- We'll get five suggestions.
There'll be one from each segment of the room.
And what is going on here?
You are automatically volunteering.
You're like, we are not even waiting.
We are huge hip-hop fans.
We've got a suggestion.
You've got one.
What's it gonna be?
- I'm just gonna say you were walking and a homeless guy.
This could go one of two ways.
Either he asked for money or you saw a penis.
- He said, you be old, but you be sexy?
Let me say it, probably the best compliment
you're gonna get from a homeless man.
Right?
Okay.
Yeah.
- I thought you said it worked and you were like
just behind you sat there just a guy like, hello.
It's a great chat up line.
I'm gonna say it guys,
I think it only works if you are homeless.
I don't think you could approach someone
at a bar and be like, you are aged, but attractive.
Maybe with this accent it would.
Maybe with the- it'd be like,
hmm, you're of elderly years but,
still younger than the queen, and she's a mama.
Mmm.
Okay. You be old, but still sexy.
Was that right?
- (audience member) Be sexy.
- You'd be old, but you'd be sexy.
Amazing. Sometimes I'm just like
we don't need more suggestions for the rap.
We could just do that.
But I feel like we should add some more in
so people over here, what would you like a rap of?
There's a hand up here
from a man who looks like you serial kill on the weekends.
It's the sideburns.
Without the sideburns, you look like a lovely man.
With the sideburns,
I'm like, don't go near sorority houses please.
- If I could wrap about a keg stand?
What, sorority houses are now on your mind, aren't they?
You also didn't deny what I said.
You weren't even like, no, not on the weekends, Chris.
Weeknights. Okay.
Keg stands.
Yes. Keg stands.
You'd be old, but sexy.
And people over here, what would you like a rap about?
- I think the man who said that thing to you earlier
might be in the back corner over there.
Blow jobs for clam chowder.
I apologize for making that joke.
I know you are not a- that was not a masculine voice.
Blow jobs for clam chowder is a fantastic suggestion.
Keg stands, you be old, but you be sexy.
Back of the room, what would you like a rap about?
- Daddy issues.
Okay, how do your daddy use express themselves?
- That's how your daddy issues express themselves?
Through Parkinson's?
Okay.
Wow. I mean, that is a brutal, brutal illness.
I mean like it feels weird, '
cause like this is gonna be really fun.
That's gonna be kind of fun.
That's gonna be fun.
That'll be kind of fun.
Real downer on this one.
Okay,
sorry, this side of the room that you
didn't get to suggest anything.
I wish you had.
I wish you'd taken that fifth suggestion space.
Okay, cool.
So to remind you all,
keg stand, you be old, but you be sexy,
blow jobs for clam chowder, daddy issues,
and Parkinson's.
I might do them in that order.
I might try and skate over that one in the middle.
I feel like the big finish
can't be life limiting illness.
No.
Okay, well my lovely band they're gonna
serve me up some lovely beats.
Let's see what we're gonna do.
(band starts)
Jesus Christ Red, look at that,
some steel drums shit.
Ah, this is new.
This is new.
This is exciting.
Okay, I'm feeling the vibe.
I'm feeling the vibe and we'll start with you.
Cool.
♪ Two fine ladies in the street. ♪
♪ One of them checks me like, oh happy. ♪
♪ Oh, but I'm still sexy. ♪
♪ How do you know? ♪
♪ Oh, the hobo told me, you stop there in the middle, ♪
♪ froze the street, like repeat that. ♪
♪ So everybody hears, he stands up ♪
♪ lifts his hat over his ears and says, ♪
♪ yeah I'm gonna stare for days ♪
♪ because these ladies are fit, considering their age. ♪
♪ You don't need to qualify. ♪
♪ You can say attractive, a great topic for the rap, ♪
♪ And we had this, but this guy, ♪
♪ yeah, on my right hand, ♪
♪ looking like a murderer but he can do a keg stand. ♪
♪ He can invert that. ♪
♪ The depravity that he does, Ricky Lee, ♪
♪ but defying gravity, got the strong biceps, triceps too. ♪
♪ If I was the gymnast, I'd demonstrate to you, but I'm not. ♪
♪ Can't do it. It would evoke a smile. ♪
♪ If I was standing on my arms strong, like Simone Biles. ♪
♪ No breath there, you assume what I said? ♪
♪ Be Simone Biles. ♪
♪ That's the S and the B. ♪
♪ I'm at a frat party, sick the head. ♪
♪ I'm so drunk, but still I be slipping on kegs. ♪
♪ I'm like, watch this, guys. ♪
♪ Watch this, band. ♪
♪ They stop marching, and then I tempt to stand. ♪
♪ It doesn't work, I fall over there. ♪
♪ I hate it, I abhor it. ♪
♪ I ain't got their health insurance. ♪
♪ That's a problem with your country. ♪
♪ Back where I'm from, we've got more. ♪
♪ We've got it free going on. ♪
♪ But still, if I'm in new England, ♪
♪ I will allow a guy in my mouth for a cup of cam chow. ♪
♪ Cam clam, you gotta add the L. ♪
♪ I'll be going on my knees, I don't mind the smell. ♪
♪ The guy's not homeless, it's just a random dude. ♪
♪ He said, Chris, I was feeling in an oral mood ♪
♪ and I whipped up a batch of my clam soup earlier. ♪
♪ And so I'm down there and I'm serving ya. ♪
♪ Oh, oh, it's ever so nice. ♪
♪ I'd be fumbly. ♪
♪ And after he came, I wasn't even hungry. ♪
♪ It was so perfect. ♪
♪ He looked dishy and ♪
♪ like the clam chowder his come taste fishy. ♪
♪ I apologize for that stuff, ♪
♪ that issue, in the tissue. ♪
♪ I've got daddy issues. ♪
♪ I say Papa, ah, why am I thanking? ♪
♪ Probably I walked in one time, he was wanking. ♪
♪ And I saw him, I'm like, I'll never get the image ♪
♪ Out my eyeballs. ♪
♪ I see it and it's not quite small. ♪
♪ It's of a rich size. ♪
♪ Apologies, dad. ♪
♪ He's not here tonight, but he would feel, well sad ♪
♪ if he knew I was talking, I'll give it a twirl. ♪
♪ Flip it 'round, imagine I was not me, ♪
♪ but a girl, who was neglected. ♪
♪ Her Papa was never there. ♪
♪ Her mom was and she's great, and she really did care ♪
♪ but maybe had a different boyfriend every week. ♪
♪ The young girls like, ♪
♪ oh, I really seek a strong role model ♪
♪ for which to follow, but it didn't work. ♪
♪ She ends up with this hobo on the street outside. ♪
♪ He said the nicest thing. ♪
♪ She feels a heart fluttering and it brings ♪
♪ tears to her eyes 'cause she's in her mid fifties. ♪
♪ And the homeless man says, you look nifty. ♪
♪ She says, that'll do, we'll go to a room. ♪
♪ He says, let me tell you, I'm gonna die soon. ♪
♪ She says, why? ♪
♪ That's a shame, is not fun. ♪
♪ He says I've been diagnosed Parkinson's. ♪
♪ What are the symptoms? ♪
♪ Don't make a mistake. ♪
♪ It's harder to work 'cause your palms start to shake. ♪
♪ I think it's like some inhibitors in your nerves. ♪
♪ If you got it, it's not the end of your world. ♪
♪ You can take medication. ♪
♪ do physical therapy. ♪
♪ Still kind of not humorous or funny ♪
♪ but still we took it up. ♪
♪ Yeah. I can spit this. ♪
♪ We finished the rap. ♪
♪ Life, limiting illness. ♪
(audience applauding)