BAND. LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW
BAND. TODAY, WE GOT A LOVELY GUEST.
IN JUST A MOMENT, JUST ONE OF MY FAVORITE GUESTS TO TALK TO, JUST
A DELIGHTFUL, INCREDIBLY TALENTED AND REALLY BEAUTIFULLY
STRANGE IN HER OWN WAY, AUBREY PLAZA BEEN OF WILL BE OUT HERE
IN JUST A MOMENT. SHE'S IN THE NEW "THE WHITE
LOTUS" BEAUTIFULLY STRANGE. "THE WHITE LOTUS."
AND THE FOUNDER OF THE "THE 1619 PROJECT," NIKOLE HANNAH-JONES
WILL BE OUT HERE. THAT'S A GOOD CONVERSATION.
WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING HERE BECAUSE WE RECORDED THIS THING--
WE'RE TALKING 6:00 RIGHT NOW. I HAVE TO GET OVER FOR THE NEW
GAFFIN HALL AT LINCOLN CENTER. I'M INTRODUCING SOMEBODY ON
STAGE. >> Louis: I HEARD.
>> Stephen: LIN-MANUEL, SOMEBODY.
FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, RUMINATING ON
THE DAY'S BIGGEST STORIES, COLLECTING MY THOUGHTS INTO THE
MOST TOPICAL PASSAGES THAT EXPLORE THE LANDSCAPE OF HUMAN
RELATIONSHIPS IN THE MODERN ERA, WITH INFLUENCES FROM
DOSTOYEVSKY, TURGENEV, AND THOREAU, TO COMPOSE FOR YOU THE
PITHY, YET TIMELESS, VIRGINIA WOOLF MASTERPIECE THAT IS MY
NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES,
FOLKS, I EMERGE FROM A SEWER GRATE UNDER AN ABANDONED NEWS
STAND, LICK A GLUE STICK, AND RIP WHICHEVER WORDS ANGER ME
MOST OUT OF SOME DISCARDED ISSUES OF "CONSUMER REPORTS"
THEN SLAP 'EM TOGETHER ON A GARBAGE LID TO PRESENT THE
TUNNEL-DWELLER'S RANSOM NOTE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE!
THAT IS-- THAT'S AMERICAN HISTORY RIGHT THERE.
MEANWHILE, EARLIER THIS WEEK "APPLE'S iMESSAGE AND FACETIME
WERE DOWN FOR SOME USERS," WHO "COMPLAINED ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE
TO SEND AND RECEIVE TEXT MESSAGES OR PLACE FACETIME
CALLS." OH, NO.
WITHOUT TEXT OR FACETIME, HOW WERE THEY SUPPOSED TO
COMMUNICATE USING THEIR PHONE?
( APPLAUSE )
SPECIAL WAY YOU TALK TO IT." SO, CAT OWNERS, WHEN YOU TELL
YOUR CAT TO STOP SCRATCHING THE NEW SILK PILLOWS BUT HE KEEPS
DOING IT, IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( CUTE VOICE )
WHEN YOU DIE. MEANWHILE, "A STUDY FOUND THAT
PEOPLE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN COMMUTE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERING )
WOULD RATHER BE "SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY" OR "EXERCISING,"
WHILE THE MOST HONEST PARTICIPANTS SAID THEY'D RATHER
SPEND THEIR DAYS SAYING THEY'RE GONNA EXERCISE THEN SIT ON THE
COUCH WATCHING "BELOW DECK MED" IN RUNNING SHORTS.
MEANWHILE, IN SPREADABLE NEWS, DESPITE THE LOOMING BUTTER
SHORTAGE, "THE USAGE OF FANCY BUTTER BOARDS IS SOARING," WHICH
IS "TAKING A STICK OF BUTTER AND SPREADING IT ON A CHARCUTERIE
BOARD AND THEN ADDING WHATEVER YOU WANT."
NOTE TO MY LOVED ONES: IF YOU EVER SEE ME SPREADING AN ENTIRE
STICK OF BUTTER ON A BOARD AND I'M ABOUT TO EAT IT, WHAT I WANT
IS PROZAC.
PICTURES FROM NIKON'S ANNUAL "SMALL WORLD" COMPETITION, A
CONTEST FOR TINY PICTURES OF TINY THINGS, AND THIS YEAR'S
BATCH IS PRETTY WILD. HERE'S A ZEBRAFISH, PHOTOGRAPHED
A MERE 72 HOURS INTO ITS DEVELOPMENT, CAPTURING THE EXACT
MOMENT THAT IT REALIZED ITS WHOLE FAMILY WENT TO PARIS
WITHOUT IT.
MEANWHILE, "A SWEDISH ZOO CLOSED WHEN A KING COBRA ESCAPED ITS
EXHIBIT." I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE HEARD THAT
ANNOUNCEMENT: "OKAY, FOLKS, NO REASON TO
PANIC, BUT THE ZOO IS CLOSING. JUST SOME ROUTINE MAINTENANCE,
REPAIRS, THERE'S A KING COBRA ON THE LOOSE, CLEANING, INVENTORY,
CATCHING THE COBRA, SERVICING EQUIPMENT.
NOW, ONCE IN A WHILE, THERE'S A BIT OF A STORY BEHIND HOW WE
HANDLE A STORY HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW."
WHEN THAT HAPPENS, I LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT IN MY
MEANWHILE SUB-SEGMENT: "BEHIND-THE-SCENES-WHILE."
YOU SEE, THAT STORY ABOUT THE SNAKE LOOSE IN SWEDEN?
INITIALLY, MY WRITER/PRODUCER, MIKE BRUMM, HAD THE IDEA THAT WE
TAKE A SONG BY SWEDISH BAND ABBA AND CHANGE THEIR LYRICS TO BE
ABOUT THIS ESCAPED SNAKE. SO MIKE DID, LIKE, A TRIAL
VERSION OF A VIDEO WHERE HE USES HIS OWN VOICE FOR A SCRATCH
TRACK, A PROOF OF CONCEPT. SOMETIMES IT WORKS, AND THE BAND
OVER THERE THEN DOES A BEAUTIFUL VERSION OF IT.
AND SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T WORK, AND YOU NEVER SEE IT.
BUT THIS TIME, IT SO VERY DID NOT WORK THAT, WITH MIKE'S
PERMISSION, I'M GONNA SHOW IT TO YOU NOW.
JIM?
( "DANCING QUEEN" PLAYING )
YOU CAN DIE ♪ OH, SEE THAT SNAKE
TAKE COVER ♪ PUT IN THE COBRA SNAKE
>> Stephen: WE DIDN'T CUT AWAY
FROM THAT SONG IN THE MIDDLE.
SONG IN THE MIDDLE. THAT'S AS FAR AS HE GOT.
HE SAID, "YOU WANT ME TO FINISH IT?"
I SAID-- I SAID NO. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK