so i was 30 minutes into a date with
someone who just was not the right fit
for me
we didn't agree on some fundamental
issues you are wrong i don't know how
you connect like tennis
better than people is the best one
fellini is classy
after about half an hour of this i did
what every people-pleaser's nightmare is
i expressed my authentic needs even
though they were in direct conflict with
what someone else wanted
you're leaving yeah you know it's been
nice to get to know you but i really
don't see anything here so i don't want
to waste each other's time i'm just
going to go home and watch avatar the
last airbender
um okay that's a good call but damn this
must have been the shortest date i've
ever had
yeah you know as short as the
anglo-zanzibar were of 1896.
what the conflict between the uk and the
zanzibar sultanate that lasted like
between 38 and 45 minutes making it the
shortest recorded war in history okay
i'm just gonna see myself out now it was
nice to get to know you i mean kind of
okay bye
i'll get the check and that is the day i
realized i am no longer a people pleaser
you know people pleasing affects so many
of us because a lot of us grow up
learning that in order to survive
we need to essentially lie out of the
fear of being rejected or upsetting our
primary caregiver
so we grow up and pretend to agree with
people even when we don't
aren't you so happy the hive aliens took
over
uh yeah absolutely i'll hail the queen
we feel responsible for other people's
feelings let's go on a guilt trip
yay oh my god i'm gonna go unpack my
sadness oh okay i'd love to feel
responsible for that
should i also bring some rage absolutely
bring it up for the three of us but i'm
happy to carry it
oh my god i'm so excited this is gonna
be so fun
for you guys i'm gonna be miserable
and we don't know how to say no i need
you to help me bury this body of course
twins help twins no matter what
oh um accomplice to murder
that that's what you're asking of me
aren't you gonna help us
yeah don't you think friends help
friends bury dead bodies oh
you are my help i'm i'm popular yeah i
mean are you gonna kill me if i don't
i was a people pleaser for almost my
entire life and it's only until recently
i've started to prioritize myself
and my needs over what i think people
want from me it is so freeing
because people pleasing leads to neglect
of self passive aggression and
resentment stress depression being taken
advantage of
and decreased joy and the people and
activities that are in our lives
to stop being a people pleaser i often
think of myself as my friend so if my
friend is uncomfortable about something
i speak up on her behalf
if she's unable to set a boundary for
herself i set it for her
if people are venting to her i reassure
her she doesn't need to fix this or give
people advice
just be there and listen and most
importantly i reassure her that her
self-worth
doesn't come from other people's
approval or validation
that she can't be abandoned because she
got me and that i love her and accept
her for who she is
decades of therapy pay enough thank you
to squarespace for sponsoring today's
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