Hi guys welcome to another mindful motherhood Monday if you knew my name is
Ysis I have a three-year-old and a one-year-old and I do these videos every
Monday at 7 p.m. today's topic is all about building a
respectful relationship with our children and there is one particular
phrase that made me think about this topic usually my mindful motherhood
Monday topics are things that I've been thinking about throughout the week or
about something that popped into my head and developed into a topic and this one
was no different and the thing that popped into my mind was the phrase that
some parents including me have said before which is mummy is sad because you
did this and this said thing is something very trivial like not eating
your food or not cleaning your teeth just generally not doing day-to-day
things that we want our kids to do and that kind of language made me think
about is that the sort of language that builds a respectful relationship with my
children and it's not something I do often I don't use that sort of language
often but I have used it before and it's caused me to think about that kind of
wording and a way in which I could phrase that and that would be more
respectful towards my children so this is what I want to talk about with you
guys today and as always please comment below with your thoughts on this subject
and let's get the conversation going
so when we say things like mummy will be sad if you don't eat your meal or mummy
is sad because you didn't clean your teeth although we don't mean it it's
kind of guilt tripping our children into doing what we want them to do in order
to please us and to get our love when really their actions are not about us
they're not about our feelings eating their food is not about making mummy
happy so I started thinking about this subject and I'd love to know if you
agree with me on this when we associate our child's behavior to the loss of our
love we're not teaching them to behave better we are manipulating them as harsh
as it sounds that's what we're doing by saying mummy will be sad if you don't
eat your food it's a manipulative way of getting our
children to do what we need them to do or what we want them to do and we're not
telling them the reasons why they should be doing it
we're simply given them an emotional reason that belongs to us for them to
fulfill which is not their job if our love and affection are at stake for them
our children might feel worse or even hide their actions because they're
afraid of disappointing us and I feel that what we actually need is for our
children to learn to behave better for the right reasons and not to please us
to keep us happy I know the stresses of day-to-day life sometimes prevent us
from acting how we want to act and to be the parents that we want to be and trust
me I've been there a hundred thousand times when I know that being a more
patient mum would probably be better in that situation but I'm so stressed and
tired that I end up snapping at my children so it's not an easy habit to
break if you're used to saying those things and it doesn't make you a bad
parent this is just something to think about and maybe when you're actually
doing something consciously and you remember that that action is not about
you and attaching your feelings your emotions to your child's behavior
doesn't teach your child anything about behaving better it just teaches them
about not disappointing mummy I think there's a big difference between
saying mummy is sad because you hit your sister because that's actually
emotionally how you felt so you just relay in your feelings but
if you say that you're sad because your child didn't have a bath or because they
didn't finish their food or because they didn't want to clean their teeth that is
not how you feel about that situation that is simply a way for us to control
their behavior and change the outcome to something that we want to happen so this
is a little bit of food for thought and I know that I have been a bit more
mindful about saying these things or even letting these things slip and not
even realizing and thinking about what I'm saying how I'm conveying that
message to my child is it in a positive way is it something that they will
actually learn from me or is it me just asserting my authority because I'm mummy
so what do you think about this how do you think they're changing the way that
you speak to your children and the language that you use helps you build a
more respectful relationship with your children have you caught yourself saying
any of these things and if you have how do you feel about it now that you've had
a little bit of time to think about it I hope you enjoyed this video please give
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you're feeling reflective today and you want to watch some more mindful
motherhood videos I'll leave a playlist linked in the description box below I
hope you're all doing well and I'll see you all in my next video bye