- I made up a title for this.
You're the break-em-butch.
- That is good, can we trademark that?
- I think that maybe that's my new band name.
- Do you want to start a band? - Do you want to start a band?
- I feel like I've always been attracted
to people that have some sort of sideline passion.
I've dated lots of artists, lots of musicians,
or just people that have a really intense hobby.
I also always say that I like
masculine women and feminine boys.
The thing I appreciate most in a partner
is the ability to dice an onion very fine.
'Cause I don't like dicing onions.
- [Mei Lin] Do I have any hidden talents?
No!
I'm very, I love puzzles.
That would have to be the extent of my talent.
I'm just very, I think, left brain, right brain?
Whichever one's not the artistic one is what I am.
I don't have a creative bone in my body.
I'm very good at singing in the shower and in my car.
And I can dance a little.
In my car, but that's about it.
- Your name is Sal and this is your story.
You are 26 years old, for work you are a student.
You grew up in Oakland, California.
Your cultural or ethnic background is Filipino.
- So my name is Mei Lin, I am 26 years old.
For work I am a pharmacy technician.
I grew up in New Orleans.
And I am
Chinese slash mixed.
But yeah, mostly Asian.
Your name is Angela and this is your story.
You are 24 years old.
For work you are a cosmetologist.
You grew up in New Orleans.
And your cultural or ethnic background is Hispanic or mixed.
My name is Mary and I'm 28 years old.
And for work I'm a nanny.
And my cultural or ethnic background
is I'm a white Cajun girl.
- A white Cajun girl.
- Where'd you grow up in New Orleans?
- Originally Gentilly.
- Me too!
- Really? - Yeah, my whole life.
- After Katrina we moved to Mandeville.
- So did you finish school out there?
- Yeah, I went to SSA.
- Okay, cool.
That's so funny, I went to Cabrini.
- Really, I went to Dominican first.
And then I ended up going to SSA 'cause of Katrina.
- People are not gonna understand
this part of our conversation.
My thread of attraction has been pretty consistent traits
and it's never really been attached to a gender.
My parents when I've brought women home,
they want me to say to them,
"I am a gay woman now."
I'll never say that, I'll never say I'm a straight woman.
I say queer 'cause it's like a blanket term for me.
They drop little hints, like if I'm a dating a woman
they'll be like, "Well now that you're dating women now."
It's just obvious they want to give it a label.
They want to know what to tell their coworkers.
But I don't want to have that conversation
because then it instills that a conversation
has to be had and I don't think it does.
- Basically, my high school self was the typical
Catholic school girl who was raised very strictly.
I definitely acted out a lot, not a little bit.
I actually made straight A's my entire life
except for in conduct.
I don't know, I would consider myself a nerd
but like the cool kind of nerd.
I hate to say it, but I think I would
be kind of taken aback by who I've become.
Your DJ or band name
would be "There's Something About Mary."
One thing you love about yourself is your smile.
And if you were stuck on a desert island
and could only bring one album, one food item,
and one celebrity you would bring
any Prince album, you would bring tacos,
and you would bring Prince.
- My DJ or band name would be Trashy
because that was what my band was called.
- You had a band?
- Yes, I had a really bad punk band called Trashy.
I went through a stint in my early 20's
and early adolescence, basically like my teens,
where I only dated punk musicians.
Then when I was 24 or something I was like,
"Maybe I'm only dating musicians
"because I want to be a musician."
And so I was like, "I can do this, I can start a band."
It was really bad.
But people liked it!
- Really?
- We got asked to do a lot of shows.
We went on a small tour.
- Oh my god, do you have videos of this?
- There's no videos but we recorded
our debut album on my old iPhone.
It's still on Bandcamp so if you wanna--
- I will.
- Google that later.
- The one thing I love about myself
is that I'm very straightforward.
And then if I were stuck on a desert island
and I could only bring one album, one food item,
and one celebrity I would bring
Graceland by Paul Simon, that's my album.
I would bring bananas because they're my favorite food
and they're very nutritious.
And then one celebrity I split,
either I'd bring Ellen or I'd bring Will Smith.
Just because they both have such good attitudes
and I think being trapped with them and it being terrible,
they would make it better just by their presence.
Your DJ or band name would be DJ ML.
One think you love about yourself is your work ethic.
The one album you'd bring, I just wrote the word Paramore.
I don't actually know any of their albums.
I said you would bring tacos.
And then I said the celebrity you'd bring was Willie Nelson.
- Okay.
My DJ name would be DJ Mei, so that's close.
One thing I love about myself is my teeth, it's weird but.
And then if I was stuck on a desert island I would bring
Mumford and Sons.
I really like them, I don't know.
They just get me in a good mood.
I would bring, I really wanted to put tacos.
That's why I put it for yours.
But I picked pineapples, 'cause I just love pineapples.
And the one celebrity, although Ellen was a really good one,
I chose Emma Watson.
- Oh yeah, 'cause she's also got a really good attitude.
- Yeah.
- I like that you put tacos for me.
That was my thing, I didn't really know,
I think that probably a lot of people do this
where you just assume someone is like you.
I'm like yeah, tell me you like Willie Nelson too.
- I don't know why I didn't put Whitney Houston.
I would definitely get down to her.
- Would you bring her with you or would you listen to her?
- I would just listen to her. - Yeah.
- Yeah, I don't know, she might be too much for me.
- Yeah, I mean, I feel like she's been famous for so long
that maybe she can't build a fire.
- Honestly I'm still trying to find myself.
A lot of people tell me that I need to just not care
what other people think and I need to just go with the flow.
I sort of change by who I'm hanging out with.
So if I'm hanging out with someone who,
like my ex, per se, she wasn't really out to everyone
and so the majority of the time we couldn't
really go out into public and do things.
So that made me feel like I was back in the closet.
So it's almost like a restart
so now I'm just trying to rediscover myself
and figure out what I like and don't like.
And just what makes me happy, I guess.
- I don't believe there's such a thing as a soulmate.
I honestly, the older I get the more I realize
that a relationship is about,
do you wanna work it out with that person?
Am I willing to go through the crap with that person.
And if the answer is yes, then that might be your soulmate.
You believe the best way to learn
about a person is their family.
You do believe your life partner should be your best friend.
And your deal breakers in a relationship
are a mean, a cold person.
- So, you pretty much got them all.
I believe the best way to learn about a person
is just spending time with them.
And I do believe that my life partner
should be my best friend.
And my deal breakers in a relationship
is if they're still in the closet.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- You believe the best way to learn
about a person is over coffee.
- And you do believe your life partner
should be your best friend.
And your deal breakers in a relationship
is if they're boring or unadventurous.
- I think the best way to learn about
a person is their family.
I do not think my partner needs to be my best friend.
My deal breaker in a relationship
is somebody that has a lack of compassion or empathy.
Though boring people are definitely a no.
- Right?
- What were your deal breakers, I said mean and cold.
- If they're still in the closet.
- Oh, they're still in the closet.
That's not a problem I run into.
- Well, that's a problem I run into.
It's like, oh, we've been hanging out for a year.
Guess we're girlfriends, whatever.
- I'm the opposite.
I want my friends and my sweethearts to be separate.
- Really? - There's a line for me,
like they don't need to be my best friend.
I have a best friend.
My partner needs to be my partner which is, for me,
a totally different role, you know?
- I think it's because usually I go for girls
who are more feminine than I am.
More times than not, they are still in the closet
and I'm not necessarily an experiment to them
but like I said we become friends,
and then best friends, and--
- I made up a title for this.
- You're the break-em-butch.
You're the one that comes into their life
and makes them realize they wanna date women.
- No!
- Yeah, it's, it's.
I have dated a few of you actually.
It's a thing, straight girls are like,
oh, this girls kinda like a boy
and she's got boy style, I could do this.
And then they don't want to tell anyone!
And then they're all insecure about it.
You don't think that's a thing?
- No, I do think that's a thing because I was that thing.
I would not consider myself--
- Honestly, and I just say break-em-butch
'cause it's got B's but.
I've done it, I've done it and I'm very feminine.
It's just a blanket gay term I've made up.
- That is good, can we trademark that?
- I think that maybe that's my new band name.
- Do you wanna start a band? - Do you wanna start a band?
- Mary, when I first saw you, I said that I would date you.
And now that I've gotten to know you,
I still would date you and get to know you.
- Smiley face.
- Oh yeah, a little smiley face.
- Mei Lin, when I first saw you,
I said that I would date you.
And now that I've gotten to know you
I said that I would not date you.
- Oh, that's fine.
- Yeah, I feel like
you're amazing and you're someone
that I'm 100% attracted to.
Like when I walked up I was like,
"Oh yeah, this is someone I would definitely
"be seen on a date with."
But I feel like we're totally in different places.
- Yeah?
- I read you as you're a little bit
younger than me and I can feel it.
I also just feel like I'm too much for you.
- Too much?
- I'm like a bit much.
- Okay, I mean I guess.
Like I would still love to get to know you.
- Yeah.
- For sure, like I think the word date is--
- It's kind of intimidating.
- Yeah, yeah.
But I mean,
I would still love to get to know you and hang out.
- I think that we vibe really well.
- Yeah, we'd probably fuck some shit up.
- We probably would have a really good time.
- Yes.
- I agree.
She guessed that I needed my partner to be my best friend
and I just do not at all.
And I think that was a big dividing line for me.
Answering that question I was like,
okay yeah, this is like,
I come from a totally different level of experience
in relationships and I think that
that's a big dividing point.
- When I first saw that she decided
that she would but then wouldn't it really,
I mean it didn't shock me in the sense where,
like that's okay, we don't know each other still.
I would love to still hang out with her
and get to know her but in my eyes
I can only date my friend first or my best friend.
I mean, it didn't really hurt.
But I was a little shocked but it was fine.
- She's at a totally different place in her life than me.
Mei Lin in four years is probably my ideal partner.
For right now, she's got some more mistakes
and living to do.
That brink, you know, she's losing her parent's
health insurance and going into the world.
Yo, Mae Line, four years from now.
We're gonna start that band, break-em-Butch.
It's crazy that we're both from Gentilly.
- I know, that is really weird.
- Yeah. - Wait, we have to walk.
- Let's figure out more that we have in common.
- Yeah.
♪ Soul Pancake ♪
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I can't believe I just said that.
Thank you, bye.