How's your little doggie, Dotty?
She's good.
She's very, very happy.
I didn't want to interrupt.
No.
That was on your way up, and then you put it down.
Mm-hmm.
She's good.
She's very, very happy.
You know, Scotty and I have had many dogs our whole life,
but this particular dog, there was a little problem we
weren't familiar with.
And it was a little bit of an un-- there she is, yeah.
It was a little bit uncomfortable situation.
And I say this without a shred of general female experience.
She had a little problem down south.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
And so we were concerned, because she
would be sitting there, and she'd be, you know,
she was itching.
And so she took care of it like dogs
do, with a lot of enthusiasm.
And so I had to close my eyes and say, oh my god,
she's having an ice cream cone, you know what I mean?
And so then-- so then we were worried.
So of course, we took her to the vet
and right away, you know, the vet's like,
don't worry about a thing.
This is very common.
It's probably just from being groomed.
They cut her everywhere a little too close.
It was a little irritated.
So he gave us a little cream for us
to put it on her paw-paw patch.
Right?
So did you ever hear that nursery rhyme?
Way down yonder in the paw-paw patch.
Anybody?
OK.
So we got home and, of course, right away she
couldn't wait to go yonder again and, of course,
I drew the short straw.
So I somehow had to put the cream on,
and Scotty very lovingly held her, and I got the cream,
and I was, like, you know, like that.
It was like playing pin the tail on the paw-paw patch.
And he's like, to the right, to the left, to the right,
and I'm like, boom, got it.
And it was like she was better in a day.
That cream was amazing, and she was happy as a clam.
What is the clam?
I just have a little tic in my eye.
All right.
Let's talk about something else.
OK.
Yeah.
You've been traveling a lot.
I travel.
Yeah, I traveled to London.
What did you do in London?
Why were we there?
Oh, my god.
I'm so glad you asked.
So I went to London, because we had
to go promote Will and Grace over in England.
And it's doing very well there.
And I had a couple days off.
So Scotty and I are major Harry Potter fans.
A little weird because we're so old?
No?
But we're big sci-fi fantasy fans.
So we took two days off, and the first day we
saw Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, which is a new play.
It's unbelievable.
Spoiler alert.
The curse is that it's 6 and 1/2 hours long, which is fun.
But it's like, you know, you see it in one day with a break
or in two days.
But it's amazing.
Go see it.
Is it really six hours?
It's 6 and 1/2 hours long.
Wow.
And then the next day, we did the Harry Potter Warner
Brothers tour in London.
It's unbelievable.
It's just so crazy.
And oh, there we are.
There we are.
Wow.
Uh-huh.
That looks fun.
That's me on the way to the tour.
I see.
Yeah.
We took our broomsticks.
Yeah.
And so-- is it over?
No, not yet.
It's as long as my stories.
So we stayed at this hotel, which is really cool.
And I can't say the name because of the story,
but it was really, really cool.
And the first day I was at this hotel, I started itching,
like, my legs a little bit.
I was, like, what is the deal?
And then the second day, I did it again.
And the third day, it got worse.
I'm like, oh crap.
You would think it was--
OK.
You would think it was bed bugs.
Right?
You would think it was bed bugs, right?
I did.
That's OK.
I have to write all her checks and have her sign.
She's like-- she's like on another planet.
But anyway, so I have-- so it was, like,
so I was like itching, itching, itching.
And the hotel is, like, we did the dog thing, like,
the inspection and did all the things.
And it wasn't bed bugs.
I didn't know what it was.
So in the bathroom, they had this moisturizing lotion.
So I yelled out to Scotty.
I was, like, oh my gosh, they have moisturizing lotion.
I'm going to put in on my-- you know, he's like,
if you think I'm putting that on your paw-paw patch, forget it.
So I was, like, you know, so like I rub it on my legs,
and it was burning and it went away.
I don't know what it was.
Isn't that what people do?
[APPLAUSE]
Isn't that what people do?
That's an unsatisfying ending.
I wanted it-- we need closure.
OK.
So here's the closure.
What was it?
Just make it up.
So the closure--
I don't know what it was.
It must have been, like, I don't know.
Flea bites or I thought it was awfully rainy in London
to be dry.
So I thought it was dry skin or something.
But anyway, listen.
I missed your-- do we have the thing?
I missed your birthday--
Yeah.
--while I was in London.
I know.
Your birthday party.
I'm so sorry I wasn't there.
And so I got you something.
Mm-hmm.
And I know you're a vegan.
It's behind your chair.
Right behind your chair.
Yes.
Oh, here it is.
I know you're vegan.
But I got you a beefeater hat.
[APPLAUSE]
And I-- uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
They were out of the large.
So I got you the small.
This is-- and my head is so tiny, it barely fits.
It's huge.
I think it looks fine.
All right.
Would it fit-- can you drive with it?
I think so.
Yeah.
If I take the top down, I think I'll be fine.
Sure.
Yeah.