[MUSIC]
Growing up, I desperately wanted to feel a sense of connection and belonging.
As an Asian American raised in New Canaan, Connecticut,
there were very few people of color and even fewer who looked like me.
And I didn't need to look myself in the mirror to see that I was different.
Instead my classmates reminded me of it, every single day.
They'd slant their eyes on me in the hallway,
instead of saying hello they greet me by saying, konichiwa, and
they call me nicknames like Jackie Chan.
Now in most cases,
these actions were delivered as jokes rather than ill spirited racism.
But regardless, the message was clear.
I didn't fit in.
At first, I was frustrated and confused.
I collected Pokemon cards just like everyone else.
I watched SpongeBob just like everyone else.
I thought I was American just like everyone else.
Eventually, frustration and
confusion turned into darker feelings of loneliness and self doubt.
I'm not good enough, I told myself.
I'm not white enough.
I don't fit in.
To combat these insecurities, I began to shun my Asian nests.
I ignored my Chinese teacher.
I refuse to eat sushi or use chopsticks.
I was even more excited to celebrate St. Patrick's Day than Chinese New Year.
kind of crazy.
But at the end of the day, I still looked Asian.
And so the jokes still came.
Humans have two basic but powerful psychological needs.
The first is to fit in, the second is to stand out.
We all want to feel a sense of belonging, and yet, we all also want to feel special.
A study conducted in 2019 found that over 60% of Americans report feeling lonely.
Another survey found that 8 and 10 millennials believe,
they aren't good enough.
I felt disheartened hearing these statistics, but
they also reminded me that I am not alone in feeling alone.
When my grandfather, who we call Jaya immigrated from China in 1951.
He arrived in the US with nothing and with no one.
He told my dad that he often felt hungry, homesick, and alone.
The language barrier made it nearly impossible for
him to connect with other Americans.
But while he was pursuing his master's at the University of Michigan,
he began to develop an interest in American sports.
He then moved to New York City where that interest evolved into a lifelong passion
for several New York sports teams.
As a kid, I remember him sporting a grey New York Giants crewneck
sweatshirt anytime he came to visit us.
It took me several years to fully grasp the importance of Jaya's love for sports.
But I now see how becoming a sports fan helped him fit in.
In 2004, my grandparents moved in with us.
And for the next seven years, Jaya didn't miss a single Michigan football game.
He watched every single New York Giants, Yankees, Rangers, and Knicks game.
Why you might ask?
Because they reminded him of the happiest moments of his life.
The times when he felt like an insider, rather than an outsider.
Sports with a common bond that helped him to transcend differences and
connect with his classmates, colleagues, and grandchildren.
Today, I want to propose a new solution for
conquering feelings of loneliness and self doubt.
I want everyone here to consider sports as a cure for the fear of disconnection.
When we feel alone, what we need most is connection with others.
And sports have a unique superpower that brings people
together regardless of background.
Sports that outsiders and insiders.
Take for example how becoming a sports fan instantly connects you with the community.
When we feel invested in a sport, or team, or an athlete, we automatically feel
a sense of camaraderie with others with similar affinities.
Sports Psychologist Dr. Daniel Wan has conducted multiple studies that have found
statistically significant correlations between sports team identification, and
several measures of mental health, Including self esteem and
life satisfaction.
And sports are accessible to anyone.
There are no prerequisites, no membership fees, and no application processes.
Sports also gives us a platform to build deeper relationships.
Research conducted by Professor Brian Uzi at the Kellogg School of Management,
found that the secret to building deep relationships is shared experiences.
And while there are many different types of shared experiences, sports are unique
in their inherent combination of socialness, levity, and authenticity.
Consider the fact that 95 of the top 100 most watched TV programs last year,
were sports telecasts.
Or consider the fact that there are thousands of sports bars around the world.
But I have yet to come across any movie bars or politics bars.
Has anyone here ever been to a weather bar?
Yeah, me neither.
Sports are built in social events that allow us to build and
grow human connection.
In May, 2012,
I attended a college lacrosse game that changed my life forever.
On that day, I met an incredible girl named Amy.
Now on the surface Amy and I had very little in common.
Amy was a blonde haired, blue eyed politics, and
philosophy major from rural Virginia.
Not how I describe myself.
But on that day,
sports allowed us to focus on the things we shared rather than our differences.
We shared our first meal together,
a warm sugar coated funnel cake from the concession stand.
And we cheered on our classmates from the bleachers together.
10 years later, and I can't wait to marry Amy this fall.
Yeah, without sports, we may have never realized the potential for
a fulfilling, lifelong relationship.
And finally, sports enable us to embrace our differences.
Consider Serena Williams,
who dove head first into a sport lawn associated with money and privilege.
Serena's gone on to win 23 Grand Slam singles titles and
is the only American, male or female, to have won more than 20 majors.
Serena has become one of the greatest athletes of all time.
In a recent interview Serena shared.
I wouldn't be who I am, I wouldn't be as strong as I am,
I wouldn't have been able to be as amazing as I have been so
far in my career, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't black.
Being Asian in America is hard.
Being a minority in America is hard.
You can't help but think about the things that make you different, every single day.
But as sports have helped me to feel more connected to the world,
I've been able to reframe those differences.
I wouldn't have had the same life experiences, if I wasn't Asian.
I wouldn't have the same view of the world, if I wasn't Asian.
I wouldn't be standing here today, if I wasn't Asian.
If I wasn't Asian, I wouldn't be me.
When sports helped me to fit in, being Asian empowers me to stand out.
Jaya spent 60 years in America before passing in 2011 after
a 10 year battle with Parkinson's disease.
But his love for sports lives deep in the hearts of my dad,
my three younger brothers, and myself.
He taught us a universal language, the language of sports, that has helped us
to build bridges to our American side of being Asian American I'm
16 years old playing running back from my high school's varsity football team.
As I jog out of the locker room and onto the field, I no longer see slanted eyes.
No one says konichiwa, no one calls me Jackie Chan.
Instead, I'm greeted with high fives and chest bumps.
As I joined my teammates in the huddle on the field,
the quarterback Jimmy simply turns to me and says, let's go brother.
Embracing sports is the single most important thing I've done for myself.
It's been my cheat code for fostering connection and combating loneliness.
Here at the GSB, I have built valuable friendships on the soccer
field at Maples Pavilion, and at Old Pro, the sports bar downtown.
By giving me a home where I fit in, sports have given me the courage
to embrace my differences and appreciate how special it is to be Asian American.
I'm Asian, and I'm American.
I fit in, and I stand out.
So the next time you feel alone, or like you're not good enough,
find a sport, or team, or an athlete that interests you.
It could be one of Stanford's 36 varsity sports teams.
Or it could be your daughter's little league team.
And then go watch a game.
You never know who you might meet.
>> [APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC]