, not your voices and
not the voices of what's reality,
or what's your own voice and
that's why you've got to create these boundaries and
you've got to start staying away from them and
keeping your interactions as brief and unemotional as possible.
Just not allowing them to penetrate your space,
so, don't allow them to penetrate.
So, that's number four.
Again, this is your way of not allowing yourself
to be attacked from 50 different directions.
So, you're going to use one method for communication and
it really should be just email or an app.
If you have children, you can use an app.
Again, they may try to goad you, or they may try to say,
“Oh, why do you have to be so rigid?
We can talk in different directions”,
“How come we can't just meet somewhere?” or whatever,
especially because they're going to try to push the boundaries,
push the different directions.
Just don't do that, don't engage,
just say, “No, we're going to use one way and it's going to be email”.
If you have kids an app is great and I do recommend,
especially having it turned into a court order,
because that way if they don't use the app,
you can file a motion for contempt or whatever,
because they're going to push the envelope and
you need to start to heal and
you need to start having time away,
because that's when you'll be able to move away from this whole situation.
That's the fifth way you get to deal with a narcissist’s false allegations,
one method for communication that can be tracked.
I mean, I had a client one time
who did the exchange with the child and
then, after they did the exchange with the child,
the husband wrote in the app,
“Thanks for agreeing to switch weekends next weekend,.
I really appreciate that”,
that conversation never even took place,
I mean it was wild stuff, but that's what they do,
that wasn't a false allegation, it was just a false conversation,
but that's what they do.
It's like a wild odyssey when it comes to dealing with narcissists,
So, really try not to be alone with the narcissist,
you can do your exchanges in front of other people, if possible,
I recommend parallel parenting plans when you're dealing with narcissists,
meaning you just try to have as little interaction as possible.
Do your exchanges at schools,
drop off in the morning, pick up an afternoon,
just try not to ever have to see each other.
Do all of your interactions through the app,
I mean, as far as the communication goes,
those are 6 ways you can deal with a narcissist’s false allegations.
Basically, you're just trying to make sure that
there's always a way you can prove things and
there are always ways you can beat narcissist in court,
it's actually very easy to beat narcissists in court.
I can help you do it, I know how to win.
I know how to fight back against narcissists in court.
You can start with my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
at winmynegotiation.com.
Join my free private Facebook group,
at “Narcissist negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Make sure you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
Remember, they only win if you gave in,
you can definitely beat them.
Today's a great day to start negotiating your best life,
You can do this!
Thanks so much for joining me today.
I’ll definitely see you in the next episode of negotiate your best life.