He's gonna take you back to the past
To play the shitty games that suck ass
He'd rather have, a buffalo, take
a diarrhea dump in his ear...
He'd rather eat...
The rotten asshole, of a road-killed skunk, and down it with beer.
He's the angriest gamer you ever heard.
He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd.
Alright, this time we have a guest reviewer, and I don't know. This might be kind of weird, but hey come here.
No, not there (shit pickle.)
Hey, tell them- (shit pickle) Tell them your name
Shiit Pickle
Yeah, this is shit pickle (Shit Pickle) an- (Shit Pickle) an- (Shiit Pickle) Shit Pickle's gonna-
(Shit)
(Pickle)
Shit Pickle's gonna (shiiit) attempt to help me...
...comment on this game. Now (shit) Just it's kind of a weird one and uh...
Hey Shit Pickle you like video games?
(shiit pickle pickle pickle pickle pickle)
You like Nintendo?
(Pickle pickle pickle Shit pickle pickle) You ever play this game, "Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu"?
Yeah...
So yeah, it's a weird game and you can just tell, just by the cartridge.
And it's one of those weird baby blue cartridges.
So you can tell right off the bat that it's a big piece of fucking shit (pickle)
(Shiit Pickle)
(pickle pickle pickle pickle)
(shit pickle)
The story involves a legendary Siamese twin, Shiva from Hindu religion.
She has filled the world with Evil spirits. (shit) Your best friend Master Hu has failed to stop them,
and he's resorted to drinking, so now he's a drunk.
(pickle pickle pickle pickle) However, Master Chu has not given up hope.
It's up to him to put an end to the evil Shiva.
Sounds pretty shitty. What do you say Shit Pickle? (Shit Pickle) Yeah.
There's really only one reason to buy this game,
and that's to be able to say, "I own 'Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu'" so people can awkwardly stare at you.
(Shiiit pickle shit pickle pickle pickle)
Your objective each round is to locate all the Yin-Yang
symbols in order to fight the boss. (Shit Pickle) You can shoot energy out of your hand and you can upgrade to two shots
of energy at the same time.
You want to try, Shit Pickle? (shit pickle pickle pickle pickle pickle)
(video game music)
(Shiit Pickle Shit Pickle Shit Pickle Shit Pickle Shit Pickle)
So what do you think? (shit)
Exactly. Instead of pressing A or B to jump, like in most games, you have to press up, sort of like in "The Karate Kid".
(Shit) And maybe the control's so shitty because the programmers
were trying to make Chu seem drunk, or they were drunk themselves (Shit Pickle).
There's endless waves of spiders, snakes, and other unnameable things that come after you (Shiit Pickle Shit Pickle Shit Pickle Shit Pickle)
What are you talking about? The graphics? (Shit Pickle)
Oh, yeah, absolutely (Shit Pickle Pickle Pickle Shit Pickle Shit Pickle). The best effect in this game
is that when standing still, Chu's clothes wave around in the wind. Now let's talk about the sound.
It sucks.
It's the same for every stage, just stereotypical Chinese music playing over and over in a loop (Shit Pickle).
So after you beat the first level, the rest of the game is just the same repetitive thing over and over again.
I mean, it's more fun taking a shit (Shit)!
Each board, you collect eight Yin-Yang symbols, you fight the boss, and then you get the key.
And by the way, the key in this game is called "The Flaming Key of Freedom".
Flaming, huh? (pickle pickle pickle)
Kind of like the flame whip in "Simon's Quest"
The boss fights aren't even challenging,
because all you have to do is stand on the platform until they turn their back,
then you drop down, land a few hits, and then you repeat (shiiit pickle).
For the last boss in the game, Shiva, I was expecting something a little better,
I don't know why, but all you get is this weird statue,
and why the fuck is it green? I mean could they have picked another putrid color but green?
(Shiit Pickle) So after you beat the boss, you get to see the best ending in video game history.
(ending music plays)
What a piece of shit. (Pickle)