You know we have a fantastic program tonight
some great people that are on.
[Andy] Excellent show.
We have...
[Andy] Before you go,
I'm sorry to monopolize the whole thing.
That's okay man,
we are just killing time and if you got something, go!
Well I just, I feel like I should introduce somebody
who's been here before.
She's in the audience tonight,
everybody it's my little sister Stacy.
(audience applause)
She's cute
Yeah
Hi there Stacy, it's really great to see you again.
Thanks a lot Conan it's awesome to see you again.
(audience laughter)
Yeah that reminds me,
Stacy wanted me to invite you over
to our family's house for Thanksgiving.
She still has a big crush on you.
(audience laughter)
Shut up Andy.
Stacy come on it's cute,
I mean she has been, the idea of you coming over,
she's been looking forward to it for weeks.
She's even been rehearsing like if you were to come over.
Actually I have some pictures.
Here she is, she's getting ready
to serve you some Thanksgiving pie.
(audience laughter)
The face, that's you on it.
[Conan] Aw that's so, she made that pie and that outfit,
that's great that's so sweet.
[Andy] She made a special float
for the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
(audience laughter)
[Andy] Yeah that's a lot of work.
That's amazing that kind of dedication, that's great.
And show them the doll Stacy.
No way Andy.
No come on, show them the doll, you brought it.
Okay fine, I made a little Conan.
(audience laughter)
Out of some Native American squash.
That's really cool, that's really neat.
And then, I took my own hair
and I dyed it with carrot juice
and I made your hair with it.
(audience laughter)
That is really beautiful thank you.
Yeah she's crazy about you.
Thanks a lot Andy,
now Conan thinks I'm like the Sultan of Dorkistan.
No, I don't think you're the Sultan of Dorkistan Stacy.
I think you're a wonderful young lady.
You're just saying that.
No I'm not, I mean it and I'm very flattered
that you did all that Thanksgiving stuff for me.
I think that's very cool, I'm touched by it.
You really mean that?
(audience laughter)
Well sure I mean that.
And believe me I would be there on Thursday
if I didn't already have other plans.
(audience empathizes)
No, no need to "aw".
(audience laughter)
You got other plans?
Well yeah, you know I promised my girlfriend's parents
that I would go to their house.
Aw that's nice, that's good, girlfriend, that's fun.
That's nice of them to invite you over to their house.
Well Stacy, they asked me months ago.
I would love to come to your house too.
I just wish I could be two places at once.
Aw that's cute, two places at once.
Well let me just get this straight,
the only way we could spend Thanksgiving together
would be if there was a breakdown
in the time space continuum.
Now Stacy don't get upset.
No you back off big brother!
(audience laughter)
Unless you want some of a five knuckle stuffing
shoved into that butterball head of yours.
(audience applause)
And you listen up Conan all right,
your words are cruel
and they feel like shrapnel
piercing my already broken heart.
But deep within my heart lies an army,
an elegant and fiercely brave infantry of hate.
(audience laughter)
And all though this army has rejection
buzzing by it's head like bullets
it will beat upon the drums of conquest with your bones.
Boom boom boom boom boom ta ta ta ta doom.
Charge, charge, charge, woo!
(audience applause)
Stacy I am so sorry, okay?
I didn't mean to upset you.
I am so sorry too Conan.
I guess my Thanksgiving spirit
morphed into a vengeful poltergeist.
(audience laughter)
No I can understand how that would happen Stacy.
Hey you know look maybe
we can get together next Thanksgiving.
That would be really nice.
Maybe she can make another crappy squash head doll.
(audience laughter)
All right you know what it's judgment day bitch.
(audience laughter)
[Conan] Stacy no! Stacy!
I love you. I love you. Please!
We're gonna take a break we'll be right back.