- I never thought it would get this bad.
(dramatic music)
By the time I found out it was a cult,
I was already in too deep.
My name is Kensleigh Reigh Leighton,
and I escaped from working at Chick-Fil-A.
(upbeat music)
- So, you're part of the Chick-Fil-A family now.
I'm Martha Whitman,
and I'm the principal program leader here.
But you can call me mother hen.
- Every cult has the same story.
Come be a part of the family.
Connect to a higher power.
Find your purpose.
And every cult member seems happy, joyful, free,
until you start realizing what's going on behind the scenes.
- Here's your chicken.
- Oh, could I get extra Polynesian sauce?
- Yeah, no problem.
- Jenna said "No problem,"
instead of it's my pleasure.
The next day she disappeared
so I started secret recording everything.
Guys, what happened to Jenna?
- What is that?
- I don't know what that is.
- [Kensleigh] Jenna, she worked here for like a month.
- That's not God or chicken,
so I don't know why we're talking about it.
- It's my pleasure.
- It's our pleasure.
- Okay, what the (beep).
(dramatic music)
That's when I realized either these people
are constantly fleeing so much pleasure
they can't say anything else,
or something was very wrong.
- Like any restaurant we have a few statements we live by.
The customer is always right.
Fresh is better than frozen.
We were all born from the same space egg,
laid by our biological father,
and Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Always offer extra Polynesian sauce.
- Okay, pop quiz.
What is not allowed at the fryer?
Chet.
- Two men at the same time
because that's gay.
- Oh, that's super gay, Chet, correct.
- And at the time I really thought this was normal,
like every restaurant must have a blasphemy chart.
Every restaurant must teach their staff
that on the last day on Earth it would be raining fire
and God would be at Staples Center
separating the people who had done butt stuff,
and the people who have not.
- There's no doubt in my mind
that Chick-Fil-A is indeed a cult.
No one should be supporting their business.
Oh God.
What?
The chicken's really good, okay?
Oh, ooh.
- And then there were Sundays.
Chick-Fil-A being closed on Sunday
is actually for the staff to meet
for a team bonding exercise
in the bunker under the restaurant.
The thing that was bonding us was fear.
- Thank you all for joining
another Sunday family bonding activity.
Now, as you all know,
in order to understand the chicken
you must become the chicken.
Therefore, Chet, if you would be so kind
as to enter the 100% pure peanut oil
that is boiling beneath you.
(screaming)
- Smokehouse barbecue chicken sandwich,
grilled chicken cool wrap.
Chicken tenders.
- Strips!
Chicken strips.
What do you hate God?
(everyone booing and heckling)
- And then we cleaned the bathrooms.
- [Interviewer] And what kind of crazy stuff happened there?
- Oh, nothing, it was just mostly annoying.
We were always running out of toilet paper.
Anyways.
(everyone chanting)
- I would have done anything for Chick-Fil-A.
One night Garth pulled me to the side and said.
- You know, Kensleigh, we've got a real problem
with Popeye's selling chicken sandwiches now.
What are we gonna do about that?
- So I went across the street that night,
and I stabbed the cashier at the Popeye's.
(screaming)
No more chicken, okay?
- Okay, okay.
- Stop selling chicken.
- Okay, (indistinct).
- Oh the cashier lived,
but he also lives in my building
so it's kind of awkward.
Hey Josh.
- Kensleigh.
- Having a good day?
- What do you think, Kensleigh?
- Sure, sometimes I worry that they're following me,
watching me still,
making sure I don't break the NDA
they make every employee sign in blood.
(doorbell ringing)
(screaming)
They're right here.
No, no, no more chicken.
Please, no more chicken.
It's too much, I can't work here.
I can't do it.
I don't wanna go back.
But I'm not afraid anymore
because now that I left I'm actually part of a family.
I found my calling.
And I know that what I do matters to Zenu.
My name is Kensleigh Reigh Leighton,
and I'm a proud Scientologist.
(upbeat music)
- Every cult,
oh (beep).
- I did see an employee that I had to fire
because he had dirty little paws,
and he touched everything on the surface.
I saw him on a field,
and he was struck down by lightening.
Died right then and there.
I was also on LSD.
- I feel so good,
but I feel so bad.
The queen is gonna be so mad at me.
Oh spank me, Prince Philip.
- We'll have our two assistants decide
whether he becomes chicken minis
or chicken strips.
- Definitely the mini.
- Good answer.
- You can get more of him that way.
- The minis.
(indistinct chatter)
- Chicken lovings.
My God.
(screaming)
(laughing)
- Sorry Tim.
- You're good.
(laughing)
- Hi mom.
I'm good, I'm just at work, how are you?
All right.
Listen, three more months of work,
and we can pay that witch to bring you Back.
I know he's still in there, mom, I know he is.
I heard him say something the other day.
Something about being an unborn Aztec prince.
Do you think it's possession?
Because of the Hubris of man?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, look, I say we got what's coming to us.
We're lucky it's not a Kaiju.
- Hey, Tim, did you act in this sketch
without a vest on?
- No, of course not, all the time.
Vesting all the time.
Please.
- Isn't Scientology just a cult?
What?
Shh, it's not a cult
if you don't say it's a cult.
La la la, I can't hear you.
Zenu, now would be a good time.
Beam me up.