(Bell)
(Sr. Pine) Dear Thay,
this is a question from a friend named Mary.
She says: "Dear Thay,
how do I help my family deal with the suicide of a father of four children?
Right now in the family there is a lot of rage and hatred
and denial of everything good."
I think that the solution is understanding.
When someone commits suicide,
we have the tendency to see him or her
as not having enough responsibility.
We have the tendency to think like that.
That person does not have a sense of responsibility.
And we suffer because we are caught by that idea.
That person may have a big sense of responsibility.
Yet
But that was covered up.
That could not manifest
just because of the huge amount of suffering he had.
It may be true that that person did not want to commit suicide.
He did not want to do it.
But something was stronger than him.
That has pushed him to do it.
That is why by practicing breathing and looking deeply,
we stop blaming that person
for having that kind of desire to kill himself,
for having that lack of responsibility.
The truth may be that he did not have that desire.
The truth may be that he had a big sense of responsibility.
But the amount of pain in him was so overwhelming...
So understanding suffering
will remove that kind of anger, rage and hate.
It may bring some insight.
If that person was not able to handle the suffering,
we will help him to do so.
He is still there, somehow.
He continues always,
at least, in us.
If he is not in us we do not have to suffer.
We suffer because he is still in us.
That is a reality.
That is why, we have to begin to talk to him:
"Dear father, dear friend,
I know you are still in me and you suffer.
I will help you."
Begin to breathe, touch the suffering and listen to the suffering.
And if we come to understand the suffering
and allow the energy of compassion to arise,
we begin the process of healing for us and for him.
We do it for him also.
He did not had the chance to encounter the practice.
No one had told him
how to handle this feeling of despair, anger and suffering.
So he was a victim,
and you should not be angry at a victim.
You should only help.
The children should say:
"Hello father, there was so much suffering,
you could not handle it.
We will help you.
We will practice for you.
We will listen and understand the suffering in you and in us.
We will generate the energy of compassion to heal us
and we will transform the mud into a beautiful lotus."
I think that we need a friend, a brother,
a sister in the practice to come and help
with loving kindness and show the way
of understanding and reconciliation.
Understanding, here,
means, first of all, understanding the suffering.
That is the way.
The first noble truth.
(Bell)
Subtitles by the Amara.org community