>> Today's episode is brought to you by Keeps.
>> Head on over to keeps.com/rogue,
that's R-O-G-U-E and you get your first month free.
Keeps, play for keeps!
That's, uh--
>> That's not their slogan. [Brian laughs]
>> That's--I'm just telling you, that's my slogan.
>> That's your slogan?
>> Yeah. >>> Play for keeps.
[synthetic rumble]
[electric pop] [gentle vinyle static]
[rising chime]
>> It's weird to be a responsible adult who's on a quest
to develop a deadly weapon out of household items.
>> It's even weirder to teach people on the internet
how to build deadly weapons.
>> Even weirder, is the people on the internet
who I assume are all younger than us
are giving us tips on how to make it more deadly.
>> They did give us some diabolical recipes.
Now, what we did, was took various sizes of balloons
and basically key rings
and then put little BBs in them
to mixed degree of success.
>> BRIAN: Sure, sure!
[rubber snapping in place] [can banging and ringing out]
>> EVAN: Slightly reduced force!
[uproarious cheering]
>> BRIAN: Oh, got them good!
[clattering]
And, of course, what we're doing
is replicating a slingshot.
And a slingshot can be a deadly weapon,
you can embed a big old fat piece of shot
right in someone's skull and they are out forever, right?
>> Yeah, so how can we improve that?
>> Well, improve is a weird word.
>> Sure.
>> How can we make it more dangerous, also a weird phrase.
[laughing]
All I know is that we were told three things.
We were told, number one,
if you want it to stop hitting your hand,
which one of us had a problem with,
then you would probably want to use the top of a soda bottle.
Second of all, if we wanted to get more draw on it,
we shouldn't use balloons but instead
use the fingers out of latex gloves.
And finally, we had a number of people that says,
"Hey, ball bearings are fine,
"but if you really want to do some damage,
"get yourself some kind of like stabby, jabby weapon."
>> Stabby was the word I was going to use
and it's also one of my favorite words of my entire lexicon.
>> Okay, all right.
So we've got latex gloves, we've got barbecue skewers,
we've got soda cans, and duct tape,
and, of course, something to cut everything up.
I guess we just, what?
Give it a try, see what happens?
>> Yeah.
I think, really, some of the question is
how deep do we go on the soda bottle?
>> I'm going to imagine, I don't know,
I don't want to over complicate it.
We'll start with this one and just see how that feels.
You want to cut off a finger of this bad boy? >> Yep.
>> So I assume, if it were to hit,
it's going to hit this plastic thing
so it forms a shield inside
so you're not going to injure your finger as you go,
*blop* like that. >> Wait, say that--
say again what you're thinking.
>> It wouldn't hit our fingers.
>> I was thinking that it was going to be like that.
>> What the--like a silly blunderbuss?
>> Yeah! >> No, no, no!
>> No? >> [incredulously] It's got to be like this, are you kidding me?
It fits into your hand, it protects your hand
and you pull back and it fires.
That's got to be it!
>> I don't know, I don't know.
>> You know what? We'll try it your way--
>> We'll try both. >> [laughing] And my way.
>> I don't know.
>> You load the skewer in like this,
you grab it, you pull back,
oh my god, this is going to be wicked.
Simulation time, ready?
If you pull back it goes...
[impotent clatter] >> Okay.
[restrained laughter] >> That's not--
That was a poor simulation. >> [facetiously] Very impressive!
>> Nope, okay, all right, forget the simulation.
[laughing]
>> Two failed simulations, great start!
Uh that's--looks like the middle finger.
>> Okay, perfect, that's the name of this device, The Middle Finger.
>> [giddy] I like it.
>> I just have it in there like that,
away from all the camera people and everything,
I'm not even going to tape it, but watch this, watch this.
Right, simulation, ready?
[snap]
>> JASON: Yeah, yeah.
Not sold yet?
>> I don't know, still working on it.
[full-bodied latex slap]
[sigh] Is your dumb blunderbuss thing the right idea?
I would hate to believe that.
>> JASON: We're about to find out.
>> Nope, it just pokes a hole in it.
It just, it just is an abject--
>> JASON: Really?
>> Look, it turns out, abstinence is the only way to prevent
failure to kill somebody.
>> No wonder you've got three children.
[Brian laughing]
>> This is where I step away.
[faint pop]
[Brian gasps]
[in disbelief] >> The blunderbuss is the right way to do it!
>> Yeah, I'm thinking we should've gotten dish gloves, though.
Because these latex gloves, they're real fragile, right?
>> So we'll double up, man.
You saw American Pie, come on!
There you go, so this is doubled.
>> Yeah. >> BRIAN: You want to triple them up?
>> What are talking--why are you putting it on your hand?
I don't understand.
>> Because otherwise, it's very hard
to get one glove inside of another.
>> Oh! Okay. [laughs]
>> Like, this is step one.
>> Yeah, you're right.
Give me your finger.
>> Nope, nope, nope!
Okay, so there's three layers.
>> Yep. [Brian stammers]
>> JASON: See if you can get it all off now.
>> I don't even know that we have to get it all off.
>> Oh yeah. >> Now that these are nested, right?
Okay, hold on, okay.
[beeping] [chuckles]
Did I sc--did I get you at all?
>> A little bit.
>> A little bit, okay all right, there.
>> Just a little bit.
>> I'm a-okay.
[both giggling]
We're adults.
[cackling]
>> The definition of that word loses meaning
with every episode.
>> I mean, look, we're property owners,
[through laughter] we're celebrities.
>> I can't even, oh, there it is.
>> Everything about this scares me.
Eye protection--
>> Oh, you want me to go get the eye protection?
>> I'm still not giving up on the idea that
maybe this is the smart way to do it.
Like this, right?
Here, grab your blunderbuss.
All right, ready?
>> JASON: Ready!
>> BRIAN: Three, two, one, fire.
Did I say fart?
>> Is that what you usually say?
[laughter]
Is that how they did it in track and field day,
when you were a kid?
>> I know that fart is--
>> Ready, set,
[bleep] your pants!
>> I know that fart is German for speed,
that's a real thing.
I think part of the reason they're not sailing straight
is because we have these flingledoodles at the end, right?
So I say we just break those off--
>> Ah, good call.
>> There you go, so try that.
>> Got one, I got one.
>> You got it? Okay.
Okay.
Preparing to fart!
[caught off guard laughter]
[bewildered] Where did that come from?
>> I don't know!
>> BRIAN: Three, two, one, fart!
Cool.
>> I think at a distance it was about the same.
>> At some point, they run out of steam
and hit wind resistance and just flutter down.
What do you think the effect of distance is on these?
>> Let's go with about 15 feet.
>> 15 feet? >> Right? Yeah.
>> Okay, all right.
So here, let's move this over and we'll set up a target.
All right, point blank range,
blunderbuss and non-crazy version,
three, two, one!
[thudding]
[Jason laughs]
I mean, that's something.
>> JASON: That's something.
>> BRIAN: Let me try another.
>> I don't know if we're terribly deadly.
>> We're certainly annoying.
[both laugh]
>> JASON: It's a weapon of harassment at this point.
>> BRIAN: All right, here we go,
I'm going to pull back really far this time.
I'm going to see how deep I can go,
three, two, one!
[thud]
No!
Wow, the farther back I pulled,
the less it wanted to shoot the right way.
>> Okay, let me try.
[thud]
[mockingly] Hmm, this one works fine.
>> God dammit, if the blunderbuss is the right way
then I'm going to be so mad.
[Jason laughs]
Okay, all right.
[thud]
God! Every time, mine's like whoop,
swooping off to the--
>> Yeah, oh I noticed. >> Do it again!
>> JASON: Here we go.
[thud]
Oh!
[Brian laughs triumphantly]
[distinct snapping release and slowed thud]
>> Also, you're pregnant now!
Ha ha! >> No.
God.
>> I'm going to not overdo it.
No, I...
think I want to overdo it.
[thud]
[frustrated sigh]
Dude!
Does it really matter which way it goes‽
>> I think it might.
>> BRIAN: They're both set up the same way
so I could just try the reverse firing.
>> Yeah.
>> I can feel it breaking.
[chuckles] >> Yeah!
[muffled snap]
Oh no!
>> What was that‽
Oh, it got caught!
>> Did you triple bag it there?
>> I did! >> Okay.
>> Now I'm down to one, I just felt it break.
This is all just one, let's see, let's see.
[Brain laughs triumphantly]
>> All right, all right.
>> It worked!
>> All right, here we go.
I think I've got one, maybe two left in here.
>> I think it should only be one layer maybe.
>> Hmm, maybe so.
>> Just be gentle!
[thud]
Blunderbuss, man!
So I'm going to try to pull it back
as far as I can, hoping it doesn't break.
Oh, I can hear it kind of cracking.
[soft thud]
[laughter]
>> BRIAN: It was just, like, the wood equivalent of like, meh.
[both laugh]
I'm still not convinced that this handle in the back is--
I'm convinced there's something bad about it, right?
>> Okay. >> I don't know, it feels right.
>> JASON: Okay.
>> BRIAN: This is a single layer and no tail.
[thud]
That flew much truer.
>> That was pretty good.
>> You could see it kind of move off to the side.
Let me try one more just for grins.
Because that felt, also, look,
it looks like it penetrated a little bit deeper.
Ah, no, we're too far away.
[thud]
Dude, yours was good!
>> Pretty good.
>> My guess is, when we did the horse archery,
none of them went in at 35 different angles,
I'm going to guess that this is
an indication that what we have is not aerodynamic,
that it's barely kind of flopping up against it.
You can see this one, I don't know,
penetrated maybe a quarter of an inch or something.
>> Yeah, they're all going about the same depth, too.
Really not much of a difference.
>> Here, in fact, if you turn it around,
the ones--these are the point blank ones
that really penetrated.
These are the ones when we tried to get some distance.
>> I'm not super impressed.
>> Well, the part I am impressed
is that none of us hit our hands.
>> That's true.
>> Apparently using a bottle top does definitely help.
Weirdly, I thought there would be a big difference
between firing from the inside and using this as a shield
versus the blunderbuss--
>> I don't know if there's a super
big improvement either way.
>> Yeah. Although, we were using spears, [bloop]
so the spears going back, you're not going to
run the risk of hitting your hand. >> Right.
>> But I don't know how much that mattered.
I'll tell you this much,
I feel like this would do less damage than when
we were using the ball bearings and the balloons.
>> As a weapon of harassment,
I would definitely opt for the prior.
>> This doesn't seem any more reliable.
>> And these are flimsy,
you're going to have to replace these pretty frequently.
>> Okay, look, there is a solution here
but we need the folks in the comments to set us straight,
because it's not this.
I'd be better off just,
[skewer stabbing]
See, that's more dangerous, I should be doing that.
>> JASON: I like where your head's at.
[skewer stabbing]
>> BRIAN: Okay, all right,
just back away slowly, it's fine.
>> Oh yeah?
>> No, no, no, I can run.
Also, you can't hit me from here, [bleep] you.
>> It's probably true. [Brian laughing]
All right, Brian, I'm like three to five years out
from having to go full Statham.
[stammering]
>> You're going to adopt a British accent?
>> Yeah, yeah, and some martial arts.
[laughs]
But also, my hair! >> Rescuing people,
and transporting from place to place.
>> And my hair! I'm going to have to shave my head,
is what I'm saying. >> Why?
What's wrong with your head?
>> It's going, it's going, I'm getting old.
>> Your head is going?
>> My head, yeah, it's going to fall right off!
[laughter] That's what happens!
That's what happens.
>> I assume what you're saying is that
we are the target demographic for our friends over at Keeps!
>> JASON: Yes! >> BRIAN: Used to be that keeping your hair
was like a big hairy deal, you had to talk to your doctor
and be like, [nasal voice] "Meh, I don't know."
You had to see his judging eyes,
his beady judging doctor's eyes.
>> They would bring other nurses in
to laugh at you, back in the day.
>> All of that is in the past,
thanks to our friends at Keeps.
You take a photo of your hairline
and you say, "Hey, I'm thinning on top."
And by the way, this is the real stuff.
>> They actually provide generic versions
of the only two FDA approved hair loss drugs.
And they do it over the internet
and it takes you, like, five minutes to sign up.
It's super easy.
>> BRIAN: Even better, they're like,
"What if you give you this medicine
"and you got it for about half the cost
that it would cost if you went to your local pharmacy?"
>> 10 to $35 a month.
>> We're playing for Keeps!
We're the Keeps team!
>> They didn't say that.
>> You and I are diving in full force.
We're going to get the full Keeps treatment
and everybody should at home
if they want to keep their freaking hair.
Go to keeps.com/rogue, that's R-O-G-U-E,
you get one month free and it's super affordable!
And you don't have to see a doctor
with their beady doctor's eyes.
[laughs]
>> I'm really worried about
what doctors you've been going to.
>> It's a mole. [laughs]
[incredulously] >> It's just a mole‽
>> Yeah, just a mole, he just paws at me
and then hands me a prescription.
>> Now I'm concerned about what you thinks doctors are
and what you think moles are.
>> Keeps.com/rogue, keep the doctor beady eyes
where they belong!
>> Yeah. >> In their doctor castle!
>> They have castles now.
♪ [smooth music]
>> Get lots of eye protection for everybody!
[tape unspooling]
Holy crap, we're growing up,
we have a whole bin of eye protection!
[static and wind]
All right, right on.
-- CC BY REV -- ** MODIFIED BY BIZARRE MAGIC **