- Look, they're trying to fly!
(ducks quacking)
- National Geographic, Dad.
- It's great!
- Him with those ducks.
- We are a family...
And even in this fucked up day and age that means something.
- Grandma just called. Started crying and hung up.
- She needs a purpose in life.
- Your mother is tougher than you think.
- So. What no, fucking ziti now?
- Ooh.
- Oh!
(Grunts)
and everybody thought dad was the rootless one,
but I got to hand it to you,
If you'd been born after those feminists,
you would have been the real gangster
- Mr. Sensitive, now.
Well if it bothers you,
maybe you'd better talk to a psychiatrist.
- Mr. Soprano, you said you were in waste management.
- Environment.
- Dr. Cusimano, besides being your family physician,
is also your next door neighbor. You see what I'm saying?
- Are you in the mafia?
- Am I in the what?
- Please, Donny!
- I'm in a waste management business.
(Gunshots)
So everybody immediately assumes you're mobbed up
(Gunshots)
- It's a stereotype and it's offensive.
(Gunshot)
And you're the last person I would want to perpetuate it.
There is no mafia.
- St. Peter, my family St.
I was at Cod Burn's so May your soul burn in hell
if you betray your friends and a family.
- This Christopher Moltisanti.
- Christopher? What about him?
- Him and his little uh, friend,
they're slapping me in the face
and they're hiding behind Tony.
- Well Tony always loved Christopher. Like a son.
- Bright girl, Christopher. You don't want to lose this one.
- You hear that? Your cousin's out.
- The reason he went to prison cause he got pitched
to hijack on a truckload of Betamax's in 96'.
He got 17 years.
And I was supposed to be there the night of the jack.
- You got to come down here, you'll love this stuff.
- The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando,
He killed 16 Chechen rebels, single-handed
- Get the fuck outta here.
- Yeah, nice huh?
He was with the Interior Ministry.
Guys I've got a Russian (inaudible)
- You're not going to believe this.
He killed 16 Czechoslovakians.
Guy was an interior decorator.
- His house looked like shit.
- You may run Aunt Jasie, but you don't run your Uncle Jr.
How many fuckin' hours did I spend playing catch with you.
- Something may have to be done. Livia. About Tony.
I don't know
(Glass shatters)
(Gunshot)
- He's gonna look for who did this to him.
- Anthony, well of course he is!
Livia, you understand what's going on here?
- My son got shot and he got away.
- What do we do now?
- We go see him.
- Tony?
- Of course!
He's my only son.
What, what do you think? my mother tried to have me whacked
cause I put her in a nursing home?
- No, not literally.
I say what your mother has, at the very least,
is what we call borderline personality disorder.
These people have no love or compassion.
- This husband of yours, Carmella.
How much we love him.
(Kisses)
He's the best.
(Laughs)
- He's like a father to me.
- My husband.
I think he has committed horrible acts.
(Screams)
It's fucking alive, it's alive!
- Oh my God. Oh my God.
- Well you know all about him Father Phil.
I'm the same. I've said nothing. I've done nothing about it.
I got a bad feeling.
- Just make sure nothing happens to him.
Anthony soprano has no respect for this thing.
He's a guy who stepped over his own uncle
to grab the big seat.
Do I talk all this old school bullshit about the rules,
or here's a rule you might remember.
I'm the motherfuckin' fuckin' one who calls the shots.
Are you outta your fucking mind layin' your hands on me.
- This is the boss of this family.
- You got some balls kid. I'll give you that much.
- You'll give me what I tell you to give me.
Take it easy. Take it easy.
- Fuck that.
This ain't the seventies. And I'm not a kid.
- Hey, what are you doing here?
- Chris sent me to pick you up.
- Chris? Why something happen? It must be my dad. Right?
Another search warrant?
Who calls in the federal bureau of annoying bullshit.
- Let me ask you a question, Ms. Laserva.
Do you really think we have you in here
because we don't know what's in that garbage bag.
- I didn't do nothin'
- Ms. Laserva, I suggest in the strongest possible terms
and you start telling us what you know.
- Let me tell you something,
nowadays, everybody's got to go to shrinks and counselors.
What ever happened to Gary Copa?
The strong, silent type.
That was an American.
He wasn't in touch with his feelings.
He just did what he had to do.
- I got to sit down.
(Gunshots)
- Could I be happier? Yeah. Yeah. Who couldn't.
- Do you feel depressed?
- Wow, sent a Mr. Mob Boss.
- What did you call me?
- Always fucking pussy Footing around, years now.
Why don't we just get it all out there?
- NATO's going to be going away to college next year.
Leaving the nest.
- Not those fucking ducks again.
- Had some good times.
- Here he goes now with the nostalgia.
- Hey, all I'm saying is no marriage is perfect.
Well having a comad' on the side helps.
- I told you I'm not seeing them anymore.
How do you think I feel,
having that priest around all the time.
- Don't even go there. All right?
Father is a spiritual mentor.
He's helping me to be a better Catholic.
- Yeah. Oh, we all got different needs.
- What's different between you and me,
is you're going to hell when you die.
- You remember Dicky Moltisanti?
- No.
- No? Is that what you said?
- She a friend of yours?
- He was my father.
- You're being set up.
He's lying to you whoever he is.
- Wouldn't make any difference.
- What do you mean it wouldn't make any difference?
- He wants you dead.
- Like fucking king Midas in reverse here.
Everything I touch turns to shit.
Let her husband know my wife.
- I want you to leave this house, Tony.
I'm not a... father to my kids.
(Dishes clattering)
Now you got nothing. I'm not a friend to my friends.
I didn't burn down your restaurant.
(Explosion)
Swear on my mother.
Nothing.
- You know, I go to my priest and I would cry
and say how bad I felt about how my husband made his money.
But that was bullshit.
Because there are far bigger crooks than my husband.
- What I been through.
It changed the way you think, And holding my grandkids,
your kids in my lap,
all of a sudden, it's very important to me.
- Do you have any qualms about how you actually
make a living?
- I find I have to be the sad clown,
laughing on the outside, crying on the inside,
see, things are trending downward.
Like to propose a toast...
To my family.
Someday soon, you're going to have families of your own.
And if you're lucky,
you'll remember the little moments, like this...
That were good.
Cheers.