Today's question comes from a viewer who wanted to know what's the difference between a covert narcissist and a highly sensitive person?
aren't they really just the same thing. Well, that's what we're gonna talk about today at QueenBeeing.com.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and CPTSDfoundation.org)
I'm Angie Atkinson and this is toxic relationship rehab where I help you discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. If that sounds good to you, hit that subscribe button and we'll get going.
So if you heard the label "highly sensitive person" and you didn't know what it meant,
what would you think? A lot of people might think it's someone who just can't take a joke very well or it gets too upset too easily.
It's true that highly sensitive people and covert narcissists both struggle with taking jokes
very well or being a little easily offended sometimes and being highly emotional,
but it's not that simple. Up to 20% of people are highly sensitive to their environment,
meaning they're hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant of the environment around them,
but to make it really simple, look at it like this; people who are hyper-sensitive they have more highly developed
senses, their nose is more sensitive than other noses.
They see a little better in some cases or they hear a little better.
They feel a little more deeply, it's almost like they're raw.
They have more
sensitive reactions to certain types of foods or certain types of external stimuli. If they are healthy, they also have really strong
intuition, their gut reactions might be deeper and more pronounced than other peoples and they are likely to respond quickly and
immediately to the needs of someone else or the situation of someone else.
So a lot of times those characteristics are confused.
Now, I would tell you those sound a little more like an empath than a narcissist, right?
But just for the sake of argument, a lot of people refer to highly sensitive people as being insecure or weak or
overly needy or clingy or in a lot of cases as a covert narcissist,
but that isn't the case, in fact highly sensitive people really aren't on the narcissism scale.
There's sort of a polar opposite of narcissists, even though you might see some of the same behavior
in a covert narcissist and a highly sensitive person. What am I talking about? Let's jump into that a little bit.
We're gonna pick up a few of the traits that they have in common and we're gonna kind of explain how they're different.
Both covert narcissists and highly sensitive people tend to take people's words very personally, people's feelings very personally.
So when we're talking about a highly sensitive person,
I feel everything really deeply and that causes me to be really hyper-vigilant to
anything people say, this is especially true when
someone says something that sounds critical to me, because I begin to overthink it, I'll wonder why they said that,
how I might have caused them to feel that way and well my head just goes from there. And when we're talking about a more
covert narcissist, because of course it's about me, everything is about me,the whole world revolves around me,
you know this right? and a lot of times both
narcissists and highly sensitive people feel really strongly about how people react to them when they enter a room.
So with the highly sensitive person; I feel nervous because I don't want anyone to look at me.
I'm really concerned about the way I'm perceived, because I want people to understand that I have good intentions and to like me.
I don't like conflict and I genuinely care about the people around me. Plus I'm hypersensitive to my environment,
so I'm always noticing every little thing. And with a narcissist; I want all eyes on me.
I am afterall, the most important person in every room and look at me, look amazing.
Why wouldn't anyone want to look at me?
And then of course
we know that both highly sensitive people and narcissists tend to be a little bit anxious and
oversensitive to certain remarks that people make or certain comments that are made by other people around them, especially if the comment is teasing them.
So when we're talking about a highly sensitive person; I take people seriously and I care about how they feel.
I don't always want to be the center of attention.
If someone's being mean to me or teasing me,
I might feel like they don't like me, which makes me feel sad and not good enough or I might feel like I'm being put
on the spot which makes me feel humiliated. And when we're talking about a covert narcissist;
Obviously anyone who would make fun of me or be mean to me has no idea who they're dealing with,
they are clearly too stupid to see how amazing I am, next.
As you can see, the behaviors are certainly similar,
but the internal reasons for those behaviors, the motivations behind those behaviors are from opposite ends of the spectrum.
So let's just clear this up and talk about what are the
characteristics of a highly sensitive person. A highly sensitive person is known to cry a lot, whether they're happier,
they're sad, the tears will flow. A highly sensitive person is known to be a problem solver.
They're the person
that
friends and family always come to to help them figure out how to solve the problem. Highly sensitive people tend to have really strong gut
instincts, intuition and those things usually turn out to be accurate. They sometimes have trouble sleeping at night
and so they end up having a touch of insomnia or they just
struggle to fall asleep at night, because their brain won't stop going, oh yeah, I guess that's me too.
They tend to be very worried about people around them, very concerned about people around them, very conscientious. A lot of times
this leads them to overdo it, to work too hard, kind of burn themselves out.
They tend to have less tolerance for things, like loud noises, bright lights, really strong perfumes, loud
environments, stressful environments, movies that stress them out, music that stresses them out, low tolerance for that stuff or no tolerance.
They tend to feel other people's emotions when they walk into the room.
They tend to be kind of empathic and this tends to affect them directly and personally they tend to enjoy alone time,
they need it, actually and a lot of times when they've been in really really social situations,
a lot of people around them, they need time to just be quiet. I literally can identify with all of those issues.
So I guess I'm one of the highly sensitive people that I'm talking about. I find it exhausting to be around people
who are highly stressful. I find it refreshing to be around people who are happy and enjoyable to be around.
Just remember this, being a highly sensitive person or an empath is not really like a bad thing, it's not a burden,
it's not a curse. If you embrace it and you work on being healthy and
whole, you'll get through this and it will make your life so much easier, so much better. See it as a blessing,
it might take some work and some processing, but once you understand how to
manage the gift of empathy or highly sensitive personality,
you might find that it's something you kind of like having, you can feel things other people can't feel, your mind might be more creative
or open or aware, you might be nicer than other people, you might be more artistic and creative
and while we're at it,
let's define covert narcissists. A covert narcissist is different from their more overt counterparts
and that they aren't so blatantly open with their self-centeredness. Your standard, out-there narcissist, the grandiose type,
they tend to be aggressive, self-important, they exploit people and they often have
extreme delusions of grandeur and extreme need for attention. More covert narcissists on the other hand,
they seem to sort of masquerade as introverts, like they're seemingly shy and prone to feelings of neglect or loneliness.
They seem to be hypersensitive. They're riddled by anxiety and in direct contrast to the overt narcissists,
they suffer from delusions of persecution.
What do you think?. This brings me to the question of the day.
The question of the day is; Do you think you're a highly sensitive person or an empath?
And do you understand why some people might confuse highly sensitive people with covert narcissists?. Have you ever yourself
wondered, am I the narcissist? Share your thoughts, share your ideas,
share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it. Before I go, I just want to say a quick
thank you to all of my channel members, you will see their names right here
and while I'm at it, I just want to say thanks to everyone who watches my videos, comments on my videos, shares my videos,
likes my videos, it really does help me to get my message out there.
It helps me to help even more survivors to discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships and that is my mission in life. So thank you,
it really does mean the world to me and thanks again to my amazing channel members, I really appreciate you.
As always, thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey,
thanks for letting me be a part of yours, it really does mean a lot to me.
Make sure you take a look at the videos
I'm leaving for you right there and right there and while you're here, hit that subscribe button so we can stay connected and continue on
this healing journey together. I'll see you soon.