Did you know that there are multiple types of infidelity? Sometimes it
includes sex, but oftentimes it doesn't. And sometimes it's more about a deep
emotional attachment and bonding, and then other times it's not. And what makes
it even more difficult to identify the types of infidelity is that everyone can
define infidelity differently. What one person sees as being unfaithful, someone
else may not. Hi, I'm Kimberly Holmes and I'm the CEO of Marriage Helper, and at
Marriage Helper, we are probably one of the largest organizations that works
with affairs on a day to day basis. No, we aren't counselors or divorce lawyers, but
we work with and impact hundreds of thousands of marriages a year, the
majority of which have been marriages that are impacted by infidelity. We
work with the real-life situations of people who have experienced infidelity
in their marriage, whether the person having the affair is the one we're
working with or the person whose spouse is having the affair, and in this video
I'm going to explain to you the most commonly cited types of affairs
according to research, and one type of infidelity that you may not even be
aware of. But before I do, be sure to subscribe below. Hit the bell so that you
will get notified every time we've released new content and material, and
you'll be notified every time we go live and have a live show. We do a lot of
awesome things around here so be sure to subscribe. Alright, so let's get into it.
According to the research, most types of infidelity stem from three main
biological needs that people have in a relationship. There's the sexual need, the
physical need, and the emotional need. So, the first type of infidelity is sexual
infidelity. As the name States, this type of infidelity is all about sex. It might
be a one-night stand or many different one-night stands, or a long-term physical
only relationship that a person is having, but this type of infidelity stems
from the desire for sex. It's not about creating a relationship or a friendship
or a companionship; it really is only about the sex. The second type of
infidelity is emotional infidelity. This type of infidelity is
more about the emotional and relational connection between two people rather
than the physical connection. It's called limerence and it's more
common than you might think. We have a ton of videos specifically about
limerence, so look in the show notes and see the link to some of those or click
on the screen to save videos to watch after you watch this one that will tell
you more about limerence. Again, hit that bell below so that you can subscribe and
see all of the videos that we come out with, including the ones about limerence. Now,
limerence is different than just a sexual relationship and so you should
not attribute an affair that is going on, whether it's one you're having or that
your spouse is having, that's deeply relational and deeply companionative, to
the same as a sexual affair. If there's a solely sexual affair, it's a very
different than one that involves the relationship aspect of it and you handle
them in different ways, and in just a minute I'm gonna give you a tip on how
we can help you identify what kind of affair has happened in your marriage and
what you can do about it. The third type of infidelity is the combination of both.
It's the sexual and emotional infidelity because emotional infidelity like we
talked about before does not have to be sexual, but it can become sexual,
especially as the relationship develops, the friendship bonds, that companionship
happens. It can lead to becoming a sexual relationship, and when the two of those
are combined then it is probably the strongest type of infidelity of the
three because it combines all of those strongest biological drives that we have.
The drive for sex, the drive for romance, that deep companionship connection, and
it can be very difficult to end those or to move past them. There's other types of
affairs that fit into combinations of these like open marriages, swinging, going
to sex clubs, having loud Affairs, wife-swapping; and then there's the
lesser-known or acknowledged infidelity of pornography. There are some people who
don't see that as a type of infidelity because it's not
real so to say, but then there's others who have been affected by either
themselves having watched pornography or their spouse watching pornography. And
they know very well the hurt betrayal and pain that still comes from
pornography because if we look at the word infidelity it's all about breaking
the vow, breaking the Covenant, being unfaithful; so, whether it's in mind, body,
or spirit, if there's that want or desire or thought of unfaithfulness, it can be
just as devastating as the actual act in and of itself. But what one person
considers to be infidelity may not seem like infidelity to someone else.
One person may think that holding hands isn't cheating because it's not kissing
or having sex and some may not think that looking at porn is a form of
cheating since it isn't real; and then there's some who may think that having
an inappropriate emotional relationship isn't an affair because there's nothing
physical. They're just really good friends so maybe the question behind the
question here has more to do with this: do you feel like there has been a breach
of trust in your relationship? Do you feel like someone has crossed the line
and is it hurting your marriage? And the even bigger question that would make a
huge difference to the future of your marriage is this: what is the motivation
behind the infidelity? Was it to seek something out that they wanted? Like the
thrill of being involved in a sex club? Or were they looking for a deep
companionship that they didn't feel like they had in the marriage that came from
having that emotional infidelity? Or was it because they were at the wrong place
at the wrong time and ended up falling into temptation? All three of these
motivations and circumstances that can end up in a type of infidelity are all
very different and so they shouldn't all be treated the same. If there has been
infidelity, remember this the infidelity is rarely the issue in the marriage. Hear
me clearly, the infidelity is definitely an issue in the marriage and a big one,
but more times than not there's something else that has been going on
that is really the core issue of what's going on and the
infidelity just happens to be a symptom. So, if you feel like there has been
infidelity, a breaking of trust or the vow, and that your spouse may be having a
sexual physical or emotional relationship with someone else, it does
not have to be the end of your relationship. We have an affair
assessment that you can take and it will help you figure out what kind of
infidelity has it been and what should you do in order to move forward in your
marriage. You can find the link to take that below.
Or, if you are the one who has been having a sexual physical or emotional
relationship or combination thereof with someone else and you don't know what to
do next, then we can help you as well. Take that same a fair assessment below
and we'll guide you to what you can do to figure out where to go from here. At
Marriage Helper, we exist to help you in your marriage no matter what has
happened and whatever type of infidelity might have affected you or your marriage,
it doesn't scare us away. We are here to help and we believe that there's hope
for you, for your future, and for your marriage. We have workshops, online
courses, and coaching that are available to you wherever you are in your marriage
and wherever you are in the world. You can call our office at 866-
903-0990 and you can visit us online at marriagehelper
.com to find out more about how we can help you. And remember to subscribe below.
Hit that bell and we'll see you next time.