BUT TRUMP'S JOB ISN'T ALL GIVING AWAY SECRETS.
YESTERDAY HE ZIPPED DOWN TO SANf DIEGO TO CHECK OUT HIS BORDER
WALL, WHERE HE TOLD REPORTERS WHY IMMIGRANTS WON'T BE ABLE TO
CROSS IT.ûr THE WALL IS-- YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO TOUCH IT.
YOU CAN-- YOU CAN FRY AN EGG ON THAT WALL.
IT'S VERY, VERY HOT.
>> STEPHEN: WOW.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU CAN FRY AN EGG ON THAT WALL.
I GOT TO TELL YOU -- I GOT TO TELL YOU, IT IS NOT EASY TO FRY
AN EGG VERTICALLY.
WHIP IT IN THERE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
>> Stephen: I LIKE HOW HE WANTS TO SELL IT --
"FOLKS, YOU CAN FRY AN EGG ON THIS WALL, THANKS TO THIS
BEAUTIFUL BLACK DIAMOND COATING.
THE MESS JUST WIPES AWAY.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING: YOU'RE TELLING ME I CAN GET A
FULL SET OF WALL, AND THE STEAK KNIVES FOR JUST $6.2 BILLION AND
99 CENTS?
BUT WAIT!
WHAT IF I THREW IN THE BAMBOO STEAMER?
DAY OLD BREAD COMES OUT LIGHT, TENDER, PERFECT.
NOW HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY FROM MILITARY SCHOOLS
FOR THIS BOONDOGGLE?" ( APPLAUSE )
TRUMP ALSO TALKED UP HIS WALL'S OTHER FEATURES.
>> THE PROTECTION ON TOP, HOW THAT STOPS-- IT IS AN ANTI-CLIMB
DEVICE IF YOU LOOK AT THE STEEL ON TOP.
IT'S ALSO STRUCTURAL BUT IT'S THERE MORE FOR ANTI CLIMB.
>> STEPHEN: YES, IT'S A 30 FOOT WALL THAT'S ANTI-CLIMB.
( LAUGHTER ) AN UNBEATABLE BARRIER UNLESS
MEXICO DEVELOPS...
THE 31-FOOT LADDER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CAN'T BE DONE.
CAN'T BE DONE.
TRUMP LAUDED THE HIGH-TECH-NESS OF HIS WALL:
>> ONE THING WE HAVEN'T MENTIONED IS TECHNOLOGY.
THEY ARE WIRED SO THAT WE WILL KNOW IF SOMEBODY'S TRYING TO
BREAK THROUGH AND YOU MAY WANT TO DISCUSS THAT A LITTLE BIT,
GENERAL.
>> SIR, THERE COULD BE SOME MERIT IN NOT DISCUSSING THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
"GOOD POINT.
ANYWAY, BACK TO MY PREPARED REMARKS.
THE LAUNCH CODES ARE 3, 5, FROWNY FACE EMOJI, WITH A
POWERBALL OF 23."
( LAUGHTER ) WHILE ON AIR FORCE ONE, TRUMP
WAS ALSO ASKED ABOUT ALL HIS CONFLICTS OF INTEREST.
HE'S BEEN GETTING A LOT OF HEAT FOR GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES STAYING
AT HIS HOTELS.
FOR INSTANCE, YESTERDAY, WE LEARNED THAT IN THE LAST TWO
YEARS THE PENTAGON HAS PAID TRUMP'S TURNBERRY GOLF RESORT:
$184,000.
IT'S THE MOST BLATANT EXAMPLE OF A PRESIDENT PROFITING OFF HIS
POSITION SINCE HERBERT HOOVER'S CANNED HOBO REPELLANT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW WITH 30% MORE FORMALDEHYDE!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WE MADE THAT UP.
NO.
EVEN I HAVE MY PRIDE.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT TRUMP PUSHED BACK, TWEETING:
"I AM FAR BEYOND SOMEBODY PAYING FOR A HOTEL ROOM FOR THE
EVENING, OR FILLING UP A GAS TANK AT AN AIRPORT I DO NOT OWN.
THESE RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS ARE CRAZY!
OBAMA NETFLIX?" ( LAUGHTER )
( MUTTERING ) I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW --
OBAMA NETFLIX?" WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?
IS THAT AN ACCUSATION OR AN INVITATION?
(AS TRUMP) "OBAMA NETFLIX?
BY WHICH I MEAN, HEY, OBAMA, WANT TO NETFLIX AND CHILL?
MELANIA REFUSES TO BINGE 'STRANGER THINGS.'
SHE SAYS THERE'S NO STRANGER THING THAN ME."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FRY AN EGG!
ON THE PLANE, TRUMP CONTINUED TO WHINE ABOUT
OBAMA'S POST-PRESIDENTIAL SUCCESS YESTERDAY ON AIR FORCE
ONE, SAYING, "WELL, IT WAS A VERY SUBSTANTIAL DEAL.
CECIL B. DEMILLE-- IF HE EVER CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD, ONE OF
THE GREATS OF ALL TIME-- HE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE MADE
THAT DEAL."
"PLUS OBAMA'S BOOK WAS THE HIGHEST BOOK EVER SOLD."
"I MEAN, HE'S BEATING J.K.
ROWLING.
WHY HAVEN'T THE DEMENTORS PUT OBAMA IN AZKABAN?"