My name is Nadine and this is how i found the truth my mom is American my dad is middle eastern
i grew up the youngest of four kids growing up in Jordan i remember in school you know our teachers
would have us write verses from the quran i just remember writing it over and over again and not
really like knowing what i was supposed to be feeling because i felt nothing and there was a
curiosity there there were questions but the questions weren't being answered forgiveness
wasn't around the house i mean especially with my parents you know they would be getting arguments
and fight and then hold those grudges against each other that next day and as kids you know you can
sense it you pick up on those things and and you see okay well they're not forgiving each other
like why do i have to forgive anyone that does anything to me with my dad you know his alcoholism
it was hard to see him at night when he would get so drunk when he would just stumble when he would
mumble his words and when he wasn't drinking our relationship was fine it was great i was a little
baby he took care of me but then when he started drinking things just started changing because the
next day he was so normal and back to normal and loving me i never felt like i had to completely
forgive him but there was an anger that i held an anger that i didn't even know that was there
and so my mom had convinced my dad for us kids to move to America with my mom
once we moved to America that's when i started hearing about Jesus just sparked curiosity you
know who is Jesus and why are all these kids talking about him and i had made a friend and
she would take me to church the experience that i had with allah seemed so just like closed off
and so scary and then when i went to church you know i was curious as to why these people were so
happy and and seemed so loving and so excited at one point i learned the lord's prayer started to
pray that every single night along with the muslim prayer so i was praying two different prayers to
two different gods i just was confused i didn't know what was going on but i was very curious
about Jesus and um you know in all those years i was just trying to find out what was real what
was true and you know throughout my experience in elementary school and middle school and high
school i had friends who would start talking about Jesus to me and i i would shut it down right away
you know i was curious but then whenever they would start talking about Jesus i just
felt like i was i just felt like my dad would not be proud of me
what kind of i was stuck in my mind was my dad saying you're muslim you are that's just who
you are so i look back now and i see all those times that god was trying to get in
and i just shut it down right away and with my mom when we had moved to America she moved
with us four kids just her as a single parent and my dad stayed in Jordan she all of a sudden
had a sense of freedom that she hadn't had while living in a muslim country and so you know there
would be days where she wouldn't you know be at the house my siblings and i just kind of had to
you know fend for ourselves and you know it's my mama and my siblings took care of me
i held a lot of resentment because i didn't know why she was leaving us
i just felt such a shame why would she leave me why what did i do you know as a kid what did i do
like i'll change i'll do whatever i can to stay home
and you know fast forward to college freshman year i met a boy you know he just hung out for a couple
weeks and then he invited me to go to church and i remember the first service just so clearly i
can see it people are standing they're worshiping and it's just so so uncomfortable but i remember
like sitting down and just my my throat just started closing and i was trying to hold back
tears i was drawn trying to hold back every emotion that i could but Jesus was just drawing it
all out the pastor was talking about forgiveness sin and it was in such a positive light it was
just in a way that i had never heard forgiveness talked about before there were so many past
traumas and pains that i had been hanging on to what really really hit me was forgiveness
with my mom Jesus can forgive our sins and you know i could forgive her and after that our
relationship did start to heal it started to mend my sister had done
um a bible study with her it's her now husband's grandma so i reached out to her and i asked if
she would do bible studies with me just one on one she was so incredibly patient with me i mean
with everything with every question that i had you know no question was dumb no question was
just like why would you ask that it's she explained every single question
during those bible studies i was you know i was learning about Jesus i was learning you
know all the love that he had for us but i didn't i wasn't necessarily i guess taking it and using
it in my life and i was still confused i was still saying my two separate prayers the muslim
prayer and the lord's prayer all through my life there seemed to be a common theme of
trying to find fulfillment in others and i didn't have fulfillment in Jesus and so
i was seeking it in others i was seeking in you know anything my boyfriend who i'd been with the
one that took me to church you know we had been talking and it was just an emotional talk and
i just remember saying i was like i just i feel like i'm not getting enough i'm just not getting
enough from you i don't have enough i need more i need more and he just looked up at me and he
said you know i i can't feel that hole for you and i just remember feeling so confused you know
i i didn't know why and i remember leaving his house and i walked home and i was crying
i went to my room i slammed the door i jumped on my bed and i grabbed my bible i just opened it up
and i just started reading and during that time is when i it hit me you know it hit me that i was
trying to find fulfillment in him and he wasn't going to give me that fulfillment and he knew
that and i was just starting to learn that and as harsh as that moment might have been as emotional
as hurtful as it felt i'm so glad it happened i'm so glad he said that i needed that i needed
someone to say that to me and you know that was the moment that i surrendered my life to Christ
the days after that just my life started to change i started to you know learn to forgive
my mom learn to forgive my dad and stop trying to seek that fulfillment in others
that next summer i got baptized at the church that he had invited me to once i gave my life
to Jesus you know it started to i started to see these th that the fears starting to dissipate and
the anxiousness starting to dissipate and my trust in the lord has just grown so much for
someone who is still in islam i would say listen to those thoughts and questions that are happening
in your mind don't think that just because you were born into islam that you have to stay there
my dad he would always say you know you're muslim you're muslim and i told myself like okay yes i am
i'm gonna stop every opportunity that there is anyone who tries to talk about Jesus i'm gonna
stop them i'm gonna stop them and once i finally let that one person in who introduced Jesus to me
you know my whole entire life changed really just go for it you know act upon those thoughts and
questions that you have because you know once you have Jesus in your life it just changes everything