So I've seen a lot of videos here on YouTube where people
focus on Victorian era etiquette that they think is ridiculous.
And while some of the rules that the Victorians lived by
may no longer be relevant to us.
I think there's actually a lot we can learn from people who spent so
much time thinking about how they can be helpful and kind to others.
So I'm going to be sharing with you today, some points of etiquette
that I think that we should still be following today in 2021.
And these come from the "Lady's Book of Etiquette and Manual Politeness"
and "The Gentleman's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness."
Both published in the mid 18 hundreds.
My name is Ellie Dashwood.
And this is my channel where I talk about classic literature, history and writing.
If you like any of those things, please subscribe.
So first, really what is etiquette?
I think in modern society, we think of etiquette as knowing perfect table manners
or knowing what to get for a hostess gift.
But really during Victorian times, etiquette fulfilled
such a more vital function.
They saw etiquette as a outward appearance of an inward world view,
which of course in Victorian England was heavily based on Christian principles.
So for example, "Politeness is based on real kindness of heart...
it is founded upon love of the neighbor and desire to be loved and to show love."
It required consideration of the feelings of others.
And it endeavored to put everyone at ease and to show gentleness and
courtesy to everyone, no matter their station in life, or whether you even
considered them a friend or not.
And while both of these guides acknowledge, that the way true
kindness of heart is shown varies depending on culture and time.
Really, a lot of the things they suggest in these manuals are just as relevant
to today as when they were written.
So let's look at some of the main underlying principles I think that a lot
of these etiquette rules were based on.
And look at some examples of those rules from these books.
The first one is this basic idea of, you should care about other people.
Which don't you think in 2021, we should still care about other people?
So for example, on page 149 of the Lady's Etiquette Book, it tells us,
"The way to make yourself pleasing to others is to show that you care for them.
Thus, the first rule for a graceful manner is unselfish consideration of others."
And I feel like that's really true.
If you meet someone who really cares about you, don't just kind of like them better?
See the Victorians knew what they were doing in life.
And so a lot of the etiquette rules based off of these principles,
focus on one of two things.
One is showing people you care about them.
And then two avoiding doing anything that hurts them.
So for example, here, it says, "Many persons will, for the sake
of appearing witty or smart, wound the feelings of another deeply.
Avoid this.
It is not only ill-bred, but cruel."
And so essentially don't make fun of your friends.
I feel like that's something we see a lot in modern sitcoms.
They're just so cruel and demeaning to really everybody, including people
they're supposed to care about.
So I also thought this one was applicable to all life.
"Avoid at all times mentioning subjects or incidents that can
in anyway digust your hearers.
Many persons will enter into the details of sickness, which should be mentioned
only when absolutely necessary or describe the most revolting scenes before a room
full of people, or even at the table.
Others speak of vermin, noxious plants, or instances of uncleanliness.
All such conversations or illusion is excessively ill bred."
So don't be talking about gross stuff at the dinner table is what
the Victorians were trying to say.
My cat has come to visit us.
You want to say hi to the people again?
Come here, come, come, come here.
Yes, this is my cat.
He just wanted to say hi.
Well, since my cat is deciding to interrupt this video, let me take
a moment to talk about Abebooks.
Yes, this is an ad for Abebooks.
I got both these book editions of the etiquette guides off of Abebooks,
which is a used book website.
And I absolutely love shopping on there because we can save so much
on books and you get to choose the condition of the used book you want.
And both of these were very good use copies, and I think
they both came from the UK too.
So.
It's a great website for getting books from outside of the U.S.
as well at very, very reasonable prices might I add.
So I will be linking to these books and several others that I have
got off their website down below.
So definitely check that out.
Meanwhile, we also see rules dedicated to making people, feel cared for.
Such as this rule for hostesses.
It says, "The best rule is to make your guest feel she is heartily
welcomed and perfectly at home."
In the Gentleman's Guide, we learn that being a good listener is just
as important as being a good talker.
Meanwhile, brothers are encouraged to treat their sisters well.
It says, "Nothing in a family, strikes the eye of a visitor with more delight than
to see brothers treat their sisters with kindness, civility, attention, and love."
So all your brothers out there have a lot to live up to from the Gentleman's Book
of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness.
But really be nice to your siblings and don't be rude to people or talk
about gross stuff at the dinner table, I think are all pretty good
things we should still be doing today.
The other concept is that by bettering yourself, you're really
helping other people because you're becoming a better companion for them.
For example, in the Lady's Guide, they are encouraged to take up reading
serious literature so that they can have interesting conversations
with others on a variety of topics.
Meanwhile, the Gentleman's Guide says this on the topic of swimming.
It says, "it is a desirable accomplishment to be able to swim in a suit of clothes.
This may be practiced by good swimmers cautiously at first
in comparatively shallow water.
And afterwards in deeper places.
Occasions may frequently occur where it may be necessary to plunge
into the water to save a drowning person or the lack of time or the
presence of ladies would preclude all possibility of removing clothes."
So basically men needed to practice swimming fully closed in case they
needed to save a drowning person.
So, I mean, that's very helpful to others.
If you're drowning.
For some reason, it just reminds me of the part in Titanic when she's going
to jump off of the back of the ship and he starts taking off his shoes.
And then later the guy's like, "Interesting, the young lady slipped
so suddenly, and you still had time to remove your jacket and your shoes."
See he needed to practice swimming fully clothed, and that
would not have been a problem.
The third interesting principle that underlied a lot of this etiquette
is that you should make life choices wisely and think things through.
For example, I found the chapters in the ladies guide about
marriage very, very interesting.
And it goes into what you want to look for in a husband is good qualities.
And it cautions against hasty engagements because you can't really
get to know someone in a short period of time who they deeply are,
which I think is still good advice.
And I was kind of surprised that it came from a Victorian etiquette
book, but again, I feel like people often portray people in the
past in this very negative light.
Like they didn't know what they were doing.
Often they were a lot more on top of things than we can give them credit for.
Meanwhile, too, on the topic of fashion, it was encouraged that a lady wear
something that is becoming to her, not just because it's fashionable.
AKA, if neon green is in fashion, but you look awful in neon
green, don't wear neon green.
That is what the Victorian Lady's Etiquette Guide is telling ya.
Gentleman's Guide hits on the fourth one, which is it's important to be humble.
Here it says, "The true secret of pleasing all the world is to
have a humble opinion of yourself.
True goodness is invariably accompanied by gentleness, courtesy, and humility.
Those people who are always sticking on their dignity are continually losing
friends, making enemies and fostering a spirit of unhappiness in themselves."
So ultimately humility goes a long way and helps you have happier
relationships with others, which is just a true psychological fact that
they knew even back in the 18 hundreds.
Finally, the gentleman's guide also shows that etiquette isn't
just for those you want to impress.
Rather, it even says that a man should help a lady who is in trouble in
the street, no matter her position.
He shouldn't even stop to think, O"h, is she a woman of nobility?
Is she important?
Is she pretty?
"He should just help her.
Cause it's the right thing to do.
And I think that's something that really impressed me throughout both etiquette
books, which is that ultimately the aim of the Victorians wasn't to be fancy.
It was to be good people.
So that's it for the etiquette I think we should still definitely follow this year.
And really every year.
Does being kind to others ever go out of fashion?
No, no, it does not.
We all know this to be true.
Anyway, if you like history, classic literature or writing, please
subscribe to my channel and let me know in the comments below which of
these Victorian era etiquette facts you think we should follow the most.
So I just want to pause briefly and talk about these books themselves.
There's cat hair.
Okay.