- Do you interact with people a lot?
- Every day.
- Do you have crying people at work?
- Sometimes people cry.
- That could be hair salon receptionist, though,
because I've cried at the hair salon before too.
(playful music)
- [Crewwoman] Hello.
- Hello!
- [Crewman] What's your name? - Lauren.
- Dae. - I'm Curtis.
- [Crewman] What do you do for a living?
- I bartend right now. - I am a YouTuber.
- I'm a YouTuber.
That means I make YouTube videos and get paid for it.
(whooping)
- [Crewman] So today you're gonna play
match job to person. - Great.
- I feel like I'm gonna be really bad at this.
- [Crewman] Will you just kinda go through those
and read those jobs out loud?
- Scientist, hair salon receptionist,
teacher. - A dean of students.
It's gonna be a woman with a stick up her ass,
like, just very bitchy.
- Stimulated patient.
Oh, simulated patient.
That's very different.
- I feel terrible guessing an exterminator.
- [Crewman] Why?
- Because then you'd be like oh,
you look like an exterminator?
- Oh, teacher vibes, right off the bat, right off the bat!
(laughter)
- This guy comes into my bar all the time.
(laughter) I know you.
I have no idea what you do.
Hello. - Hi.
- What's your name?
- Abby. - Abby, nice to meet you.
(playful music)
(laughter)
- What was that?
What'd you just do?
- I just looked, because I was about to say
she's, like, something sad, but there are
a lot of sad looking people in this.
(laughter)
- Do you like children? - I like my kids.
I don't like all children.
- Sounds like a teacher.
- Do you have a lot of free time,
like you like do fun things?
- Yeah, I really like to read. (laughter)
- Ew!
That is a teacher. (laughter)
- Hi. - Corky.
- Corky? - Yeah.
- Oh, great name. - Thanks.
- [Lauren] I mean, you seem, like, super warm,
friendly, do you have family or kids?
- Not that I know.
- Not that you know of, okay! (laughter)
- Are you high? - What?
(laughter) Why would you say that?
- Well, you look like the teacher
that would like confiscate your students' weed
but like smoke it after school.
(laughter)
- I don't know if it's a longshoreman or a longshoreman.
Do you know what they do?
- Uh, they deal with boats, containers.
You know, the container ships that come in?
- Yeah, that looks like you, for sure.
I'm confident on that.
- I'm gonna go exterminator.
You seem like you could kill a good bug
forcefully without any fear.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- You're the best. - Go tug those boats.
- Hello. - Hello.
- I'm Dae. - I'm Nora.
- Oh my gosh, you give me like teacher vibes.
I kinda feel like I'm in trouble.
(laughter) Feel like I didn't do my homework or something.
- Do you like kids?
- I have a kid.
- Okay, do you like-- - I like him.
- You like him. Are you pretty strict with him,
on like what he can and can't do?
- A little bit. He's a rule follower, so it's helpful.
- Because you enforce rules.
- We manage expectations.
- That's a dean. (laughter)
That's a dean for sure.
- You seem like you're hiding something.
You're putting up a wall right now, you know?
- I know where the bodies are buried.
(nervous laughter)
- Well, funeral director it is.
(laughter)
- Hello. - Hello.
- How are you? - Good, how are you doing?
- I'm good. - Nice handshake.
What were you like growing up?
- Troublemaker.
- Not the like school type?
- I was smart.
I just didn't-- - Didn't apply yourself, okay.
(laughter)
- I'm gonna say teacher.
- Why do you think I'm a teacher?
- Okay, because I feel like I'm being tricked in this video.
- How many teachers do you know that have tattoos?
- That's exactly why I'm guessing.
I'm gonna say teacher.
- Do you work a 9-5? - Most days.
- How much vacation do you get?
- A lot.
Vacation is why I have the job.
- Okay, we're going teacher, we're going teacher.
- Thank you. - Thanks, teach.
- Hi. - Hello.
I'm seeing cute shoes, great hair.
- Thank you.
- Do you interact with people a lot?
- Every day.
- Do you have crying people at work?
- Sometimes people cry.
- That could be hair salon receptionist though,
because I've cried at the hair salon before too.
(laughter) Gimme a hug.
Like, a comforting.
Ooh, that was solid! (laughter)
That was a solid hug!
- I think that I'm looking at hair salon receptionist.
Pretty girl, has a nice smile.
People like wanna look at you.
- On the phone? - Yeah, but like,
you're the first person someone sees when they walk in.
- Yeah.
- Hello. - Hello.
- You have good hair too!
You could be like a musical roadie or something.
- I am a roadie!
- No way, part time?
- Occasionally, yeah.
- Occasional, really?
That's not on the list, but I should get that point.
(laughter) - Yes.
- I'm gonna go with scientist right off the bat.
I see you all the time and I know
there's a lot of labs around my restaurant.
- Thank you, do the honors for me.
- Perfect.
- Thank you, my friend. - You're welcome.
- Hello.
- I'm Joe. - Yo.
You like kids? - Yeah.
- Pretend I'm a kid.
Pretend I'm your kid.
I don't wanna get off my iPad.
Discipline me.
- Dae, I need the iPad right now.
- Fuck you.
- Well. (laughter)
You can just give me the iPad right now,
and then you can have it again later
next time you want it, or if I have to take it away,
then you're not gonna get to use it for like a week.
- Ooh.
Here. - Thanks.
- You're a dean of students. - [Joe] Why do you think that?
- That was very, uh, dean like.
Bam. (laughter)
- You must be the scientist.
- Why?
- I don't have any more options.
(laughter)
- You like, broke your foot or something.
- I dropped a piano on it.
- You dropped a piano?
- Well, my brother dropped a piano on it.
- He sucks.
Do you know what a simulated patient is?
- It's, like, a patient who's not real.
- Oh my god, you're faking a broken foot
to go get drugs. - For the Vicodin.
(gasping) - Bitch!
I just crushed it. (laughter)
Did I get it at the end?
(laughter) You guys!
- [Crewman] How many do you think you got right?
- Four. - I think I got them
all right.
Why would I guess something I think is not right?
- [Crewman] With a show of hands,
who did Dae get correct?
- Boom! (scattered giggling)
Whoa! (laughter)
I never got zero before.
(laughter)
- Oh no!
- Yes, yes!
Oh wait, that means I got someone else right, no?
(laughter) - No.
- Damn!
- Yes! (giggling)
Cool.
- [Crewman] Change to the right placards, please.
(indistinct murmuring)
- Oh my god.
Oh my god! (laughter)
What?!
- What grade do you teach?
- Um, high schoolers.
- Cute.
Oh dang, you have all the 14 year old girls
after that nose ring.
- Not my target demographic. (laughter)
- That's good.
(playful music)
- I still don't fully know what that means.
(laughter)
- So I pretend to be sick for medical students,
so that they can practice their bedside manner.
- Oh! (giggling)
- Do you get to like pick a random illness?
- No, I'm trained on specific ones.
- Like what?
- Late term labor, UTIs.
- Are you an actor then?
For like, do like-- - Yeah.
Ready, okay.
Um, so I have to pee like every 20 minutes.
It's like really annoying. - You've got a UTI?
- Yeah, ding, ding, ding.
(laughter) (clapping)
You should be a doctor!
- Can you explain to me what a longshoreman is?
Or is it longshoreman?
- It's longs.
Now you got me saying it. - See?
- Longshoreman.
Container ships come in, take them off, put them back on.
Let them go. - [Dae] Nice.
What do people ship the most?
- It could be random goods, for like Target
or, uh, cars.
- How much do you make, can I ask?
Ooh, he makes money.
Like, could you be a sugar daddy?
- I could. (laughter)
- We like that.
That's fun.
- Yo, you're so funeral director-y.
(laughter)
What I gave you originally was the dean.
I feel like those are two kind of like similar things,
like if you can console crying people,
you can console children as well.
- Yeah.
- What was the biggest surprise that you had from your job?
- Sometimes it's surprising how much relief I see in people.
They've been with their loved one
through a long illness, they're relieved it's over.
- Are you a hair salon receptionist?
Do they do your hair?
Do they wash your hair?
Do you get free washes? - All the time.
But were you surprised? - Hell no!
I mean, look at your hair, it's beautiful.
- Yeah, I definitely like gender stereotyped this one.
I apologize for that. - Don't apologize, it's cool.
- You have pretty hair. - I like the job
because it allows me to take off a lot of time
and travel whenever I want.
- So you're really cute for not a cute job.
Do you like have the heebie jeebies over stuff like this?
- Not really.
Most of our kills are fresh kills, so it's not that gross.
You just dog poop bag style.
- Yeah, no, that's gross. (laughter)
- When it's really gross is when they've
been sitting for a bit, and they're maggot-y and smelly.
But you get the grabber pull. - No no, you don't.
- So you can grabber pull it. - No.
(laughter) - Into--
That was surprising. - Ew, ick.
Nice to meet you. (laughter)
- Are you surprised? - That you're a scientist?
- Yes. - Honestly, I thought
you could be anything.
You could be a scientist, Jesus.
I'm not surprised. - What kind of scientist?
- I try to cure people who have genetic problems,
so I use viruses to deliver genes to cure them.
- Wow.
- Hey. - Hot teacher, what's up?
(laughter)
English. - No.
- [Lauren] Math. - No.
- [Lauren] Art. - No.
- [Lauren] Music. - No.
- Gym. - No.
- What else is left? (laughter)
Science!
Are your students gonna watch this?
Yo, they're gonna be so stoked about this!
- Yeah. (laughter)
- How old do you teach?
- Freshmen and sophomores mostly.
- Do you like them?
- Yeah, they're cool. - You like do not like them.
- No, it's endless entertainment.
I actually really do like working with them.
- Do your students like you?
- Some of them do, and some of them probably think,
well, actually, I know for a fact
some of them think I talk too much.
- You're literally a teacher.
Isn't that like the job? (laughter)
Stupid.
- I don't remember what job I guessed you with.
Scientist? - Scientist,
because it was the only one left.
- Oh. (laughter)
I mean, it's like in the-- - Not at all.
(laughter)
- Do you still love me? - No. (laughter)
- Alright, dean of students.
That to me, screams like,
(whispers) bitch.
- I don't think any of my students
would describe me as a bitch.
- So are you like his boss?
- I would work with him if he could get kids' iPads.
- What's the most discipline you had to give a kid?
- I've expelled students before.
We had a kid this year steal a car from a neighborhood,
and then like drive it around the parking lot.
- What happened with the kid who stole the car?
- I mean, he went to juvie. (laughter)
- I'm learning so much.
- So I did really bad.
I thought that was so easy, I thought I crushed it.
- Raise your hand if I insulted you?
Mister D is like slowly-- (laughter)
- [Crewman] Who would you most like to apprentice under?
- I would love to sit in your class
and see all the girls be like
(squealing indistinctly) (laughter)
- [Crewman] What's the job
you'd most like to apprentice under?
- Maybe like a dean of students.
I do not think I would be good.
- No, I don't. (laughter)
I don't think you'd enforce rules!
- Uh-huh!
- I feel like you'd probably get along
with the students really well,
and then be kind of lax with them.
- Yeah, really, fuck it up! - You'd be like--
(applause) (overlapping mumbling)