- Yeah. - Oh!
- What is that? - She's so focused.
- [Counselor] Where's the wind coming from?
(music blaring) (counselors chattering)
(counselor laughing)
- [Counselor] Look at that.
(counselors shouting) (music blaring)
(counselor laughing)
- Wait, Becky, where you going?
Come on, don't be like that.
Are you?
Are you fucking reading right now?
How are you so boring?
- Oh, I'm boring?
Could you be any more cliche?
- I don't know.
I don't technically remember what that word.
- Oh, it means you think these are gonna be
the best years of your life,
so you're gonna destroy your body with drugs and alcohol,
and then one day when you realize time is real,
you're gonna regret every decision you've ever made
and sink into an unfathomable depression
that will swallow you whole.
- Wanna make out?
- Ew.
(crickets chirping)
- Let me rephrase that.
Wanna make out?
Come on, Becks, when's the last time you cut loose?
- Fine.
I will make out with you for 20 minutes, but that's it.
All my clothes stay.
- Under shirt, over bra?
- Okay? - Hell yeah, brother.
Go, Badger Cabin. (grunts)
(eerie music)
(eerie music intensifies) (killer breathing heavily)
(music stops)
(second killer breathing heavily)
(eerie music) (killers breathing heavily)
- What are you doing here?
- It's my night.
- What are you talking about?
- Look, there's Thursday.
It's the full moon. It's my night.
- Tonight is the Crow Sabbath.
- Dude, that's like three weeks away.
- Bullshit! - No.
Come down here and I'll show you.
(dramatic music) - I'm right here.
(killer coughing)
Okay, show me, show me.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Got it right here.
(crickets chirping)
- Fuck.
Fuck.
God fucking dammit.
Fuck! Fuck!
- Did you even check your sched?
- Can you not say sched?
You sound like a dipshit.
- Okay, well,
someone's obviously in one of their moods tonight.
- Whatever, I'm going back to the cornfield.
Have fun.
- Hey, are you okay?
- I'm fine.
- Oh, this doesn't look like fine.
- Well, I am.
I'm fine. - Oh, okay, okay.
Let's reel it in, brother, okay?
You've been acting weird for weeks now
and now this, Mr. Structure, Mr. Crow Sabbath.
I mean, this is not like you.
- Yeah, well, maybe I'm not like me right now.
Maybe I'm...
It doesn't matter.
I'll see you tomorrow, you can tell me how it went.
- Bro, what's going on? - Nothing!
- Gregory Gladman, I'm your best friend
and I know when something's going on.
(crickets chirping)
- I don't know.
I just don't know if I'm super into this anymore.
- This what? - This lifestyle.
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know if this is what I want to do
with my like one wild and precious life anymore, you know?
- What does that even mean?
- I'm trying to figure out, Kevin!
- We've been doing this for over 50 years.
- I know, I know that.
And it's not like I have any regrets about it.
These have been some of the best 50 years of my life.
- This is your life, Camp Creek River.
You remember the summer of '83?
You sacrificed 16 souls to the Crow God that night.
- Of course I remember that.
It's an incredibly special memory for me.
But maybe I wanna start trying to create
new kinds of memories.
- Well, why the heck would you want to go
and do something like that?
This isn't just a work thing, is it?
- You're gonna gimme the business.
- I'm not gonna give you the business.
- Promise? - I promise.
- Pinky promise.
Stamp it.
- Gosh! (celestial music)
(sickle tapping)
- I met someone.
- Ugh, Greg-
- You said you wouldn't give me the business.
- I'm not. (sighs)
What's her name?
- Pauline.
- How'd you two even meet? - On the internet.
She's incredible, Kevin.
She's smart.
She's funny.
She like, gets me on like a cellular level.
She reminds me of.
- Oh?
- She reminds me of Tabitha.
- Oh, there it is.
Gregory, Tabitha and her friends left you for dead
in the cornfield after she pretended to like you.
- Ever heard a peer pressure, idiot?
We had a real connection.
- You shucked her skin off, Greg.
- Whatever, Pauline's different.
- [Kevin] They're always different.
- What is that supposed to mean?
(Kevin grunts)
Pauline's not like the others.
A, I've never met someone online before.
B, we chat for hours about things
that you couldn't even understand, like poems.
- (straining) Oh, wow.
So you're gonna meet her in real life?
- That's on the future to happen.
- You know, you're gonna have to shuck her skin off
and stuff her full of hay.
- Well, maybe knowing her in this capacity first
will humanize her enough so they don't have to shuck
and stuff her.
- You can't change your nature, dude.
- Nature is change, dude.
- Oh, so you're gonna,
you're gonna take her to the soda fountain,
one malt, two straws?
You're gonna give her your promise ring?
Hey, look, man, when the Swamp Hag cursed me
for stealing her daughter's virginity,
she gave me a destiny, just like the Crow God did for you.
That is not your life, this is.
- But is this a life?
I mean, what do we do?
Four months out of the year,
we chase a bunch of horny teenagers and wear their faces,
or suck their brains outta their eye sockets,
or make big tree structures outta their arms and legs,
or feed 'em to each other,
or sew the still alive ones to the dead ones
and leave them in the cornfield for the crows.
Or just cut 'em in half with a sort of top down situation.
Or we take their hearts out or we beat 'em to death
with each other's spines.
Or tie 'em up in a big naked ball
and roll it down the mountain.
And beyond that, what?
What do we do for the rest of the year, huh?
I sit in my cornfield alone.
And you sit in your swamp alone.
Is that it?
What is our purpose?
- Oh, hey, buddy, come on.
(Kevin huffing)
Think about, think about the best times you've had
in your life.
What are you doing in them?
- Murdering? - Yeah.
So do you think Pauline is gonna be cool
with you just going out and murdering?
- Maybe. - Oh, get real, hoss.
I have to imagine she's like a normal person,
which you most definitely are not.
You are a pagan, ritualistic serial killer.
It's never gonna work out.
- If you ask me, it sounds like you're kind of shaming him.
(both huffing)
(weapons clanging) (dramatic music)
Uh, you can drop the act.
I know what's going on.
- You know nothing, mortal child.
- Um, I know you don't really talk like that.
(killers grunting)
Are you making "Ki, ki, ki, ha, ha, ha" sounds?
- What? No, you're doing that.
- Oh, cheese on a pizza, how much did you hear?
- Since the thing about offering souls to the Crow God.
- Oh, son of a biscuit. - Fuck my ass.
- Actually, Greg.
Gregory.
- Greg is cool.
- Greg, I think Pauline sounds great
and you bring up some really salient points.
It sounds like you might have some
unresolved attachment stuff.
(Kevin scoffs) (dramatic music)
- Oh, whoa.
- How did you know that?
- I'm a psych major.
(bird calling)
There's obviously a lot of love here, but, Kevin.
Hi, Kevin, I'm Becky.
Kevin, what I'm getting from you
is an unwillingness to accept the fact
that your friend might be evolving in a way
that makes you feel threatened.
- Okay, this is boring.
I'm getting bored now. (dramatic music)
- Is that gonna make things go back to the way they were?
- It's gonna make me feel awesome.
- Has it ever made you feel awesome?
Has it ever filled the void?
- (scoffs) I don't have a void.
- Oh my God, you have the hugest void.
- Okay, hold on, Greg, let's give him some space to process.
Kevin, would you be willing to pause
and consider the possibility that Greg meeting someone
might arouse feelings of jealousy
or envy or even fear at confronting your own loneliness?
- Well, I'm not afraid of anything, okay?
I'm literally the Butcher of. - [Both] Black Mountain.
- Hmm.
When was the last time you came down from the mountain?
- Well, I can't, 'cause the Swamp Hag won't let me, so.
- Well, I'm not talking about
your physical body geographically,
I mean, your emotional body
or the pain body in a Tollean sense.
- Pain body. (Kevin scoffs)
- When was the last time you entered into the world,
saw a real connection? - Never.
- Oh, kick rocks, Greg.
- Look, the only reason that you-
- Hey, Greg,
"I feel."
- I feel that the only reason you're not afraid
of anything is because you've structured your life
so as to completely avoid the unknown.
- Wow.
- Kevin?
- I could eat your whole head.
- Right, but can, can you eat as it were,
the truth of what your friend is saying?
Can you digest it?
Can you really take it in?
- Why don't I take in your stupid face in my buttonhole?
- Okay, you're deflecting.
Kevin.
Kevin, look at me.
You've reached a crossroads in this relationship.
You can either sit down stubbornly
in the middle of the road, head back the way you came alone,
or head toward a possibly dazzling new horizon
with your beloved friend.
(crickets chirping)
(machete clatters)
(Kevin sobs)
- I'm ugly.
Oh God. (sobs)
- What? What do I do?
(Kevin sobbing)
Oh, okay, okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey. (Kevin sobbing)
Shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh. (Kevin sobbing)
No, no, no, no.
Hey, I'm ugly too.
No, no, no. (Kevin sobbing)
That doesn't have to mean that we can't live beautifully.
Maybe there's another, gentler road to travel.
Maybe we can-(shotgun blasts)
(Kevin grunts) (Kevin thuds)
- Becks, you okay?
- Are you fucking kidding me?
That was like the most beautiful moment I've ever seen.
- No, wait, hey were gonna kill you.
- No, they were not.
They were changing.
It was happening.
They were shattering a paradigm.
- Holy fuck.
I've never shot a gun before.
The barrel is so hot. (suspenseful music)
I'm so turned on right now.
Let's fuck. - Get away from me!
- Come on, I'm a hero now.
Let's fuck! (Becky grunting)
Come on.
(machete thuds) (dramatic music)
- You are not a hero. (machete whacks)
You are nothing.
Nothing.
You're just a second string lacrosse player,
who's probably gonna date rape some college girl,
and then get acquitted and then become a politician.
You piece of fuck!
You camp counselor!
I am doing the world a favor!
I am doing the world my favor!
(dramatic music) (Becky huffing)
(Greg and Kevin groaning)
- [Kevin] Aw, man.
It's like 1983 all over again.
- Oh dear. (Becky panting)
Becky, uh, are you okay?
- I liked it.
- [Killers] What?
- Fuck it, I like it, I loved it.
(Becky breathing heavily)
I feel like an archangel.
Do I have wings?
Do I have huge burning wings?
- Heck yeah, you do!
- T.O.
- Is this how you guys feel all the time?
- Pretty much. - I'm in.
- Becky, why don't we wait a minute and-
- Can it, pussy.
You guys wanna get the rest of the counselors?
- [Kevin] You bet your bottom.
- Woo!
It's fuck time, my babies!
- I love this chick.
(dramatic music) - What'd you call me?
- Uh, I love the strong and autonomous woman
with agency.
- That's right.
And don't you forget it
or I'll make you my dirty little dog ass prison dog,
dog yard bitch!
Now let's roll.
(crickets chirping)
- Yes, ma'am.
(Greg sighs) (crickets chirping)
- Hey, guys, wait up.
(crickets chirping)
(counselors screaming) (weapons whacking)
- [Counselor] No!
(counselors screaming) (counselors shouting)