[ Bell ]
(man) If I can get you in here.
All right, guys.
This is a really fun one
today on "Fameless."
This is called "Pitch Fit."
So you guys are gonna be part of our celebrity panel,
along with Valarie.
Valarie, thank you also for being here.
On a show where we let a co-host pitch their TV idea to us
and we make a complete mess of it.
Love it, so are we gonna just play ourselves?
Yeah, but why don't you be,
like, ass (bleep) versions of yourselves?
Will you-- Would you mind doing that?
That'd be easy for you.
Oh!
Hi, guys.
Hi, Jason.
Hi.
Welcome to Hollywood.
Well, thank you.
I'm from Oklahoma, so this is a huge change.
I can't wait to get my ass in there and pitch my idea
because I know that I'm gonna
win over everybody
and everyone's gonna literally be fighting for my story.
I pretty much know that today is gonna be an awesome day
because I'm not only awesome,
but my shirt is (bleep) awesome.
And yeah, it's my lucky donut shirt, and you know what?
It's gonna bring me gold today.
Before we start,
please bring in the next pitcher.
Hi.
How's it going?
Dave, Jason.
Today you've brought a new TV concept
for our panel to consider, is that correct?
That is very correct.
Today, you have the opportunity to get the golden green light.
If you get the golden green light,
your idea will be developed by a major network.
(exhaling)
What?
And the pitch begins ...
Hi.
No, oh, sorry.
(ding)
Now.
Okay, it's basically a show based on me
and my identical twin brother.
I'm gay, he's straight.
We own a vapor store back in Oklahoma together.
He has identical twin girls with my best friend back home
who is a lesbian,
who they were having sex together without me knowing it
and she conceived his twin daughters.
(ding)
Um...
I'm hooked.
And that's what you want to do,
the moment you're in the room, hook 'em.
Good.
So is--
I'm seeing this as a musical, right?
Yeah. 'Cause of "Oklahoma."
I mean,
it's a great play.
I loved when you said a vapor shop.
Immediately, my mind goes to, like, a ghost.
Like, a supernatural thing.
Girl... Okay.
What is the title
of your show?
I would like to call it "Tornado Alley,"
just because that's Oklahoma.
My issue is the title.
The title-- I mean, that's--
Think of another title. Dave...
Yup.
Let's hear your pitch.
Okay.
So this is "Alien Meets Wiener."
There's Jules the alien.
He comes to earth and the first person they--
he meets, is a wiener dog.
The twist is that this dog is actually a ghost of a dead dog.
There's a musical number.
(Kari) And what was the title again?
"Alien Meets Wiener."
(Kari) Clever.
Which I'm open to changes.
No, but that's-- No, that's--
No, not a thing, that is very clever.
Um, this dog has a brother dog.
Both twins. On either side and...
...one of the twin dogs is gay.
Okay.
Realistically, that's not even a show.
Everything he's saying is mimicking what I already said,
so he's clearly not an original thinker.
We have two soft maybes.
Truthfully,
there's one hard almost.
What we will do is give you an opportunity...
...to switch pitch.
What?
You can choose to take the pitch
that has more momentum, Dave's pitch,
and carry it home to the finish line.
You want me to pitch his idea?
It's not his story.
It's my pitch.
Switch pitch.
No, this is insane.
That's how switch pitch works.
(Valarie) Yeah.
No, not a thing.
Congratulations for not winning.
See what I'm seeing?
Yeah.
(Kari) Yeah.
I think you guys would be amazing on another show.
What?
We could call it, um...
Maybe "Fameless."
Ooh, I like that.
"Fameless"?
Yeah.
It's the prank show that you're on right now.
Wait, what? Wait, this?
You're on a prank show right now, dude.
What?
What the (bleep)?
I'm not pitching a real show?
Okay.
You all get a high one, especially you.
Me?
And you!
(Jason) Come on!
I don't know what's real anymore.
The whole time I'm like
what the hell is he doing here?
I was like he is the most
retarded --
no offense
that's a bad word to use
Just like very slow.
Not all there. There's a screw loose.
And I was like, "He must have some amazing idea?"
And then he opens that and it's
about a dog and an alien.
I literally almost took my paper and walked off.
I was like [bleep] you guys
I'm going home.
David Spade, you are literally...
a piece of shit.
I'm just gonna leave it at that.