- Touch me again, sir!
And I'll complain to your manager.
I'll get you deported!
I'll get you deported back to your own country.
I know you're not from here.
It's not racist if I say it
because I know you're not from here.
(Laughter)
- You told me you're not from here!
You told me.
You told me you're from where the picture is from.
(Nigel Laughing)
I've become friends with, like, all the waiters
at the Chinese restaurant below me.
- I thought you were going to say,
I started going out in a lot of dates.
(Evelyn Laughing)
But, Evelyn came with, I made friends with the people
that are the closest people to me.
I see them twice a day when I order food from them.
(Evelyn Laughing)
- Yeah, basically.
I'm now friends with, like, asian uncles in their fifties,
working in the Chinese restaurant.
- [Nigel] That's the energy you give off. You know.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
I don't know if they want to marry me or
if they want to father me.
- [Nigel] They probably want their children to marry you.
- Yeah, that's nice. That's very nice.
- What do you guys talk about?
What's the topic du jour for fifty year old.
- It's very asian uncle. It's very like,
oh, what are you doing here?
What are you working with?
How long have you lived here?
And they're very impressed that I live that centrally
because I live right above that restaurant.
So, they're like, oh okay.
So now, it's like, they know me by my Chinese name as well.
- Oh, say it for our listeners.
- My Chinese name is Mok Yue Ling or Mo Yue Ling.
Um, but my nickname is Ling Ling.
And, so I booked a table there the other day for me
and my housemates, where we're like having a reunion dinner.
And, I was like, oh yeah, like uh,
can I get a table for six for Ling Ling?
And they're like,
oh, it's you from upstairs!
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah...
(Nigel laughing)
So now, they call me Ling Ling.
And now, they did it in front of my white friends.
And now, they,
all my white friends make fun of me because, it's like,
Ling Ling is so basic. It's like the name that people use
to make fun of Chinese people with. That's my name.
Like, that's my actual name.
- You've lived under the white gaze for too long,
when you say Ling Ling, and I'm like, yup.
It didn't even occur to me
that white people will make fun of you for that.
- But, it's really fun though.
I feel really great about being friends with them,
because it's like, I walk past there a lot because
I go to the store and stuff.
And then, they are always like,
hey, hey! What are you doing today?
(Evelyn laughing)
I'm like, yeah, yeah.
They're like, you gonna come down?
I'm like, yeah, yeah, sure.
- Do you eat in the restaurant or
do you make them deliver it to you?
Because that's the ultimate
(Both laughing)
diva move.
- Yeah, I know.
- Hey, it's Ling Ling from upstairs.
- Can you come up now!
(Laughter)
- Can you send me
the starter, main and dessert in three trips?
- Oh, oh, actually, one of them I think likes me too much,
because he just like, one day.
I don't know if this is like, you know,
innocent asian uncle thing but he stood too close and
he touched me, a little too long.
Like this. - [Nigel] Hm.
- And I was like, this is making me so uncomfortable.
- Listen.
- That's why I shunned him a little bit.
And it's awkward now.
It's awkward now between us.
- Can we flashback to last week?
Shwing!
(Melodic Harp)
- And so, you know, these things come out.
And then, like, I'm talking to people and I'm like,
whoa, I had no idea.
And then they're like, yeah,
everybody knew. Like he hit on everybody.
And again, I'm like,
he never hit on me! - [Nigel] Yeah.
- What's wrong with me?!
(Nigel Chuckling)
(Melodic Harp)
- That was you last week!
- That was a joke!
- Oh!
Do you want to be touched or not?!
- Not by him! - What do you want?
- Not by him!
Not by a fifty year old asian uncle!
- Listen, if you know how to prepare duck,
you have the most tender hands, you know.
He's been cutting, chopping up duck.
And crispy pork belly.
Sichuan cuisine, so it's too spicy.
So, it would be too spicy.
It would hurt.
(Evelyn laughing)
- Where is he touching you? At the restaurant.
Where is he touching you? - No, just my arm.
Just my arm. - Oh.
- And I'm like,
this is too overly familiar. Please, it's weird.
- Some asian uncles are just a bit touchy, okay.
- No but, that's not good!
That's not good.
- Okay then, go 'me too' him, then!
Go 'me too' the asian uncle in the restaurant.
- I just ignored him.
(Both Laugh)
- Go tweet about him.
- I'm friends with all the other ones.
But I've ignored him.
I get a weird vibe of him.
- You think he's single or married?
- I think he's single. I don't see ring.
(Evelyn Wheezes)
- They can't wear rings in the restaurant, it'd be like,
it's not hygienic.
- Oh, I don't know actually.
- Maybe he's not getting a lot of action from his wife.
Can you blame him?
- Yes, I can blame him!
Yes!
Go take out your sexual frustrations on women, please.
- Okay,
is there any level of acceptable touching in a restaurant?
- No! Not by the people who work there!
If they,
don't touch your customers!
Why would you touch your customers?
- On the shoulder, you know!
Hey! Good to see you!
- No! That's not, I don't think it's okay.
- Some restaurants do that to me.
I'm like, hey good to see you!
Good to see you!
And then, just you know.
(Patting) We're buddies.
- Well, it's because you're a dude.
So, you don't feel,
you're like, okay, you don't feel weird about it?
- Yeah.
- As a woman, I feel very strange on that.
- Okay, I get it, I get it.
Don't touch Evelyn. Don't touch Ling Ling.
(Evelyn Chuckles)
She buys her Chinese food. - Don't touch Ling Ling.
- Yeah.
Don't touch Ling Ling!
Nobody touch her for eight year!
Don't start! Don't start!
(Both Laughing)
Maybe he listens to the podcast and he's like,
yeah, nobody has touched her for eight years.
Let me show some fatherly vibes!
- Please, Nigel!
- Do you think they listen to the podcast?
- No. That'd be really funny if they played the podcast.
Actually, you should go with me,
they would recognize you, I think.
- I would!
- Then he can touch you, I'll get to say,
touch Uncle Roger.
- Let's see if he touches me like he touches you.
- Yeah, yeah, let's see.
- Because if he touches me the same way,
then he's just being friendly.
- Yeah but, also stop it, stop it!
Don't touch women!
- I'll go to a restaurant with you,
and then, all you see the asian uncles touch,
oh, I want to see the asian uncles touch the
entitled white women, you know.
The Karen types, see what they say, you know, oh!
- They know that they can't get away with it.
So, that's why they don't do it.
That's why they do it to me.
That's why they do it to Ling Ling.
(Evelyn Laughing)
- You need to get some Karen energy into you, you know.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah! I need to.
- Touch me again, sir!
And I'll complain to your manager.
I'll get you deported!
I'll get you deported back to your own country.
I know you're not from here.
It's not racist if I say it
because I know you're not from here.
(Laughter)
You told me you're not from here!
You told me.
You told me you're from where the picture is from.
(Nigel Laughing)
That's awful.
- It's not racist if you say it, you know.
- Of course, it is!
- Touch me again, and I'll send you back where I'm from!
(Both Laughing)
- Where my father left!
So, I could have it better!
I know how bad it is there!
You don't wanna go back there.
- Listen, I'd rather much be sent to
Hong Kong than Gothenburg though.
(Laughter)
- Yeah, that's true,
- That's true isn't it?!
Wait, don't send me to where you're from, please!
I don't want to be a refugee in Gothenburg.