Have you ever wondered how parenting styles changed in the last 100 years? We'll I have.
In fact, I love parenting. I'm Nicholeen Peck, and I've studied parenting for years. In fact,
I've been teaching parenting now for well over 20 years. The type of parenting I teach
is called self-government. So in this video, we're gonna talk about how parenting styles
changed in the last 100 years and what we need to know going forward.
What if I told you that were just about to the point where some parents are gonna come full circle to
how parenting was a 100 years ago. While we are getting to that place with some parents.
Not with all, but there are parenting movements that are happening. In fact, I'm part of those
parenting movements that are bringing us back to the way parents were after WW1. After WW1,
parenting looked like high principles, high morals, hard work, self-disciplined, self-governed.
The parent worked diligently at morally training their children, behaviorally training their
children. In fact, during this time period in the United States, we had interesting things
that were happening. There was prohibition that was going on during this time.
There were also some pretty radical for the time period movements for women. Who were cutting
of their hairs and shortening their skirts and a lot of parents were saying, "Whoah,
what is happening to the young people? They're getting a little bit wild and crazy". Now,
this was all part of this time where the parents were pulling back and paying close attention
to what their children were learning and doing during this time. In fact, they were very
involved parents. Children worked alongside their parents in the field. In fact, it was
very common for children during this time to put in a full days work just like their
parents would do. Daughters and sons were trained to be women and men and behave in
very mature ways. Often times until they hit about their 20's and then in some cases they
got a little wild and crazy. In the United States, families felt the impact of WW2 even
more than they felt the impact of WW1. Because more homes were affected. Literally, almost
every family had multiple people who were participating in the war effort. And at home
the women are feeling the strain and the pain of having the men's sometimes not come back
or be gone for a very long period of time while they were raising their children. Women
were carrying heavier loads than they had before and the men were going through trauma,
lots and lots of trauma. So what was happening to the children during this time. Well, everyone
was in crisis mode and they were trying to help their parents in their societies as best
as they could. Well, after the war there was a change that happened. So there was a time
of kind of like for rebuilding and celebration because it was over. But also there was this
feeling of overwhelm. Many families had been changed forever because people didn't come
back from war, and because maybe economically things had been adjusted to such a degree
that things were drastically different. So, there was stress increased stress. There were
men with post-traumatic stress disorder and they didn't really know what that was then.
And so, they were suffering and they had depression and struggle to connecting back into their families.
But there was one thing that almost everybody could decide upon and that was that
the next generation of people. Those young children that were coming up would not ever
have to go through war. Because if you remember, we had parents that went through war and then
their sons went through war again. Huge, catastrophic impact on the mindset of society. So they
said, "Our children will not ever have to be in war". That WW2 has to be the war that ends all wars.
There can't be another war after this. So our children will have a carefree life.
We will indulge them. We will be more lenient instead of angry so there was more
permissiveness that came on the scene. There was also a bit more bullying and aggression
because of some of this post traumatic stress disorder, and because of that bullying and aggression,
other parents decided to be increasingly more permissive. Now, at this time there was
a guy, Dr. Benjamin Spock who presented the idea that parents should think of themselves
as their child's friend instead of their parent. This changed parenting forever. Before I move
on I'm kind of curious, how were you raised? Were you raised in a permissive way where
mom and dad let you do pretty much anything you wanted to and how that turned out?
Or were you raised in a way where things were pretty heavy-handed and maybe you even got
spanked and kind of more of a bully-type home, how did that turned out? Or were you raised
by parents who had principles and were firm yet kind. I'd like to know how the majority
of people have been raised, who are looking at this video. So let me know in the comments below.
So, Dr. Benjamin Spock trained everybody to become their child's friend. That didn't
mean that everybody chose to though. In fact, my parents definitely did not. I was raised
in the '70s, '80s, and '90s and during that time. There was a different type of parenting
trend that was going on. In fact, parents during that time did not all agree on how
parenting should happen. It was as if there was kind of absence of principles suddenly.
Before this time even though there were some practices that had changed. Society as a whole
saw adults above children. But what Dr. Benjamin Spock had done is he had put them on the equal
playing field. Well, by the time we get to the 9D's. There's this movement to even put
children above adults, very interesting. So in the '80s what did parenting look like?
It looked like that the parents weren't really there. It kind of looks like latchkey children
and kids watching whatever TV shows they wanted to after school. Running around with their
children. Getting into something that they probably shouldn't have. Drugs, all of the
sudden on the increase. Sexual promiscuity increasing again. After the hippie movement,
we had a dearth of that kind of thing and now here it was coming back again because the
parents thought everything was safe and over and the children needed to have this additional freedom.
During this time there was a moral decline that was happening in society.
But it seemed as if many of the parents weren't even aware, until it was a little bit too late.
So, what happened was a lot of the children ended up raising themselves and they hid a
lot of things from their parents and when the parents found out about some of the things
being hid from them, they did get aggressive at moments. But then tried to go back to being
their child's friend if they could. This was very inconsistent parenting and it led to
a lot of disconnection within the family unit. So this brings us to the early 2000s.
In the early 2000s, we see parents being more present and more involved than they ever have been
before or what we think they ever have been before. Why? Well because no body was present
and involved with them or very few families were like that at least. They wanted their
children to have the parents in their lives. In fact, it's a normal occurrence that when
a child doesn't feel incredibly bonded to their parent or like they got all of the attention
or their needs met from their parents. Then they are going to have that experience again
in their parent role. But this time their child will get the benefit of that experience.
So, we so a lot of parents going back to their childhood. In fact, a lot of the trends and
toys came back in vow. Where the parents now were leaving their childhood again. Even though
the parents were so present with their children. They were also incredibly indulgent. Because,
they were living their own childhood again. So, then we had a situation where the parents
were actually going back into childhood a little bit. And maybe even losing a little
bit of the maturity that normal adults would have during that time. So how this affect
the children? Well, the children could get away with all kinds of things. Talking back
to their parents, telling their parents what they wanted to do and by this time, children
had actually risen above parents. We are stealing that place right now in the 2020s. Were children
are almost perceived as more important than their parents. And if the child wants something
the parents does everything they can to try and help their dictator whatever they want.
This is out of order. In fact, it's called dysfunction and it was created because of
overindulgence and because we had parents who were reactive because they didn't get
necessarily what they needed during their childhood. So what is parenting look like
now in the 2020s? I talked to a lot of people. In fact, people come to me with their parenting
questions all the time. And I can tell you I'm noticing something different. I've been
teaching parenting now for over 20 years. So I've seen the change in parents. Now, there
are many brave parents right now who are trying to change themselves. Who are trying to transform
their parenting mindsets and their family relationships. And I'm gonna talk about how
they're doing that in just a minute. But what I'm noticing is they're very self-focused
and this is a hard thing. A lot of the messaging that has been coming. Even through YouTube
is about self. You focusing on you. You worrying about you. And people feel like they're not
living their lives well if they're giving service to other people on a regular almost
constant basis, which is what parents do. In fact, parents historically have found joy
and purpose in this service we called parenting. But right now, the time that we live in. Parents
are actually feeling like they don't get what they need. They don't get what they want.
They're not feeling fulfilled themselves. This is a very difficult situation that parents
find themselves in. And it's probably because most of the time they're trying to power struggle
with their child who was also still being overindulged. So, the parents trying to make
the child happy oftentimes with extrinsic things. With the onset of the digital age,
we have given children more and more adult tools and access to the world that has empowered
them to claim dominance over their parents. And the parents are scrambling to try to have
a positive impact in the lives of their children. When their children are saying they won't have it.
At the same time, the world seems to be obsessed with feelings. Our feelings
are important. In fact, I spend a lot of time talking about feelings and emotions and how
a family can work through those things and help people feel understood and connected.
But there has never been times since I've been alive where the feelings of a person
have taken such a high priority. In fact, we're so worried about how a person feels
or if they're comfortable. That we literally do anything, we'll make any change even policy
or governmental change. To make a person feel better. This means that we're promoting entitlement
like never before. Entitlement at its base is just good old fashion selfishness. So if
the parents are feeling selfish because their needs arent being met and the children are
feeling selfish because their feelings are happening. Everyones having feelings and nobody
knows how to handle these feelings. So, what do parents do? Now, this is the exciting part.
So many parents have been excited to find out that they don't have to stay in this new status quo.
Where there's just function happening at home. Feelings flying all over the place
and nobody knowing what to do with them except for to try to play cate them time and time again.
There's something they can do. There's a new way of communication except for
here's the secret, it's not new. It's actually a really old way of communication from maybe
about 100 years ago or so. A type of communication that based on principle. That's based on the
concept, the truth. That a person is perfectly capable of controlling themselves and choosing
which direction they wanna head and predicting which outcomes that they want to have in the future.
This type of parenting that people are finding is self-government. In fact, even
in the therapy world, there's a movement called cognitive behavioral therapy. That is very
closely related to the teaching self-government parenting skills and principle that I teach people.
So, there are things that people are doing, they're changing and now I'm seeing
this new kind of parent emerge. This parent that is a leader. This parent that works on
the condition of their own heart. That pushes off their own selfishness, that bonds and
connects and understands and talks openly but doesn't do it in a way that makes victims
anymore. Instead, empowers their family and their children to take responsibility and
ownership of their own lives and their own feelings. Unity in the family truly is the
key for the self-government parent. We have a new generation of parents that are emerging
right now. It's exciting, I keep meeting them all the time as I do training after training.
And I see the fire and the sparks in their eyes as they come back to me and say, "Nicholeen,
I didn't know this family could be this happy", "Nicholeen, I didn't know I could end my day
and not feel like I've been through WW3", "I didn't know life could feel this free and
this good even though it seems like socially so many things are struggling around me".
That's the power of self-government and our children need it, drastically need it and so do we.
Do you wanna find out more about it, I have a course. My course is on teaching self-government.com.
This course has transformed people all over the globe. Learning the skills and the principles
that you need to unite your family and your life will never be the same.