[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you!
-I think that applause had my name on it.
-Ahh, maybe. Well, hello.
-Welcome to the show. -Hi, James.
-You had some trouble finding a seat there.
-I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.
Because the last time we did the show,
we got some criticism afterwards
because the viewers thought we were sitting too close together.
And -- -I have a photo.
-Show the photo. See what you think.
-Well, I mean --
[ Laughter ]
-You look like it's one suit.
-I know. -It's fantastic.
-It's like from the circus or something.
Look, we're as close as Kanye and Trump.
Look at that.
-You couldn't get floss in there.
And I don't know why I did that.
I mean, you had no place to go.
Maybe I was trying to get on camera.
Are we too close now? I don't want to --
-No, you're perfect the way it is.
And I'm just so happy you're here.
-Okay.
-You are two of my -- two of my comedy heroes.
-Ah, thank you. And we love you.
We are this close to following you on Twitter.
-Thank you. -It's true.
-We're going to make a decision...
-Tonight. -That is amazing to hear.
And, you -- By the way, let me just say.
This is ridic-- You never age.
You don't. -Thank you.
-You are now like late night's Jared Kushner.
-Thank you so much. That is so thoughtful.
-And your energy. I can smell your dragon energy from here.
It's so amazing.
-You are now, like -- You're America's dad.
[ Laughter ]
And that certainly worked out for Cosby,
so it should be fine for you.
[ Audience groans ]
-Oh!
-Oh, man. -And there's Steve Higgins.
Steve Higgins looks like
things didn't work out so well for Harry Potter.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm happy that you're here.
You're here, together, though.
-You are so loose and good, Jimmy.
You know, that monologue was hil-- I mean --
And, by the way, just because
the audience doesn't laugh out loud...
[ Laughter ]
...doesn't mean that they're not laughing on the inside.
-[ Laughs ]
-I heard laughter, Marty. You did?
-Yeah. Well, it was Jimmy's.
-[ Laughs ] Come on. -No, that's true.
Jimmy is to giggling
what romaine lettuce is to E. coli.
-Thank you. Well, I -- That is so thoughtful.
Now, you were saying, all joking aside --
-I'll tell you something about Marty.
This is a compliment. This is actually a compliment.
"The New Yorker" mag -- Ohh. No, I'll take those.
I'll take those. -Are you sure?
-No, you do -- Here. Let me iron them.
Iron them out for you. There you go.
-Yeah. No problem. -There you go.
-Thank you. Appreciate that.
"The New Yorker" magazine, which is one of
the great magazines in the world,
called Marty one of the greatest TV talk-show guests of all time.
-I agree. Absolutely.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I agree. -No, no.
-Wouldn't you agree? Yeah.
-No, there's got to be others.
-And -- What did you say?
-There's got to be others, surely!
-No.
-Well, actually -- And I was pleased.
But also, hey...you know.
And I had to deal with that.
And I actually -- You know, I ran into Oprah at a party,
who always has good advice.
And I said, you know, "What do you think about this?
I'm feeling a little funny."
And she said, "Look. He is your friend.
And you should celebrate his success."
And I thought, "That is really good advice."
But I think the best advice I got
was from Tonya Harding's mom...
[ Laughter ]
-Ow.
...who said, "Just, you know, give him the pipe..."
-The old pipe to the knee, there.
-Are there things that you've learned from each other
throughout touring and getting closer together?
-Oh, my God. Over 33 years as of today you mean?
-Yeah.
I learned from Marty, that he's a very generous person.
And I mean that.
If he picks up a check in a restaurant,
he always draws a little heart right on the line
where the tip is supposed to go.
[ Laughter ]
-That is very thoughtful.
-Steve. Let me tell you about Steve.
-What have you learned about me?
-Well, I mean, the most fascinating thing about Steve
is that he's not afraid to hit someone else's kid.
-Oh, that's so thought-- That's very interesting.
-I'll tell you something I've learned from you.
And I mean this. -What? What?
I have learned from you,
you do not need a pool to have a pool boy.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey! -I did see that somewhere. Yeah.
You talk about learning something from someone.
This is what I learned from Steve.
That a urinal doesn't just have to be used for number one.
[ Audience groans ]
What? What have I done now?
I thought I was your favorite!
[ Laughter ]
-Here you are -- This weekend, you're at the Beacon Theatre...
-Yes. -...with your stage show.
-The Beacon Theatre here in New York.
We're doing two shows.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And they are sold out tight, except for maybe 2,000 seats.
-[ Laughs ] -I think it is sold out.
And it's such a historic theater.
It's an honor to go there,
because there's so many great acts.
I mean, last year, I saw Seinfeld there.
And he was so funny, I left in disgust.
[ Laughter ]
No, I mean, touring with Steve is just --
Well, Steve, at his age,
doesn't so much tour as he wanders off.
But still...
[ Laughter ]
And I don't think --
I don't know what you're talking about.
-Oh, my goodness. He's wandering now. Steve!
-No. Listen. Let me tell you something.
Nothing connects with the millennials like banjo playing.
[ Laughter ]
I listen to Steve on the banjo, and I just close my eyes,
and I pretend I'm on hold with Cracker Barrel.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my goodness.
You have a Netflix special, May 25th.
Oh, my gosh. It's this right there.
-Oh, you and all your questions.
-I didn't get to one question.