>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE HERE WITH THE AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK "LET ME FINISH."
GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE.
GOVERNOR, LET ME ASK YOU THIS, GOVERNOR.
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH TRUMP FOR HOW LONG.
>> 17 YEARS.
>> Stephen: YOU SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME.
>> I LIKE HIM.
>> Stephen: WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T SEEM-- HE DEMANDS LOYALTY.
HE DOESN'T SEEM THAT LOYAL HIMSELF.
>> I DON'T ENGAGE IN FRIENDSHIPS TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT.
>> Stephen: BUT TRUMP IS FAMOUSLY TRANSACTIONAL IN
EVERYTHING, INCLUDING HIS FRIENDSHIPS.
HE'LLS TO ANYBODY UNDER THE BUS.
>> YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW?
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: RIGHT, SO HOW DO YOU STILL BE FRIENDS WITH
SOMEONE WHO SHOWS NO PERSONAL LOYALTY TO YOU?
>> LISTEN, THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT IT'S A LOT OF YEARS.
IT'S 17 YEARS OF A FRIENDSHIP.
AND I UNDERSTAND WHAT POLITICS IS.
I'VE ENGAGED IN IT FOR A 99 OF YEARS OF MY LIFE.
AND I UNDERSTAND THERE ARE TIMES WHEN THINGS HAPPEN IN POLITICS
WHERE YOU HAVE TO BE A BIG BOY, PULL YOUR PANTS UP AND WALK
AWAY, AND THAT'S WHAT I DID.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT SPANKED.
>> NO, NO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON'T-- I DON'T-- NO, NO.
I SAID "PULL THE PANTS UP," NOT DOWN.
>> Stephen: YES, SPANKING'S OVER.
"YOU CAN GO, CHRIS.
YOU CAN GO."
>> NO SPANKING.
>> Stephen: "GET ON THE PLANE."
>> I GOT KICKED IN THE REAR END OUT AND IT'S NEVER A PLEASANT
FEELING TO HAVE THAT DONE TO YOURSELF.
AND I WASN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT AS I WROTE IN THE BOOK.
THE COUNTRY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OF THIS.
WHY DO I STILL TRY TO HELP?
WE HAVE ONE PRESIDENT AT A TIME.
REQUEST I CAN DO ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM BETTER, IF I CAN DO
ANYTHING TO HELP THE COUNTRY, THAT'S MY JOB TO DO.
AND IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY EGO, AND IT'S MORE IMPORTANT
THAN IF I FEEL LIKE I WAS SLIGHTED.
AND I KNOW THAT'S KIND OF A NERDY WAY TO LOOK AT IT.
THAT'S THE WAY I LOOK AT IT.
BELIEVE ME, MY WIFE AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT, EITHER.
BUT AT THE END OF THE IT, THE COUNTRY IS MORE IMPORTANT, AND
THAT'S WHY I DO IT.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR ME TO DO.
I AM NOT GETTING ANYTHING OUT OF IT "THE COUNTRY" GOT ABOUT FIVE
PEOPLE TO APPLAUD.
>> Stephen: I HAVE TWO MORE QUESTIONS AND WE'LL FIGURE THIS
OUT LATER.
IF THIS WAS THE STATE OF THE UNION THIS WOULD BE LIVE AND I
WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS AND I WOULD BE DONE BY
NOW.
WOULDN'T THAT BE SAD?
THANK YOU, NANCY PELOSI.
>> I LOVE NANCY, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN
TRUMP?
>> YES.
( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S NICE.
WHO IS YOUR CONSTITUENCY NOW?
I MEAN, WHO IS-- WHO IS-- AND I'M GOING TO SAY THIS IN THE
NICEST POSSIBLE WAY-- >> YOU KNOW HE'S SCREWING ME
NOW.
THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: WHO LIKES YOU.
I'LL TELL YOU WHY-- >> YOU DO, STEPHEN.
YOU DO.
>> Stephen: MORE OF THIS AND I MIGHT.
>> COME ON, LET'S GO.
( APPLAUSE )
DEAL-- YOU LEFT THE GOVERNORSHIP OF NEW JERSEY AT HISTORIC LOW
APPROVAL RATING, 15%.
>> WHO CARES?
>> Stephen: THE PEOPLE-- I'M JUST ASKING YOU.
YOU CAN SAY, "I DON'T CARE."
I'M ASKING WHO?
WHO IS YOUR CONSTITUENCY?
THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE TRUMP DON'T LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU
SUPPORT HIM AND HELPED GET HIM ELECTED.
THE PEOPLE AROUND TRUMP PROBABLY DON'T LIKE YOU TOO MUCH BECAUSE
OF YOUR DAMN BOOK.
AND THE PEOPLE OF YOUR HOME STATE ARE LIKE, "THERE'S THE
DOOR."
>> WAIT A SECOND -- >> Stephen: WHO DO YOU GO TO
AND THEY GO, "WOOOO!
CHRIS CHRISTIE."
>> MOST OF YOUR STAFF BACK STAGE THERE.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
>> OH, YEAH, THERE'S SOME CONSTITUENCY THERE.
OH, YEAH.
( APPLAUSE )
THEY'RE BACK THERE.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE ALL SHAKING THEIR HEAD.
"NO, NO, NO, NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO!" >> TYPICAL CIZZING THE REAR END
OF THE BOSS.
LET ME TELL YOU, THERE ARE A BUNCH OF JERSEY PEOPLE BACK
THERE AND THEY LIKED ME.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
THE 15% WORK FOR ME!
( LAUGHTER ).
>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING -- >> Stephen: I THOUGHT WE HAD
THE BEST.
>> ABOUT 3% OF THEM.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> HERE'S THE THING, HERE'S THE THING, WHEN IT MATTERED, WHEN IT
REALLY MATTERED, WHEN I WAS RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION I GOT
61% OF THE VOTE.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF AFTER EIGHT YEARS THEY DON'T WANT TO KICK YOU OUT YOU DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT.
ALL YOU DID WAS KISS REAR END FOR EIGHT YEARS.
I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ANYBODY LIKING ME.
I DID THE JOB AND YOU LOOK ACROSS THE RIVER NOW, AND THEY
CAN'T EVEN CLEAR THE SNOW.
SO, LET'S-- LET'S-- LET'S LOOK BACK ON THINGS THE WAY IT
HAPPENED, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: IT HASN'T REALLY SNOWED THAT MUCH THIS YEAR.
I LIVE OVER THERE.
>> HOW ABOUT, HOW ABOUT, HOW ABOUT IN NOVEMBER?
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT SNOWSTORM IN NOVEMBER?
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
>> DID YOU DRIVE AROUND-- WERE YOU FLYING, DRIVING.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING THEN?
>> Stephen: I HAVE A HOVER-CRAFT.
>> LET ME JUST TELL YOU, YOU MIGHT BE SOMEWHAT FAMILIAR WITH
NEW JERSEY.
>> Stephen: YES.
SOMEWHAT FAMILIAR WITH NEW JERSEY?
>> YOU MIKE.
>> Stephen: I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU RIGHT HERE, THE STATE
BIRD.
>> ME, TOO, I GOT IT.
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S RIGHT BACK HERE, TOO, BE CAREFUL.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> HERE'S THE THING -- >> Stephen: THIS IS MORE FUN
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE, BY THE WAY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND IT'S NOT JUST THIS.
>> NO.
IT TOOK ME FIVE HOURS AND 40 MINUTES TO DRIVE FROM
HILLSBOROUGH TO MENDON, WHICH IS USUALLY A 35-MINUTE RIDE, IN THE
SNOWSTORM IN NOVEMBER, BECAUSE NO ONE CLEARED THE STREETS.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> YOU GOTTA CLEAR THE STREETS, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> IF YOU DON'T CLEAR THE SNOW OFF THE STREETS --
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO MURPHY FOR YOU?
HE MIGHT HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE DRIVING AND SAID, "GET THE SNOW
PLOWS AWAY FROM THAT GUY."
>> I HAVE NO DOUBT-- I HAVE NO DOUBT HE WOULD HAVE DONE, THAT
BUT THE PROBLEM IS HE GOT THEM AWAY FROM EVERYBODY ELSE, TOO,
AND THEY WERE PRETTY ANGRY WITH HIM WHILE HE WAS HAVING AN
EXPENSIVE DINNER.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE RUNNING FOR OFFICE AGAIN SOME DAY.
>> HELL, NO.
>> Stephen: YES, YOU ARE.
>> LISTEN.
YOU JUST TOLD ME I'M THE MOST UNPOPULAR PERSON IN THE WORLD.
WHY WOULD I RUN FOR OFFICE.
>> Stephen: POLITICS IS STRANGE, YOU KNOW.
PEOPLE COME AND PEOPLE GO.
AND THEY GO WE LIKE HIM NOW.
>> GUESS WHAT?
TONIGHT, THE BEGINNING OF THE COMEBACK, BABY, HERE IT IS, ON
THE "STEPHEN COLBERT SHOW."
>> Stephen: MY FAULT.
>> YOU'VE DONE IT.
ALL YOUR FAULT.
GREAT TO BE WITH YOU, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: THE BOOK IS "LET ME FINISH," AVAILABLE NOW.
GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE, EVERYBODY!