As a professional psychologist, I've had a little experience with this. I'm here to share with you
what to do when you feel sad for no reason. You are never wrong about how you feel. Can I say that
again? Listen carefully. You are never wrong about how you feel. How you feel is 100% consistent
with the way your own mind is processing your experiences. Part of my job as a psychologist is
to illuminate the obvious. Which is fun because I get to tell people things they already know.
And I get paid for it sometimes. Because many of the processes in our mind
are obvious but unnoticed. Obvious but unnoticed. Check it out. Like the feeling of your clothing.
Do you notice it? Well, now you do. Because I called it to your attention. But before I said
something, you didn't even notice. It's obvious to you but unnoticed. When we feel sad for no reason,
it's not for no reason. It's for some reason that we're not noticing. Wow,
that's going to change the game. As you start to understand the workings of your own mind,
it's going to make all the difference in the world and help you to get a handle on what you can do
about it. I've got some other specific tips for you here today. I'm not going to get into all of
the psychology behind the operation of your mind in this video. Go to the very introductory video
here on the channel. "How To Stay Positive No Matter What?" I think is the title of that. Just
link to it. There's a card right up there that you can link to that video and see what I'm talking
about the operation of our mind. Remember, you're never wrong about how you feel. We can
understand and explain that psychologically and I'll send you over to that other video to check
that out. But let's get into some strategies. As I mentioned, we don't always know the reason
because the reason is hidden. I want to reassure you that you don't feel sad for no reason.
It might even be as simple as your body chemistry. You know, your brain and your body
operate on chemical processes. And those chemical processes are also tied to thought processes.
So, we get to look at both of those. Sometimes it helps just to realize, "Oh, I'm feeling sad"
without saying "for no reason". Just assume that there is some reason even if it's hidden
to you. Now, this changes your position. So, strategically, here's what I'm going to suggest,
"I feel sad and that's as it should be right now."
Okay, that's weird, right? You weren't expecting that. We get into trouble sometimes because we
tell ourselves. We should be feeling something else we shouldn't be feeling whatever we're
feeling. You're never wrong about how you feel. And I'm going to help you to understand
that through the other video that I pointed you to. Or over at Live On Purpose Central,
we've got courses built around that. So, we can handle the psychology. Understand that there are
good reasons why you feel everything that you're feeling and you're never wrong about how you feel.
So, the strategy is start telling yourself something different about that.
"I feel sad and that's as it should be right now." This makes more sense when you have a
clear reason, right? Let's say that a loved one passes away. How are you supposed to feel? Right.
You're supposed to feel sad. I would worry about you if you didn't. Just because you don't know the
reason doesn't mean that there's not a reason. It just is hidden to you. So, assume that your body
and your mind are reacting perfectly to whatever it is that is causing this in the first place.
This takes off some of the pressure and you're never wrong about how you feel. Remember that.
Now that we've established that you're never wrong about how you feel and this is how you should feel
right now, here's what we can do with the feeling itself: I simply want you to observe it,
just watch it, notice it. You're not going to try to change it, you're not going to argue with it,
you're not going to freak out about it, you're not going to worry about it.
You're simply going to observe it. And to do this, we have to do something that's
called metacognition. I've talked about that in some of the other videos here on the channel.
The short version is that we think about our thinking. We step back from our own thinking
so that we can simply observe it. Here's an example of what I mean: If I give you this prompt,
don't try to answer it. Just simply watch what happens. Okay, here's the prompt:
I wonder what thought I'll have next.
Now, what happened? Is that kind of cool? For a moment, you simply stepped it out of
your loud busy mind for a minute and there was a little moment of silence. Did you notice it?
And then something popped in. Like, "What am I supposed to think?"
You know that's a pretty common way people react to that. Let's try it again. Just try it one
more time. It might be a completely different experience this time. Don't try to answer it,
don't try to force it anywhere. Just simply watch. I wonder what thought I'll have next.
And just watch what happens. Did you notice? Usually the second time we try it,
there's a little more silence. It's like, "Huh, it's quiet in there." And usually it's noisy.
There's a lot of reasons for that. This is the level I want you to go to to try this experiment.
So, when you feel sad for no reason that you know of, when you feel that sadness,
just watch it. Just simply step back from it like we just did right now with our thoughts.
Step back from it long enough to say or to observe. You're not even going to say anything.
You're not going to argue with it or try to change it. Just watch it. That's powerful.
You're going to notice something. And I almost hate to give you a spoiler alert here because
I think you're going to notice this very consistently. When you watch the feeling,
it will change. Which leads me into the last point. I have a colleague who built his entire
career off of 2 words --feelings change. That's good news, isn't it? When we experience feelings
that are unpleasant like the sadness or grief or despair or frustration whatever it is.
Those feelings always change. It's kind of like the weather. When a storm rolls in, how often
are you worried that that storm is going to be here forever? You're not. Because storms pass.
And feelings change. The previous strategy that i gave you to watch, observe, simply watch that
feeling without trying to label it or change it or anything, just watch it; it's kind of like
watching a storm pass, okay? And actually, when we take that passive observing position, it actually
makes the feeling change more quickly. This is interesting because we're not giving it emotional
energy. We're simply observing it. And that brings down the fuel, if you will. It's like you're not
putting additional fuel on the fire. And it will simply pass, it will simply change. As the feeling
changes, sometimes it's replaced by another one. One of my colleagues shared this with me. He was
playing tennis with his adult daughter. Now, both of them are very competitive. And as he was kind
of getting the upper hand in this tennis match, he started to feel something, okay? Kind of that
inflated sense of pride. And he remembered having learned this concept just observed the feeling.
And so, instead of gloating or really running away with that feeling like he normally would, he just
paused and he's like, "I'm just going to observe it." And he did he observed it and it changed.
And then the game changed and he started getting behind a little bit. Well, that caused another
feeling, a different kind of feeling. He said, "No, I'm going to do it with all my feelings.
Okay, I'm going to just observe this one." He just observed it and it passed. See, sometimes,
we get so uptight about our feelings. It's like we're throwing gas on the fire. Feelings change.
Remember that. Simply observe it and you're going to see some very different outcomes.
Do you remember when I said earlier that sometimes the reasons are hidden?
Conversations can make all the difference in the world. And we are here for you. I've got
coaches on my team who will be happy to set up a time when they can talk to you.
Set up a breakthrough call with one of our coaches. Let's see if we can
identify what some of those hidden reasons are for you. Drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
You don't have to do this alone. We're here for you. Let's have that conversation.