- They may not come back if the energy remains the same.
However, if the energy changes,
if the energy comes back to self,
you'll notice that the energy becomes much more magnetic
and literally people respond differently.
So in this video, I'm gonna show you
that if someone left you, or if you're feeling abandoned,
if you're feeling like there's something missing,
or you want someone to be behaving differently,
I'm gonna show you how to get back to your core,
how to stop focusing on them,
and how this will completely transform your energy
from the inside out,
so that if it's meant to be, they can actually come back.
So first off with this, if someone left,
the important thing to realize with this
is that it's not your fault.
Now, maybe you look at that and you hear that,
and it's like, "Well, Aaron, you don't know my situation.
I did this.
This is something that I brought on myself."
Or it's something that maybe is
on the other side of the spectrum, where it's like,
"Why does this always happen to me?
Why do people show up for a period of time and then leave?"
And the thing to realize about the energy dynamic
where someone may leave and about this in general,
is this really gets down to the core identity.
This cuts down to the core of how we view ourselves,
because many of us may feel like it
is familiar or comfortable for people to show up
in our lives and then leave.
And normally this stems from childhood energy as well,
where in childhood, we had someone
that was emotionally available or was there,
and then left, physically,
maybe the parents divorced, maybe they emotionally left.
And when that happened, we started to internalize a sense
of reality that says, this is the way reality works.
People come into my life and they leave.
And sometimes they don't even give a reason,
which could for sure happen with parents too.
Somebody comes in or a parent leaves,
and it's like, why?
Why did a parent physically leave or emotionally check out?
Is it because I'm not good enough?
Is it because I did something wrong?
Is it because of something with myself?
And that's because we internalize everything
as we're growing up.
So if there's one thing that will change your life more
than anything else with this video,
it's understanding to pull your energy back.
Because what happens when someone leaves,
is a lot of times out of a control mentality,
what we do is we start projecting energy at them.
We start thinking about them.
And energetically, they feel this.
And for some reason, when we are projecting energy
at someone and we are feeling in a non-coherent state
and we're feeling kind of needy
or we want someone to react differently,
whatever we're feeling when we're thinking of that person
is being projected at that person,
they are feeling it,
and it is causing them to back up or to be repelled.
Remember, people feel what you feel.
And if you're feeling that about them,
projecting that energy at them,
because you're thinking of them,
they are feeling it and it is pushing them away even more.
So to really mitigate this energy,
the key is pulling the energy back, pulling the energy back.
So many times I've noticed even in my own life
that when I'm trying to fix someone else,
which implies they're broken by the way,
when I'm wanting someone to respond to me,
when I'm wanting someone else's validation,
I'm putting out this needy energy,
and it is not reflected back in a good way.
They say that the more you try,
this is an Allen Watts quote
from something called the backwards law,
the more you try to get other people to like you,
the less they will like you.
The more that you disrupt your energy field
and the more you come off weird and needy
and the more they feel that, and the less they like you.
But the less you are attached to whether they like you,
the more they will like you.
It's this weird thing.
The more you try to control your life,
the more out of control you will feel.
The more you trust and the more you allow things to happen,
the more that then you will feel in control of your life.
This is interesting, but both of these apply
to someone leaving, feeling abandoned, feeling this energy
because the thing is, is what there is an attachment to
is there is an attachment to outcome.
There's an attachment to how things happen.
And that attachment to the outcome, creates the resistance.
But letting go of what happens with the outcome,
creates a sense of freedom,
a sense of allowing, a sense of letting in.
So when we talk about this dynamic as well,
it's important not to think of it only in
the form of manipulation.
Because a lot of times when people would click
on a video that says what this video says,
they would say, "Okay, Aaron,
what is the one thing I do to get this person's reaction?
To make them fight for me?"
And I'm here to say to you,
you don't want them to fight for you.
You don't want some manipulative tactic that you do that
then they go, "I need you in my life."
Because a lot of times that is based in codependency.
If you've ever heard of the attachment styles,
there's three main attachment styles.
Some people break this down into like seven
or something, because there's this, this and this.
But in general, there's three.
That is, that there is secure attachment.
Now, secure attachment means that you can give
and receive love easily.
It means growing up there isn't as much of a trauma
or of an attachment style of the other two.
So it's like, you're able to give love.
You're able to receive love more easily.
People that are emotionally secure
with their attachment style
do not have much of an issue with intimacy.
At the same time, they are not too needy.
They're this good balance.
It's like Goldilocks and the three bears.
This is the one that's just right.
But then you have that of the avoidant attachment style.
The avoidant attachment style is somebody that
normally in childhood had a certain level
of trust that was broken.
So they normally kind of push away intimacy.
They kind of want love, but at the same time
they're kind of afraid of it.
So they find it hard for them
to emotionally necessarily connect to people.
But they find more safety in kind of backing up,
in kind of leaning back, not getting too close.
So this also, sometimes you may have had
an overly needy parent where you're like,
"Mom, leave me alone."
Or, "Dad leave me alone."
And therefore, there's like a fear that comes
around the intimacy.
There tends to be more people in the dating pool
that are avoidant than any other attachment style,
because avoidants tend to not be
in a relationship as much until they shift into secure.
None of these by the way are permanent.
They don't have to be permanent.
You can shift into a new attachment style.
But they're rooted in a core trauma.
Normally, avoidance is around trust.
And then you have anxious.
Now at what I'm sharing through right now
will help you understand this dynamic that I'm sharing
with you, with leaving, abandonment and all of this.
Anxious, anxious is the one that I had
for a period of my life, where I would lean in.
I would try to fix.
It's almost like I felt like in order,
I wanted someone else's validation, love or support,
and it was like, I would lean in for it,
and that's called anxious attachment.
That's when you meet someone and you might be
in your head about it, you might want them to text you back.
You might then start internalizing things
and create stories in your mind.
That's anxious. So anxious leans in.
Avoidant leans back and kind of like repels it.
And then secure is able to stand firm
and be emotionally present,
but not overly needy at the same time.
Now, a lot of times what happens is an anxious person,
an anxious attachment style will attract
an avoidant attachment style.
It's called the anxious-avoidant trap.
And what happens is,
there's this cat and mouse game that's played
where one person wants the love, wants the intimacy,
and then the other person is kind of like running it away,
and there's like this game that kind of goes on.
Now, the reason I share this with you is the key
to getting out of this trap is to heal the childhood trauma.
And for the avoidant, it's learning to trust.
It's learning that if your mom cheated
on your dad or your dad cheated on your mom,
it had nothing to do with you.
That's not how every guy or every woman is.
It's letting go and forgiving your dad or your mom.
It's realizing if your parents divorced,
it wasn't 'cause it was of you.
It's not your fault.
And the more you look at that, the more you start to heal
that energy and not internalize it,
the more free you become.
Start to see this avoidant thing as a pattern.
It's not you, it's a pattern,
because then you you take it out of the identity,
it's easier to shift.
The anxious, same thing.
If mom or dad left when you were a kid,
and normally what happens is like maybe your mom
or your dad kind of check out,
and then the the baby or the kid thinks,
"There's something wrong with me.
Why am I not getting my needs met?"
They're literally looking for other people
to meet their needs.
Whereas the avoidant has decided
that nobody's gonna meet my needs,
so I must meet my own needs.
And then it's hard for them to let someone in.
So for what I'm sharing with you right now,
normally, probably most people that maybe would click
on this video would maybe be more anxious I would assume,
because anxious is like, you want the response back.
Maybe the avoidant is the one that left.
Maybe, maybe not.
But in general, it's like learning how to heal
and letting go of whatever the shame is from
when you were a kid,
and letting it go, realizing it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
Maybe even this person left, maybe this person left
and it's like, maybe it's just not the right relationship.
But at the same time, this relationship may be a mirror
from your relationship with your parents growing up,
because that's what love felt like.
Love felt like inconsistent.
Love felt like it's here, then it's gone.
And then it's my fault.
But realize, just like it's not your fault
that somebody may have left,
it is not your fault that maybe your parents left
when you were five years old.
And as you begin to relate to these concepts differently,
you will find that then you're able to embody
a new sense of self, a new sense of love.
This is about getting to the core of who you are,
and from the inside out, making these new choices
about who you are and really feeling it.
As you feel it, you heal it.
Because what the anxious normally is afraid of
is afraid of rejection.
Do not reject me, do not leave me.
You leaving me means I'm not worthy.
And what I had to realize for myself is that
in past relationships if somebody left,
I would internalize it, create these stories.
I realized it's not my fault.
And normally even it's like,
it's no one's really fault.
It's this neutral thing that we become aware of.
But when it comes to attraction,
if you want the manipulative technique,
which is not the good vibration way of saying it,
but the way to get anybody back is to actually let them go.
And as hard as that is to hear,
it does actually increase the chances
of someone actually coming back.
Because when you stop projecting them energy,
that they're used to, by the way,
because that's probably why they're walking away
or leaving is because they feel maybe
a little bit suffocated from the energy
or there's something that may be too much.
Maybe even they're not ready for intimacy, who knows?
Like, emotional intimacy or something.
So when they're feeling that,
and then you're you're projecting them energy,
it's pushing them back even more.
I have seen this by the way, work so many times.
Friends that are like, they can't get over their ex,
and they just keep thinking about them,
thinking about them, thinking about them.
And then what happens is they finally start to let them go.
They go out with friends,
they start focusing on a new passion project,
they start growing their business, whatever it is.
And within weeks that person comes back.
And one of the reasons is,
is because they pulled their energy back
and they started being in their own frame.
They stopped being needy.
They went from that anxious neediness,
and to the secure, I fill up my own cup,
I have an ecosystem of friends, I feel good.
And because they feel different,
what you really wanna do here is you
wanna change your state.
You wanna change how you feel.
And one of the easiest ways to change how you feel
is to just simply let go,
to let go and realize that this person that may have left,
realize that it's not your fault they left
and realize and accept it that they have.
And then you can take that as a permission,
an opportunity for you to start putting
the energy within yourself,
within your own frame, within your own reality,
within your own passion, within your own business,
within your friend group.
Sometimes what people do is they put all
of their eggs in this one basket of like relationship
and love and getting the validation or whatever it is.
And then all the other relationships suffer.
Have you ever had a friend like that?
That when they're in a relationship,
they're in the relationship and their friend,
like they they don't really talk to their friends anymore.
They don't really care about their business
or their career anymore.
It's just their relationship.
Well, realize there's other buckets to put your energy into.
And if, instead of putting the energy
into this and trying to control this,
if you accepted it, let it go and allowed yourself
to then be in your own reality,
be in your own frame, realize it's not your fault,
you can release that childhood stuff.
And a lot of times you think this is about the other person,
when deeper than that, it might actually be
about your relationship with your parents
that's really the trigger,
because this is reminding you of that.
And start to be honest with yourself.
Am I attracting emotionally unavailable people?
Am I attracting people that maybe don't accept me,
or don't show that love back?
As you get honest with yourself,
you will start to respond differently
and you will start to see things more clearly,
and it then changes everything.
So there's also processes and ways you can go
about becoming more emotionally available.
There's ways you can go about trusting again,
healing your attachment style to become more secure.
Imagine you not pushing away love,
and at the same time, you not needing it
and getting closer and closer.
You're able to just stand firm in your own sense
of self-love, your own sense of self-worth.
Imagine feeling worthy, whole and complete
on the inside and therefore,
having a much more magnetic energy.
Imagine having more fun.
This is also something maybe you don't want to hear,
but if you went out with friends and had fun,
it would move some energy like crazy,
and you would feel more magnetic.
Now, everything I'm sharing with you right now
about moving into secure attachment, emotional availability
and all of this, there's something called
the 21 day magnetic love challenge,
one of the most powerful 21 day processes you can go through
for becoming emotionally available, transforming this energy
from the inside out so that you are more magnetic.
If you haven't checked it out yet,
go ahead and click the link in the description box below
and join the magnetic love challenge.
Also, there is a video that will help you
to heal codependency,
which is a lot of times what this energy is rooted in.
Watch this video right here to help you wire
in all these ideas to completely transform
from the inside out.
In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you
the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again.
I'm gonna share with you also my journey
through this process,
what I've learned about the inner child,
how you can heal this process.