>> NOW LABOR DAY WEEKEND IS OVER
WHICH MARKS THE UNOFFICIAL END OF SUMMER.
SEASONSK WEEKSK DAYS, ALL BUT THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH GOING
ON IN THE NEWS IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD
TROUBLE KEEPING UP WITH IT ALL.
SO, IN CASE YOU MISSED A SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENED IN THE
SUMMER OF 2020, LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU REAL QUICK.
TRUMP SPREAD LIES ABOUT VOTE BY MAIL, AUNT BECKY'S GOING
STRAIGHT TO JAIL, ORLANDO AND KATY HAD A BABY, THE NEXT
PRESIDENT COULD BE KANYE, MAYBE?
TWITTER WAS HACKED IN A BITCOIN SCAM, THE N.B.A. BUBBLE HAD
VIRTUAL FANS, HARRY AND MEGHAN MOVED TO L.A., TIKTOK MAY STILL
GO AWAY, THE F.B.I. RAIDED JAKE, EVERYTHING WAS MADE OF CAKE,
MORE WILDFIRES AND HURRICANES AND STILL NO LAWS FOR CLIMATE
CHANGE?
THIS SUMMER'S BEEN LONG, I BARELY REMEMBER-- WAIT, HOW THE
HELL IS IT ONLY SEPTEMBER?
DRIVE-IN MOVIES BECAME EVENTS, "BILL AND TED" WAS “EXCELLENT!”
"TENET" FINALLY GRACED THE SCREEN, THE NEW BATMAN'S AN EMO
TEEN, JAMES BOND DELAYED ¡TIL WHO KNOWS WHEN, YOU CAN ALWAYS
JUST RENT "TROLLS" AGAIN, "MULAN" FILLED OUT THE DISNEY
ROSTER, NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT THE OSCARS, “I MAY DESTROY YOU” WAS
A REVELATION, LOVECRAFT COUNTRY'S A HORROR VACATION,
SEEMA AUNTIE ARRANGED A MARRIAGE, AND I HOSTED THIS SHOW
FROM INSIDE MY GARAGE!
BEYONCÉ WAS A LION QUEEN, KIDS WENT CRAZY FOR “JOLENE,” TAYLOR
TAUGHT US ALL FOLKLORE, PARENTS LEARNED WHAT WAP STANDS FOR,
LADY GAGA VMA'D, VERZUZ BATTLES WENT ON FOR DAYS, DYNAMITE FLEW
OFF THE SHELVES, DIXIE CHICKS RENAMED THEMSELVES, BLACKPINK
AND SELENA MADE AN ICY MESS, BILLIE AND FINNEAS PLAYED A TINY
DESK, CHAINSMOKERS WENT LIVE, I WAS LIKE “WHY?”
THE CHARTS WERE ALL STYLES, GOING--
♪ WATERMELON SUGAR HIGH ♪ GUILFOYLE'S SHOUTING CAUSED
INNER EAR PAIN, HER BOYFRIEND DON JUNIOR WAS HASHTAG COCAINE,
THE GUN COUPLE SAID THAT THEY'RE NOT SORRY, A CHEF FROM RHODE
ISLAND HELD CALAMARI, JOE BIDEN PICKED KAMALA AS HIS V.P., TRUMP
COUNTERED WITH “PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, CAMERA, TV,” HE STRUGGLED
WITH RAMPS AND TAKING A DRINK, A PARADE OF HIS BOATS ALL STARTED
TO SINK, MELANIA RE-DID THE ROSE GARDEN, ROGER STONE GOT OFF ON A
PARDON, ANTHONY FAUCI DISAPPEARED, THE KIM JONG UN
THING'S SUPER WEIRD, McCONNELL SKIPPED TOWN, KELLYANNE STEPPED
DOWN, BANNON WAS ARRESTED, CROWDS WENT UNTESTED, THE
MILWAUKEE BUCKS WENT ON STRIKE, ATHLETES FROM ALL OVER BEGAN TO
UNITE, WHEN IT FELT LIKE THE NEWS COULDN'T GET ANY SADDER,
PEOPLE STOOD UP AND SAID BLACK LIVES MATTER, SO IF YOU CARE
ABOUT THIS COUNTRY AT ALL, PLEASE DO YOUR PART AND VOTE IN
THE FALL!