- Kelly tells student council
the cheerleaders need $600 for new uniforms.
Zack suggests $200 and forcing them to wear bikinis.
Wendy courtesy laughs at Zack's misogyny.
Mr. Belding says there isn't enough money for new uniforms.
Maybe next year.
Jessie asks if there are any more motions.
Zack says let's see those cheerleaders in motion!
Wendy once again humors Zack to appease his fragile ego.
Kelly suggests a date auction to raise the money.
Jessie says that's sexist flesh peddling,
which sounds great to Zack who immediately calls for a vote
that gets passed by a room full of horny teens.
Zack tells Linda she has a beautiful name
then asks who she's bidding on.
She tells Zack her name is Lydia.
He says that name is beautiful,
way prettier than that Linda junk.
Lydia says she hasn't made any decisions about the auction
and Zack volunteers to "coach" her.
Kelly, trying to do her job, goes to take their order.
Zack says she can beat it
unless there's a date with Lydia on that menu.
Which isn't the case, because this isn't a brothel.
The date auction is going great.
I guess. Who cares.
Zack's up and this nice young lady he's been brainwashing
for days to pay cash to get fingered bids $75 bucks.
Going once! Going twice!
Wendy out of nowhere with $100 smackers.
Zack's face goes through all seven stages of grief,
then he has to be forcibly pushed off the stage.
Wendy greets Zack at The Max to talk about the dance.
She drags him to her table and says she's so excited
she hasn't been able to eat.
Then jokingly says that's probably a good thing for her.
Zack winces in disgust and points at her body to
agree he thinks she's fat.
Zack says he can't possibly have lunch today
and tries to make a hasty exit.
Then fakes a back injury
and says he needs to go to the hospital.
Right away.
Wendy asks if there's anything she can do.
Zack tells her to pray to God for his well-being.
Wendy sees Zack in the hall
and checks in on his medical status.
Zack grabs his neck,
then remembers he's supposed to grab his back,
and tells her his team of doctors think
with the right combo of acupuncture needle therapy,
deep tissue massage, and vitamin B shots
he might be able to live a normal life, one day.
But of course, he won't be able to dance.
Wendy says she called his house
because she cares.
And his mom said he was out surfing.
Zack continues to lie,
mistaking being large for being stupid,
and says he was "body surfing",
a cover up that doesn't make sense.
Wendy sees through his nonsense.
She knows he's lying so he doesn't have to go
to the dance with her
because she doesn't look like Lydia or Kelly
or any of the other several dozen girls
he's hoping to finger before graduation.
She says she'll have more fun going to the dance by herself.
And tells this boy, "Bye".
Screech won Jessie in the auction
and he's driving her nanners.
She's considering ways to escape,
but Zack says she made a commitment
and needs to stick to it.
Jessie realizes she sounds awful
and Zack, with zero self-awareness, says she sure does.
Jessie says she knows Wendy isn't Zack's type,
so if he can give her a chance,
she can give Screech a chance.
Zack remembers that Wendy person
from three minutes ago exists.
Zack's at the dance alone,
getting called a loser by a bunch of nerds.
He approaches Wendy to ask where she's been.
She says at home, where she lives,
fucking duh.
Zack says he's sorry for being a fat shaming monster
but he'd like to dance.
Wendy's cool about it but wants to know what changed.
Zack says it's because he feels guilty
for dumping her over her weight.
Wendy says that's some real bullshit
and she wants no part of Zack's pity date
and she'd rather hang by the finger foods,
two words that describe how Zack thought
this night would end.
Zack retreats to nerd mountain
and is grossed out when one touches him.
The dance is going fine.
I guess, who cares.
Wendy applauds Kelly, wearing the new uniform she paid for,
proving she's the bigger person
in the only way that matters.
Belding announces this is the last dance, then
uh, okay.
Zack approaches Wendy in the final seconds of the dance
and says after embarrassing her and rejecting her
and shaming her and ignoring her,
he's finally ready to be seen in public with her.
For two minutes tops.
And when Lydia tries to cut in, still inculcated
from Zack's "coaching",
he tells her to be gone.
But if she wants, she can look at him
and Wendy eating together later at The Max.
Because he assumes Wendy is hungry.
And he knows this will make Lydia jealous
and more susceptible to his advances
at a future time of his convenience.
Only we never see Zack and Wendy at The Max.
In fact, we never see Wendy or Lydia ever again.
Because they both probably fucking killed themselves.
Let's review, Zack Morris said female student athletes
in need of new uniforms should wear bikinis
and dance for him.
Then pushed a charity date auction
through student legislation on the grounds
it would be a meat market.
And after trying to rig that meat market in his favor
with his selection of meat,
was won by the only girl in school
nice enough to laugh at his horrible jokes about women.
Then visibly wore his disgust over her weight
for the whole school to see.
And faked a back injury to get of
being seen with her in public.
Then told her to
PRAY TO GOD
he would recover.
And continue to lie to her face,
even after he was caught.
Then offered to pity dance with her
just to relieve his guilt.
And only managed to believably pretend to want to dance
with less than one song left in the evening.
Then tried to make everything right
by feeding her to make a skinnier girl jealous.
Zack Morris is trash.