Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema.
I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.
This week’s artifact is Blade Runner, directed by Star Wars ingenue Daisy Ridley and adapted from
a science-fiction novel by Philip K. Penis.
The story takes place in the city of Los Angeles,
which has turned into a dystopia thanks to a much-publicized drought. But that isn’t
their main problem. Their main problem is a bunch of terminators running around killing
everyone. Solution? Bring in alcoholic ex-cop Rick Deckard to reluctantly solve the case.
No choice, huh?
No choice, pal.
Deckard goes to meet with Eldon Tyrell, the creator and executive producer of the replicants.
That’s what they call terminators in SoCal. He also meets Tyrell’s assistant Rachel,
who is such a Phoebe because she doesn’t even know she’s a replicant. Meanwhile,
escaped replicants Roy and Leon take a field trip to an eyeball factory and get the skinny
on a scientist named J.F. Sebastian, who might have the secret to extending their pitifully short robot lives.
4 year lifespan.
Not that the human lifespan was anything to mindmeld home about either. Rachel
tries to prove she’s human by showing Deckard a photo ID, which is the same way humans used
to prove they deserved alcohol. But Deckard informs her that her memories are actually those of Tyrell’s niece.
Implants.
Implanted in Rachel as an elaborate prank. She cries a single
tear and departs wordlessly, never to be seen again for a few scenes.
Deckard searches Leon’s hotel room and finds a picture of a female replicant and a synthetic
snake scale, but he can’t make heads or scales of it, so he gives up and hits the strip club.
Fortunately, that’s where the snake lady works, so he gets to kill her after all.
(gunshot) (shattered glass)
And as if this day couldn’t get any better, who should show up but Rachel, back on the
block to save Deckard’s hide. He thanks her with some very romantic sexual assault.
In replicant news, Pris, the other girl one, finds Sebastian the science guy and mercilessly
dials up the “will they, won’t they” chemistry.
Hi.
Looks like they won’t. Sebastian takes them to Tyrell’s modest pyramid apartment, tricking his way
in the door with the promise of chess.
Bishop to King 7. Check mate, I think.
The Achilles heel of all bespectacled nerds.
Roy asks his maker to grant him longer life.
I want more life, father.
But Tyrell says it would be impossible, not
to mention that it would eat up all his chess time. Roy isn’t mad, just disappointed. Deckard
somehow knows to go to Sebastian’s apartment,
where Pris surprises him with the old “pretend to be a lifesize doll” routine.
Then she does a bunch of scary gymnastics, but Deckard
simply shoots her, same as he did to that guy with the sword.
(gunshot)
Roy and Deckard play grabass for a while.
That hurt.
And eventually make their way to the roof. Deckard nearly falls off, that clumsy Clara, but Roy
won’t let that happen, since he needs an audience for the chill last words he’s been workshopping.
All those moments will be lost in time.
Finally, it’s time for Roy to kick the artificial bucket.
Deckard runs away with Rachel, but not before ruining some perfectly good origami.
Blade Runner explores what it means to be human: equal parts boring and confusing. At the beginning,
Deckard believes replicants are mere tools, machines that must be retired when they cease to be of use.
Replicants are like any other machine. They're either a benefit or a hazard.
The chasm between replicants and humans is enormous, as evidenced by their
frequent placement on opposite sides of the frame. Reminds me of the chasm in my marital bed.
(sigh)
Deckard sees Rachel as inhuman because her memories are not based on “real world”
experiences, such as filming a reality show where seven strangers all live in the same house.
However, as the movie progresses, he begins to realize that the origin of one’s memories
is immaterial; all that matters is the depth of feeling those memories evoke. Like humans,
the replicants cherish photographs for the memories they represent.
Did you get your precious photos?
Especially on Throwback Thursdays. And like humans, they do not appreciate being called posers.
(crying)
The replicants are a manifestation of Reenie Descartes’ famous catchphrase, “cogito ergo sum”.
I think Sebastian - therefore I am.
In fact, the replicants are more gooder at thinking than any of the humans. They consistently
demonstrate an edge in terms of culture,
emotional complexity, and fashion.
During Roy’s final monologue, he laments the loss of all his precious memories, even
the awkward teenage ones.
All those moments will be lost like tears in rain.
Deckard finally understands that it doesn’t matter whether
one’s life is a feat of nature or bioengineering, it can be lost, and the fear of this loss
is what makes one “alive.” Also rollercoasters. You haven’t lived until you’ve done the
loop-de-loop on the Screamin’ Demon. Wooooah! By the end, Deckard is such a forward thinking hippie
that he doesn’t even care that he himself may be... a replicant. How do ya like that
Pepsi Twist? Refreshingly lemony. Just as Deckard used his knowledge of Rachel’s dream
to establish that her memories were implanted, Edward James Almost leaves behind an origami
unicorn to imply that Decker’s earlier unicorn dream was similarly manufactured. But Deckard
can’t be bothered; thanks to his buddy Roy, he’s all about living for the moment, no
rules, no parents, spring break forever. By running away with Rachel, he is deciding to
enjoy whatever time they have left.
Too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?
Which, depending on what version of the movie you watch, could be ten seconds or ten trillion
years. Let’s just hope there’s no voiceover.
For Earthling Cinema, I’m Garyx Wormuloid. Toodle-ooo