- I been watching that new OJ show.
I can't get enough of that shit.
Doesn't it bring back good memories?
I forgot just how polarizing that OJ case was.
And, you know, I've met OJ Simpson
on four different occasions in my life.
And before the end of the show,
I will tell you about each of those occasions.
The first time I met OJ Simpson, I was in Santa Monica.
- [Man In Audience] Santa Monica!
Yeah.
I can't believe a black dude was like, Santa Monica!
(audience laughing)
He was the last nigga I was expecting to say that.
Let me see your shoes.
You got some Vans on, nigga?
What you got?
(audience laughing)
Santa Monica!
At the time, I was 18.
I had done a show and then a guy from the club came up
and was like, hey, OJ Simpson's here
and he said he wants to meet you.
I said, what?
Fuck yeah.
I ran down the steps.
And OJ was down there, was like, "Hey, yo, man, how are you?
"It's very good to meet you.
"And you're doing really good work,
"and I hope good things happen for you in your life."
I was like, "Man, thanks, Mr. Juice."
(audience laughing)
Standing beside him.
I don't know the nice way to say this.
His soon-to-be-slain wife.
(audience laughing)
Ladies and gentlemen, man the fuck up,
or you're not gonna make it through the end of this show.
Just man the fuck up.
(audience laughing)
She's dead.
You already know.
We know what happened.
We don't know who did it,
but we know what happened.
I should tell you that woman was very nice to me.
She actually embraced me.
She said, "I think you're adorable,"
and she hugged me.
She goes, "Good luck to you,"
and she held me for a long time,
and I whispered in her ear,
"Bitch, are you trying to get us both killed?"
(audience laughing)
I'm just kidding, I didn't say that, but.
That was the first time in a nutshell.
The second time I met OJ Simpson.
(audience cheering)
Was right after the trial of the century.
There I was, now a young man of probably 23.
OJ Simpson was the most famous
or infamous face on planet Earth.
I was in a restaurant in Beverly Hills with my agents.
I wasn't alone in the restaurant,
but I was alone.
I was the only black person in the restaurant.
And in the 90s, that felt very uncomfortable.
Now I tend to enjoy it at this age.
(audience laughing)
I was having dinner with my agent,
celebrating a deal that they told me was lucrative
but I later learned fucking sucked.
And suddenly, a group of women walked by.
Every race was in that group.
Black, white, Asian, Latina, white, white, and white again.
They were all gorgeous.
I watched them walk by.
Then I saw a familiar face.
Al Cowens, the man from the infamous Bronco chase,
walked by and embraced one of the women
and they walked towards the door.
Couldn't believe what I saw.
And then close behind him was OJ Simpson,
newly released from jail.
The restaurant fell still.
I was shocked.
I didn't mean to say it out loud,
but it just came out.
(gasping) "OJ!"
He stopped, turned around to see who said it,
saw my black face and correctly assumed it was me.
(audience laughing)
I was sitting in the corner of the booth.
He leaned over all the white people I was having dinner with
and shook my hand.
"How are you, young man?"
He looked in my eyes and I could see in his eyes
that he didn't remember meeting me the first time.
(audience laughing)
And then he walked away.
And I looked back at my agents
and all of them had nothing short of disgust on their faces.
And the only one with the courage to voice their disgust
was a woman named Sharon who used to represent me.
"How could you?" She said.
"How could you shake hands with that murderer?"
I said, "Sharon, with all due respect,
"that murderer ran for over 11,000 yards."
(audience laughing)
And he was acquitted, so, you know, fuck it.
Glove didn't fit.
Get over yourself.
The third time I met OJ Simpson.
(audience cheering)
Third time I met OJ Simpson, I was doing great in life.
I just finished the second season of Chappelle's Show.
(audience cheering)
Man, those were good days.
I was playing a comedy club in Miami, The Improv.
I don't know if you've ever been,
but if you have, you'd know
the door for the greenroom is right on the stage.
Can you imagine such a thing?
If I walked out of the door of the greenroom, bam,
I'm just right here, right from the dressing room.
And I did that.
I walked out and the whole crowd was like, hooray!
And I looked, ma'am, as close as you are to me,
I saw him as soon as I came out, The Juice.
And I saw recognition in his eyes
and it filled me with pride that he knew who I was.
I didn't acknowledge his presence
because it was a white audience,
and I didn't wanna start a panic.
(audience laughing)
But I did my show.
Show went great.
I said, "Goodnight, everyone."
They all said yay!
And I didn't say nothing to OJ,
but I just gave him the signal
to let him know I knew he was there.
(audience laughing)
And I walked into the greenroom,
and OJ was already in there!
(audience laughing)
I was like, how the fuck is this possible?
I was scared.
And then my friends came in
and we all started talking.
We sat there on the couch.
And I'm just telling you what I saw with my own eyes.
You can believe me or not believe me,
but in my experience, OJ Simpson,
one of the nicest men I'd ever met.
He was nice to met, was nice to my friends,
conversation was filled with warmth and levity, humor.
And wisdom.
We talked for 90 minutes,
and then suddenly The Juice said,
"You know what?
"I've gotta be going.
"But it's good to see you again,
"and I'm glad things went so well."
I said, "Thank, Juice."
And my friends said, "Yeah, goodbye, Mr. Juice."
They're new to the game.
(audience laughing)
He said, "No, thank you for your hospitality.
"Goodnight, guys."
And we said, "Goodnight."
And he just walked out of the room.
And as soon as the door closed,
we all looked at each other like, That nigga did that shit.
(audience laughing)
I could feel, like, murder in the room.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I forgot.
The fourth time I met OJ Simpson.
(audience cheering)
The fourth time is not the funniest time,
but it was the last time I'd see The Juice.
For some reason I was at the Kentucky Derby.
It's a very long story.
This is right after I quit Chappelle's Show
in spectacular fashion.
There was a party hosted by Michael Jordan
and every athlete I had ever admired was in that room.
Yes.
And then I saw a familiar face by the bar
standing there, drinking alone.
It was Chris Tucker.
Now, you have to remember, at this time,
we were both technically missing.
(audience laughing)
And we went over and we're talking with one another
and motherfuckers were amazed to see us together.
Seeing me and Chris Tucker at that point
would be like seeing Bigfoot riding a unicorn.
You wouldn't believe that's what you were seeing.
And then through all the gawkers,
a familiar face pushed through the crowd.
Here it was again, The Juice.
He had his camera ready.
He was like, "Dave, Chris, good to see you guys.
"Hey, come on, guys.
"Let's all get together for a picture."
And at the same time, me and Chris were like, no.
Can't do that.
Sorry, Juice, my career's too flimsy
to survive a picture with you.
(audience laughing)
That's the end.
Good night.
(upbeat instrumental music)
(audience cheering)