Let me know if this sounds familiar: In a family gathering, your cousin asked you what
you do.
You respond with enthusiasm, “ I just got a job offer as a Social Media Assistant.”
you said.
Little did you know, instead of being happy for you, he replies "Oh, Social Media Assistant,
a job everyone can do right?
I guess not everyone can get an engineer position at a Fortune 500 company as I did."
And he keeps on talking about how awesome He is for hours non-stop until everyone around
him is bored to death.
Then you start wondering, why people do that?
Hi, I am Shao, Welcome to what people also ask, where I search something seemingly obvious on Google
and share with you some of its PAAs, aka People Also Ask, which is a feature telling you what
other people are searching on Google that relates to your query.
Today's keyword is bragging.
We will talk about why people brag, is it okay to brag, and most importantly, how to
deal with your bragging relative in a family gathering.
So let's start with our first PAA: Why do people brag?
The answer is extracted from an article titled"The Psychology of Bragging" published by Counselling
Connection, which is the official blog of the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors,
which is an organization providing education in counseling.
According to this article, when people shared information about themselves, the same areas
of the brain activated as those that light up when we are eating food or having sex!
By the way, This article did not do a very good job revealing the source of this information
but I believe they are referring to research published in Proceedings of the National Academy
of Sciences in 2012 titled "Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding"
So here you go, people are bragging because it feels good, not surprising at all.
But I think the real question here is why they don't know they are annoying while they
are doing so?
Irene Scopelliti, a behavioral scientist, and her colleagues at the City University
of London exploring this issue in a 2015 research published in the journal Psychological Science
where they asked subjects to provide a profile about themselves.
Profile writers were asked to rate how interesting they believed their profiles would appear
to others.
Profile “raters” , on the other hand, then read the profiles and rated them on how interesting they were.
The findings showed that there was zero correlation between the profile providers’ predictions
and how much the raters did like the profiles.
The profile writer significantly overpredicts how interesting their profiles are in the
eyes of others.
So your annoying relatives likely do not know how boring and annoying they are when they
are bragging, they might even be thinking they are sharing something very interesting
and you should appreciate it.
Isn't it scary?
Fortunately, this article also shared a lot of tips to stop them, I will put the link
in the description, but the following is my favorite: Boast about yourself, then self-correct,
as if suddenly realizing how bad it sounds.
Like: “Oh, excuse me; I guess I’ve been bragging, and it’s probably better if we
don’t do that; it only makes others feel bad”.
Braggers make people cringe, but you know what?
Those braggers are actually not as confident about themselves as they make it out to be.
Let's talk about our next PAA: Are people who brag a lot insecure?
The PAA answered by an article titled "4 Signs That Someone Is Insecure" published by Psychology
Today which is a media organization with a focus on psychology and human behavior.
In this article, the author Dr.Susan Whitbourne who is a Professor Emerita of Psychological
and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst points out that insecure people are
more likely to brag because:
1.They are bragging to convince themselves that they really do have worth.
2.They try to make you feel insecure yourself.
So they can project their insecurities onto you.
For those who don't know, Psychological projection is a common defense mechanism that involves
projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to
or dealing with the unwanted feelings yourself.
Obviously, you don't want to be one of those annoying people, but is bragging always bad?
Let's talk about our next PAA: Is bragging good or bad?
Answered by Wall Street Journal's article titled "When Is It OK to Brag?"
This article cited research published in Social Psychology in 2016.
The results found Braggarts are viewed as more competent but less moral than people
who remain humble, except if their bragging is unsubstantiated.
In that case, they are seen as not only less competent but also immoral.
People who don’t brag, on the other hand, are seen as moral but incompetent.
The takeaway?
Ask yourself this question: ‘In this situation do I care more about being seen as competent
or likable?
And do I have evidence to back up what I am about to brag if I chose to brag?’
If you’re on a job interview, and you have all the real certifications, portfolios, and
real projects you have done, then of course you should brag a little bit.
But if you’re on a date and you know the person you are dating values kindness, it is better
to be modest.
And never brag about something that is not real, because you will end up being perceived
as not only immoral but also incompetent.
Okay, so there are situations that you should/can brag and situations you shouldn't brag.
Let's talk about how to do each of them with our next two PAA, let's start with the first
one: How can we overcome show-off nature?
The answer to this question is extracted from an article titled "Showing off?
Why we do it & how to stop" published by Nathawat Brothers which a website providing self-improvement
advices.
According to this article, there is one situation that we shouldn't brag: when we are bragging
to make other people feel Jealous.
And the best way to stop doing it is to be conscious about yourself's bragging behavior
by asking yourself two questions whenever you think you might start to brag : Question
1: Why are you doing it?
Question 2: Does it help you present yourself at best.
If the answer to these questions is: I am doing it to make other people feel bad or
Jealous.
Then you know you should't brag.
Okay, so the above is the advice when you think bragging might not be a good idea.
But as we have established, there are situations you should brag.
But how do you brag in a socially acceptable way?
The answer is extracted from an article titled "7 Ways To Talk About Your Accomplishments
Without Sounding Like A Braggart" published by Forbes written by Psychotherapist Amy Morin.
She provides 7 advices:
1.Keep The Emphasis On Your Hard Work And avoid saying something like, “Oh that was easy,”
or “I barely tried,” because it sounds arrogant.
2.Don't Belittle Other People
If you crossed the marathon finish line in the first place,
it’s OK to say you were first.
But don’t add that the second-place finisher was a mile behind you.
3.Give Credit Where It’s Due
Like one of my coworkers, whenever he accomplished something,
he always says " It's team's effort too."
4.Stick To The Facts
Rather than saying, “I’m an excellent leader,” say, “Since last
month(which happened to be the time you took over the team), sales have doubled.”
and let themselves determine who made that happen.
5.Express Gratitude
Like when you accomplished something at your company, you can say“I
am so grateful that the company gave me this opportunity,” alongside what you have accomplished.
6.Don’t Add A Qualifier
Saying, “I hate to brag, but…” doesn’t excuse showing off.
In fact, it only draws attention to the fact you know what you’re about to say maybe
a turn-off, but you’re saying it anyway.
You should just say something like “I’m so excited to share my good news,”
or, “I’m happy to announce…” before you tout your accomplishment.
7.Avoid The Humble-Bragging
For those who don't know, Humblebrag is a self-deprecating statement
with the actual intention of drawing attention to something you are proud of.
Never say, “I am so embarrassed I let my Lamborghini get this dirty”.
Because not only people know it's obviously bragging.
Studies show humble-bragging makes people sound insincere.
Today we learned that there are situations you should brag as well as the situations
you shouldn't.
Exessive braggers are usually insecure about themselves.
We also learned some tips to brag as well as some tips to not brag.
If you made it to the end of the video, chances are that you enjoy learning what people also
ask on Google.
But let's face it, reading PAA yourself will be a pain.
So here's the deal, I will do the reading for you and upload a video compiling some
fun PAAs once a week, all you have to do is to hit the subscribe button and the bell icon
so you won't miss any PAA report that I compile.
So just do it right now.
Bye!